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"ZOLST NIT VISN FUN AZELKHE TSORES"*
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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*May you not know of such troubles.
The website for "the zumer-progrqm" for The Uriel Weinreich Program in Yiddish Language, Literature And Culture discusses "Summer in New York." It contains the following frequently asked questions:
Q. "Is it safe [in New York]?
A. "Use common sense when making
decisions about your safety. Do not go
into isolated or badly-lit areas alone,
especially at night. Guard your wallet/
purse and other belongings. Remain
alert and aware of your surroundings.
If you feel uncomfortable alone, go out
with a friend or with a group.
Is there a best place to lose a wallet? Some articles report that "der musey" (the museum) is the best place for a person to lose their wallet as their owners are more likely to have it returned.
What is the best city/state to lose a wallet?
The New York Times (Nov. 4, 1995) reported
that "If there is such a thing as a good place
to lose your wallet, Seattle is it." The
Reader's Digest did an experiment. The
magazine left a trail of 120 "lost' wallets
in 12 communities around the nation
and kept track of how many were returned
with the $50 contents intact. Seattle had the best rate of return,
9 of 10. Mayor,
Norm Rice, of Seattle was ecstatic. Three
small cities were the next best, with a score
of 8 in 10: Meadville, PA; Concord, NH;
and Cheyenne, Wyo.
Bob Golub, the Los Angeles-based comic (AKA "The Polish Madman") was a poor kid from a family of 10 in Sharon, PA. Through sheer fortitude and drive he became a headlining comedian, "aktyor" (actor) and filmmaker. You've probably seen him in Goodfellas, The Tonight Show, and on the Howard Stern program.
Bob wrote, produced and directed "Dodo," a look at Golub's family and the emotional scars he carries.
Well, Bob Golub lost his wallet on Sunday, Oct. 17, 2010, in New York City, while doing a gig. He thought he'd never see it again-- or the "kredit-kartl" (credit card/cards) and identification that were inside. Then a "unterban" (subway) clerk tracked him down and returned it to him, tellling him a woman had found it and turned it in.
"You don't know how grateful I am," said Golub. For all the bad press New York City sometimes gets, this shows there is sometimes tremendous humanitaranism here."
This reminds me of a story that I wrote for The Herald, Broward (FL) Edition many years ago:
Jon, our 23-year-old son, called from the Sawgrass Mills mall.
"Mom, I've got some bad news."
My first thought was that he purchased an eight-foot tall metal unicycle and it wouldn't fit in his Honda. Or, perhaps he broke off with his Lucra-clad Rollerblade "significant other." Or, he's experiencing an unanticipated adverse cash-flow problem and is moving back home.
I was wrong on all counts.
Jon reported that his wallet was stolen, but that I shouldn't worry. (All Jewish mothers worry!)
"I assume that you've reported the loss to VISA, American Express and Discover," I said rather calmly.
"It's not necessary," he responded. Someone named Richard Pascal called. He found my plastic, driver's license and assorted photos...and will be mailing them back to me tomorrow."
"Son, this Blaise Pascal..."
"Mom, it's R-i-c-h-a-r-d Pascal, not Blaise, the 17th Century French mathematician and philosopher. Have you become computer literate? (I was using WebTV!)
"No, son," I replied, "Let's get back to the bad news. Jon, haven't you heard of the recent scam which has been happening in Florida--and elsewhere?"
"Which scam is that, Mom? The look-alike Rolex watch scam?
The 'chop shops'?
The 'modem maniacs' who crack the secret
codes of computer installations? The 900
number scam? The fake invoice scam? Or,
have you read the article in the Ladies' Home Journal about the
fact that each week, thousands of lost items, most of them
wallets and purses, pass through the
lost-and-found office at the Mall of America
in Bloomington, Minn.?"
The Florida Funshine Rate dropped.
"I'm referring to those thieves, rip-off pros who steal wallets, place a telephone call to the owner, and then generously offer to mail back the recovered items. Since the credit card loss is not reported, the "gonif" has two or three days to charge with your cards."
"Oh, Mom, you're so skeptical--so untrusting."
"Son, take me word for it. The most dangerous lies are those that most resemble the truth. When you're my age..."
"STOP!" Jon replied.
"Fan-TAS-tic. Do it your way, son, but you've been warned."
On Saturday, I purchased a new leather wallet, as well as a "Cope" Shoebox greeting card that read:
"I just wanted to let you know that
any time life's got you down and you
need some friendly advice, or help
with a problem, do't be afraid to
pick up the phone. And dial 9ll.
Love,
Mom
On Tuesday, Jon called. "Mom, guess what? The wallet--containing ALL of my credit cards and cash--arrived today by mail."
"Oh! Don't forget to send Mr. Fortran a thank-you note, Jon."
"It's Mr. Pascal, Mom."
"Good-bye, son."
"Good-bye, Mom."
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