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YIDDISH QUIZ FOR BIBLIOPHILES
by
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
marjorie
Syosset, New York
The Yiddish word for book is "bukh"; the word for library is "bibliotek." 
Grab a #2 pencil and let's see how well you do on this quiz.

  1. Which Pulitzer Prize winner wrote, "I'm still working on my list of the 'Five People I Don't Want to Meet in Heaven.' There is the USC coed who dumped me in college for a fraternity jock; the person who devised the new SAT test, making it so my grandson couldn't get into college; the lady who hijacked my parking place at the shopping mall and laughed when she got out of her car; the insurance claims adjuster who wouldn't pay for damages to my house; and the Japanese soldier whose life I spared in the South Pacific during World War II and later sold me a Honda"?
    A) Arthur Miller, "Echoes Down the Corridor"
    B) Art Buchwald, "Too Soon to Say Goodbye"
    C) Albert Vorspan, "My Rabbi Doesn't  Make House Calls"
    D) What am I, "a gantser kener"--a know-it-all?

  2. If you were to purchase the 2004 book, "Schlepper!  A Mostly True Tale of Presidential Politics" by Iris Burnett, for $5, it would be "billik vi borsht!"  What does this term mean?
    A) a real bargain
    B) cheap as beet soup
    C) "takheh a metsieh, shoin ainmol a metsieh" (really a bargain)
    D) all of the above

  3. The college librarian told the student, "Sha shtil makht nish keyn gerider."
    What did she say?
    A) "Quiet, be still, don't make an uproar."
    B) "In the main there are two sorts of  books:  those that no one reads and those that no one ought to read."
    C) "There are books of which the backs and covers are by far the best parts."

  4. Were someone, for example, to tell you that they'd just finished reading "War and Peace," you could counter with which of the following Yiddish words?
    A) "Shoyn?  (At long, long last.  What took you so long?)
    B) "Shoyn!  (Mazl tov!  Welcome to the nineteenth century.)
    C) "In [and] shoyn!  (Thank God.  Now you need never read anything again.)
    D) All of the above
    Thank you, Michael Wex.

  5. Who is the author of "Kosher Sex"?
    A) Shmuley Boteach (Rabbi)
    B) Yetta Emmes 
    C) Dr. Ruth

  6. The Glossary in Myrna Katz Frommer and Harvey Frommer's 1995 book, "Growing Up Jewish in America - An Oral History," contains the word "pishke."  It means
    A) a little box for coins collected for charity
    B) a nobody; a little squirt
    C) a pee pot

  7. The book, "Yiddish Wisdom for Parents" by Rae Meltzer, includes this Yiddish folk saying:  "Eyn mame dergreykht mer vi a hundert lerers."  It means,
    A) One mother achieves more than a hundred teachers
    B) A mother's slap won't give a child a hole in the head
    C) Mothers understand what children do not say

  8. A 10-year-old boy asks the librarian if she has the book, "Adam & Eve."  Before checking out the book, he asks, "Why was Adam the luckiest man who ever lived?"  She replied,
    A) "Adam was the only person who never had a sidder"
    B) "Adam was the only person who never had a shvigger."
    C) "Adam was the only person who never had a shnecken."

  9. In the 1969 book, "Mrs. Portnoy's Retort - A Mother Strikes Back!" by David Martin and Harvey Jacobs, we read, "Did you know that your friend Mrs. P. was born under the sign of Taurus?...It was more like ___________-- trouble with a capital." 
    Fill in the missing word.
    A) Tinif
    B) Tsuris
    C) Tsimmes

  10. The Oct. 10, 1991 episode of Seinfeld   was titled, "The Library."  Synopsis:  The library "bibliotek" asks Jerry about  a book he checked out in 1971 and   never returned.  The library "cop" wants  which of the following books returned?   
    A) "Tender Is The Night" by F. Scott Fitzgerald 
    B) "Tropic of Cancer' by Henry Miller 
    C) "And Quiet Flows the Don" by Mikhail Sholokhov 
    D) "College--The Best Five Years of Your Life" by Clark Benson and Alex Gordon 
    E) "Ver vaist?"  (Who knows?)

  11. In the 1964 book, "Help!  I'm a Prisoner in a Chinese Bakery" by Alan King, we read, "Romeo and Juliet, they got married.  They spent one night together and the next day he committed suicide. Then she committed suicide.  I'm trying to figure out what went on in that bedroom.  That's a hell of a way to start a marriage.  Can you imagine what this epic romance would have been like if they had to live together like normal people?
    "Aren't you going to shave, Romeo?"
    "It's Saturday; why should I shave?"
    "Because my mother is coming over, that's why."
    "Your mother doesn't shave on Saturday either."
    "And on your way out, take the garbage with you."
    "Who's going out?"
    "You are.  My mother wants you to pick her up."
    How's that for romance?
    Which of the following lines reflect the above-shown conversation?
    A) "Hostu khasene blind, vet dayn vayb dikh firn bay der noz."
    B) "Der 'harey at' iz a kurtser prolog tsu a lange drame."
    C) "Di khasene iz a shlos, der get a shlis'l."

  12. In the book,"1,003 Great Things About   Being Jewish" by Birnbach, Hodgman, & Stone, the authors discuss the "Attributes of Jewish Grandparents."   They are:
    A) Suddenly remember all those Yiddish expressions they heard as children  
    B) So many people are allergic to shellfish, anyway  
    C) Run a meticulous house, um, condo  
    D) all of the above

  13. Which of the following recipes can be   found in the 1963 book, "The Chinese-   Kosher Cookbook" by Ruth & Bob   Grossman?     
    A) "Spinach Mish A Gahs"  
    B) "Tuna Luck Shen Gro Sing Guhs"  
    C) "Beef Shik Suh With Cauliflower" (Shik Suh is what Liz Taylor used to be)  
    D) "Cucumber Veal Mees Kite"  
    E) all of the above

  14. In Marnie Winston-Macauley's book, "Yiddishe Mamas," she gives examples of how the poetic "shm" when added to   a word can deflate faster than a dirigible on the Space Needle.  Which examples does she give?
    A) Hospital-shmospital  
    B) Rich-shmich. "Your boyfriend  doesn't spend a nickel."  
    C) Fancy-shmancy:  "Darling, it still looks like a shmatte (cheap rag)."  
    D) Dentist-shmentist:  "He still spits when he talks."  
    E) Pate-shmate:  "It can't touch my chopped liver"

  15. In the glossary of "Yiddish with Dick and  Jane: by Ellis Weiner and Barbara  Davilman, what is the meaning of  "rachmones"?   
    A) compassion 
    B) empathy 
    C) fellow feeling 
    D) a very nice name for a sensitive Yiddish punk rock group 
    E) all of the above

    ANSWERS:

    1.  B

    2.  D

    3.  A

    4.  D

    5.  A

    6.  A

    7.  A

    8.  B  A "shvigger" is a mother-in-law

    9. B

    10. B

    11. B  The wedding vow is a short prologue to a long drama.

              A means "Marry blindly and your wife will lead you by the nose.

              C means "Marriage is like a padlock;  divorce the key."

    12. D

    13 E

    14. B, C, D, and E

    15. E
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___________________________________________
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of
two books:
yiddish for dog and cat loversbook
"Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and
"Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction?  Yiddish
Trivia."  To order a copy, go to her
website: MarjorieGottliebWolfe.com

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