  
|
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
On Saturday, June 3, a half-million students
had to "zetsn zikh" (sit down) to take the
SAT (AKA the "Sheer Agony Test").Imagine if there was a Yiddish version
of the SAT. Grab a #2 "blayer" (pencil)
and
let's see how well you do. Good luck!Part I.
l. In the book, "Yiddish with Dick and Jane," Mother says, "You
are not fat, Sally. You are
A) "zaftig"
B) "gezunt"
C) a "gezunta moyd"
D) Ask the test maven, Stanley Kaplan2. A "kale" (bride) is preparing "tsvey" (2)
roast beefs following the "Gracie Allen's
Perfect Roast Beef" recipe ("retsept).
The "groys" (large) roast beef weighs
4 lbs. 2 ozs. The "kleyn" (small) roast
weighs 3 lbs. 1 oz. If the roasts are
placed in a moderately slow "ovyn" (oven), 325 degrees, and 20-minutes
per pound are allowed, WHEN will the big
one (according to George Burns) be
done? A) 1 hour, 45 minutes
B) 2 hours, 10 minutes
C) 3 hours, 8 minutes
D) When the little one is about to
burn ("farbrenen")3. A pair of Monsey, New York, film makers
have made the first Yiddish movie in
years. The "nayntsik" (90) minute drama
was about a religious-school dropout
who turns pious after running afoul of
the law. The title of the movie was
A) "Help! I'm a Prisoner in a Kosher
Bakery:
B) "A Gesheft" (The Deal)
C) "Yentl"4. "Complete this folk saying:
"Eyn mame dergreykht mer vi a hundert
__________."
A_ "khavyrim"
B) "lerers"
C) "gelernte"5. Which of the following Yiddish words
were heard in the movie, "Keeping Up
With the Steins"?
A) "alter-kaker"
B) "farkakt"
C) "meshugener"
D) "shmuck"
E) "shpilkes"
F) All of the above6. In the movie, "Keeping Up With the
Steins," what song does Neil Diamond
sing?
A) "Borscht Riders in the Sky"
B) "Hava Nagila"
C) "I'm a Schlemiel of Fortune"
D) "Some Enchanted Evening with
Moyshe Pipik" (by Mickey Katz)
7. Mel Brooks played a Yiddish-speaking
________ in the 1974 movie, "Blazing
Saddles."
A) "advokat"(lawyer)
B) Indian
C) "bankir" (banker)
D) "kave" (coffee) barista at Starbucks8. Obscure Yiddishisms were
found in Mad magazine. One example, was the word
A) "furshlugginer"
B) "kishkes"
C) "farkrenken"9. The Yiddish wordfor a touch-tone
phone is
A) "der tselularer telefon"
B) "der tsol-telefon"
C) "der kvetsh-telefon"10. "Kumzits" means two words:
A) (a) gentle smack
B) come and sit
C) (a) small pimple11. In Esterita "Ciccie" Blumberg's book,
"Remember the Catskills," she writes
how each of the hotels in the Catskills
had similar offerings: pools, tennis,
lake, day camp, gala entertainment, etc.
Pauls, an all-adult resort, ran a tag line
that read: "Honeymooners treated with
studied neglect." The Yiddish word
meaning "to neglect" is
A) "farlozn"
B) "modne"
C) "folgn"
12. When Jackie Mason was appearing in "Freshly Squeezed," he offered a coupon with the following message:
"DEAR FRIENDS:
Okay, for a brief crazy moment last year,
I thought I was Hugh Jackman and I
could be a Broadway musical sensation.
The advertising people hated the title, "The Jew From
OZ" and the rest is
history. I learned two valuable lessons,
#1 I can't dance and #2 don't screw
around the act that made you famous...
Who doesn't like a bargain...So I'm
squeezing 25% off all performances...Call
now and I'll squeeze you in! Many Jews--
and non-Jews--purchased tickets. The
Yiddish word for "thrifty" is
A) "shnorer"
B) "shporevdik"
C) "bilik"
13. In the "Placebo Journal" (Feb. 2004), The
King of Medicine ("meditsin") gave his
opinion on medical issues:
Proclamation XXXV
Patients will have to remember the
names of their medications or will be
placed on placebos (read as alternative
medicine). The Yiddish word meaning "to remember" is
A) "dermonen"
B) "iberkhazern"
C) "gedenken"
14. The Oreo cookie has received kosher
certification. Danken Got! The Yiddish
word for "cookie" is
A) "lekekh"
B) "kikhl"
C) "tsukerl"
15. Leslea Newman ("Heather Has Two
Mommies"), grew up in Brighton Beach.
She said, "No seder would ever be
complete without my grandmother's
famous matzo ball soup. I'd ask her
how many carrots to put in, how much
celery. She replied, 'Enough' was her
stock reply." What is the Yiddish word
meaning "to measure"?
A) "mestn"
B) "shatsn"
C) "genug"
16. During the final "Today" show, Kathie
Couric's colleagues and friends had
glowing and gracious parting words.
Joan Rivers said that over the past 15
("fuftsn") years, Katie wore 3,421 outfits,
describing one "royt" (red) checked
jacket as a tablecloth. "You're just
waiting for the ants to come over her
shoulders," she said.
What is the Yiddish word for "the ant"?
A) "murashke"
B) "di mume"
C) "di tante"
D) "di vants"
17. Stacey L. Bradford in "CareerJournal.com" suggests that job applicants practice an "elevator speech"--a lively 30-second synopsis of "who you are, what you do, what you're looking for."
The Yiddish word for "elevator" is
A) "di trep"
B) "der lift"
C) Oh, that was "gring" (easy)!
18. Tip: Always keep several get well cards
on the mantel...so if unexpected "mishpokhe" (family) arrive, they
will
think you've been sick and unable to
A) "kokhn"
B) "reynikn/oysreynikn"
C) "shraybn"
D) "arbetn"
19. In the one-man show, "A Jew Grows in Brooklyn," Jake Ehrenreich stars as a singer. His Yiddish-speaking parents failed to understand the game of"beysbol." He tells of how he watched Mets games with his father, a Holocaust survivor. His father observed, "Two men play, and eight men watch."
What's a "shpiler"?
A) a player
B) a pitcher
C) a catcher
D) a baseball glove
Part II. Math
1. In the local Jewish "bukh" (book) club
(they're reading "Einstein Never Used
Flash Cards"), the average age of the
male members is 35 and the average
age of the female members is 25. If
20% of the members are male, what is
the average age of ALL the club
members?
A) 26
B) 27
C) 28
D) 29
2. Jackie Mason's Famous Broadway
Cheesecake is lactose, cholesterol and
butterfat-free and available in plain,
chocolate marble, cherry and strawberry.
If one pie serves seven people, how many
pies are needed to serve a "banket" (banquet) of 91 people?
A) 7
B) 9
C)13
ANSWERS:
1. A
2. D
3. B
4. B
5. F
6. B
7. B
8. A
9. C
10. B
11. A
12. B
13. C
14. B
15. A
16. A
17. B
18. B
19. A
Part II. Math
1. B
2. C
