"DER VAYS LIGN"

*In Yiddish "der vays lign" means the white lie

by
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe

Syosset, New York

JDate, is a "vebzaytl" (website) that bills itself as "the largest Jewish singles network."  JDate claims to have more than 750,000 active members worldwide, about half in the United States.  Joe Shapiro and Alon Carmel co-founded the site in 1997.

TV writer, Rodney Rothman, mentions his use of JDate in his book, "Early Bird:  A Memoir of Premature Retirement."  The internet video show, Goodnight Burbank, regularly uses JDate as the dating service of Kenny Schickler, the business anchor. On American Dad, Roger becomes engaged to a Jewish woman using JDate. JDate is also referenced in the South Park episode, "The Snuke."  On the TV series, "House," Gregory House asks boss, Lisa, "JDate not working out?"

Ayelet Waldman, "Coming Clean About JDate," 2/15/09, The Forward, answered the following Bintel Brief:

"For the past year, I've been dating a man I met on JDate.  I'd venture to say that he's 'the one'--and we're already talking about engagement, marriage, children (hopefully in that order).  Here's the thing:  We haven't been honest with most of our friends and even some of our family members--including his parents and older sister--about how we met.  Now, I know that many, many happy couples meet on JDate and that the stigma of online dating is almost nonexistent these days.  But it has always felt more comfortable for us to tell people that we met 'through a mutural friend' than to tell them that we met online.

Our white lie has become problematic when the question of how we met comes up when we're with a group of people--some whom we have told the truth, and some whom we have told the 'mutual friend.' Is it okay to keep up the ruse?  Or should we explain to them our decision to lie in the first place?

The letter was signed "CLOSET JDATER."

IF I were to answer her letter, I would say, "Der emes ken arumgeyn a naketer; dem lign darf men bakleydn. (The truth can walk around naked; the lie has to be clothed."

A question: If you met YOUR wife/husband on JDate, what might your "mishpokhe" (family) say?

1.  You paid $39.99 a month to meet HIM?

2.  What's the matter, you couldn't meet a life partner  on the website "Chai Expectations"?

3.  "Bist meshuge?" (Are you crazy?)

4.  "Es freyt mir zeyer tsu hern." (I'm very glad to hear it.)

5.  "Shem  zikh in dayn vaytn haldz." (You should be ashamed of yourself.)

6.  "Nit oysgeredt zol es zayn!" (May it never be spoken.)

7.  "Zol dos zayn dayn ergste dayge." (That should be your worst worry.)

8.  "Bai mir is gut." (It's okay with me.

9.   "Zol zayn mit mazl!"  (Good luck!)

10.  "Az meh lebt, derlebt men." (If you live long enough, you'll live to see everything.)

11.  "Biz hundert un tzvantsik yor." (Until a hundred and twenty years:  a wish for long life.)

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___________________________________________
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of
two books:

"Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and
"Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction?  Yiddish
Trivia."  To order a copy, go to her
website: MarjorieGottliebWolfe.com

NU, what are you waiting for?  Order the book!