THE "TSON"* FAIRY

*"tson" is the Yiddish word for tooth

by
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe

Syosset, New York

The director encouraged her by saying, "Macht zich bakvem"--make yourself comfortable at home/make yourself comfortable.

As her mother braced for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The 'tson' fairy will never believe this!"

The Tooth Fairy was an established part of our American folklore by the early 1900s. According to an annual survey conducted by a Dental Insurance Provider in the USA, the average cash trade for a tooth is $1.78 (2007 figure).  In 1996, Prof. Wells considered that $1.50 was a fair "prayz." Considering "inflatsye" (inflation), you may want to bump it up to $2.

The "Answer Fella" in Esquire Magazine (Nov. 2005) was asked the origin of the Tooth Fairy.  He wrote that "the mythological tooth fairy is a creature of the 20th century and of North America." The late Rosemary Wells, a professor at Northwestern University Dental School was the world's only tooth-fairy "meyvin." She traced its origins to "La Bonne Petite Souris," an 18th-century French fairy tale starring a "moyz" (mouse), a good Queen, an evil King, and Jerry Lewis.

Theknish.com (All the Jews That's Fit to Print") published an article titled, "Jewish Tooth Fairy Sues Former Employers."

ALBANY, NY - Esther Applebaum,  formerly employed as a tooth fairy by You Can Handle the Tooth, Inc., has filed suit against the company, citing sexist behavior and religious discrimination as cause for the filing.

In a 345 page indictment exclusively released to TheKnish.com, Mrs. Applebaum details practices by the company that were detrimental to her work performance, quality of life and religious observance.

Among the details are reported demands by her employers for her to wear a pink tutu, even though her religious upbringing expressly forbids her to reveal anything above the knee.

Esther was also asked to dye her auburn locks blond, as this was the haircolor  of choice for her predecessors.  Although not a commonly addressed issue, Esther claims her Rabbi advised her that dying one's hair is not specifically forbidden, but it would be wise not to undergo such modification, as it would call unnecessary attention to herself, especially if her hair was highlighted.

Also featured in the suit demands for Esther to work on the Sabbath, which is out of the question in religious Jewish circles.

"I made it very clear to them during my interview," says Esther, "I could not work on Shabbos, but I would gladly send memos Erev Shabbos (Friday afternoon) to both Jewish and Gentile children advising them that they would receive their [Tooth Fairy] money Motzei Shabbos (Saturday night).

"They hired me despite knowing I could not work on Shabbos and then suddenly demanded that I do work on Shabbos. This is unacceptable."  (Martin Bodek)

Toothfairyland.com, the Official Online Tooth Fairy, shared an e-mail sent by a "yungermantshik" (young, vigorous lad):

DEAR TOOTH FAIRY,
I wanted to write to you and tell you a funny story.  When I was eating my lunch today I lost my tooth.  It must ahve been the lovely crutons I was eating.  What I didn't realise was that not only had my tooth fallen out, I had eaten it!!!  That's why I am writing to you because I didn't want you to have a wasted journey tonight. I look forward to seeing the signs of your visit.
Love of love,
Ethan T.

And, according to  Bored.com, there's even a Rejection Letter From The Tooth Fairy. It reads as follows:  (Note:  The Yiddish has been added by the writer)

Dear ____________:

Thank you for leaving [      ]  tooth/teeth under your "kishn" (pillow) last night.

While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward (AKA "gelt") in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

(  )  the tooth could not be found
(  )  it was not a human tooth
(  )  we do not think that pieces of chicken
      bone are very funny
(  )  we were unable to approach the tooth
       due to excessive odor
(  )  the tooth has previously been
      redeemed for "gelt"
(  )  the tooth did not originally belong to
      you
(  )  the tooth fairy does not process
      fingernails
(  )  your request has been forwarded to the
       Nerve Ending Fairy for appropriate
       action
(  )  you were overheard to state that you
      do not believe in the tooth fairy
(  )  you are age "tsvelf" (12) or older at the
      time your request was received
(  )  the tooth is still in your "moyl" (mouth)
(  )  the tooth was guarded by a vicious
      fairy-eating "hunt" (dog) at the time of
      our visit
(  )  no "nakht" (night) light was on at the
      time of our visit
(  )  the snacks provided for the tooth fairy
      were not satisfactory, or were missing.
      Where's the home made rugelach, egg
      cream, and chocolate-covered halvah?
(  )  we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth
      extraction as follows:

{  ]  string ("shtrikl")
[  ]  pliers ("tsvang")
[  ]  gunpowder
[  ]  hammer ("hamer") marks
[  ]  chisel
[  ]  part of skull attached to tooth
[  ]  no dental care

[  ]  other:  ("anderer")

A dank (thanks) for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.

The Tooth Fairy

______________
One of Marjorie Wolfe's grandsons tried to get paid for three pieces of the same tooth as if they were separate teeth.
_______________________________

Thanks to TheKnish.com. c2003.  All rights reserved.  This material may be published, broadcast or redistributed as long as all the content remain intact, including this passage.

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___________________________________________
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of
two books:

"Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and
"Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction?  Yiddish
Trivia."  To order a copy, go to her
website: MarjorieGottliebWolfe.com

NU, what are you waiting for?  Order the book!