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"TSEN" (10) LETTERS, NOTES AND PRESS RELEASES
by
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
marjorie
Syosset, New York

Letterwriting is "vunderlekh"--wonderful!
The newspapers report that President Obama chooses to read "tsen" letters a day in order to sample what Americans are thinking.  He picks messages that are compelling, things people say that, when you read them, gives you a chill.

He has said that the letters range from struggling families to letters of advice on the best treats for the first dog, Bo.  On Inauguration Day, Michael Powers wrote to the president telling him he had lost his father, a three-pack-a-day smoker, to lung cancer.  He urged Mr. Obama to stop smoking...for his girls.

Shown below are 10 very special letters, diary entrees, notes and press releases, some humorous, some serious.

#1 A note, written in pencil, was rolled up, inserted in a bottle, and dated Sept. 9, 1944.  It contained the names of seven "yung" people who probably thought they were doomed to die in the Auschwitz death camp.  A construction crew recently renovating a cellar near the site in Poland, discovered the bottle hidden in a concrete wall.

The seven prisoners, six from Poland and one from France, were all between the ages of 18 and 20.  The final sentence reads: "They were young people who were trying to leave some trace of their existence behind them."  (Two of them survived the camp.)

#2 In a Letter To The Editor, New York Magazine, 1/4/2000, Chloe Ross wrote:
"The scenario you envisioned of mouse-eared yarmulkes is not as far-fetched as you think...In 1977, when my son was 3, he attended his first Seder with his extended family.  An agreeable child, he was nonetheless reluctant to add the requisite hedpiece to the ensemble he was wearing-- a navy-blue Eton suit.  My father-in-law--a tailor from Lodz--refused to begin without the kippeleh, and so we sat and cajoled.  We tried everything to gethim to put it on while the food got cold--even Jewish guilt didn't work.  The candles sputtered and the gefilte fish began to congeal.

Then my 11-year-old daughter brought out a cap with Mickey Mouse ears.  My son's eyes lit up and he plopped the cap on his head and the Seder began.  We have often said it gave new meaning to the question, 'Why is this night different from all other nights?'  I knew Walt [Disney] was an anti-Semite from way back, which made it even better.  So while the thought of mouse-eared yarmulkes may strike you as future shock--its been done, and it's actually pretty cute."

#3  An Americal kollel man happened to notice a limousine pulled over at the side of the road.  He got out of his car and helped the limousine driver fix the flat tire.  The passenger in the limousine asked him for his name and address and they parted.

The next day a big florist's truck pulls up in front of his home and a massive bouquet of flowers was delivered to his door.  The following note was attached:

"Your mortgage has been paid.  Thank you for your help."
                    Sincerely,
                    Donald Trump
(Source:  "Impact!  230 Short Stories with an Immediate Message" by Dovid Kaplan.)

#4 John Andrews, a funeral director, wrote this letter about the word "moirologist":

Your word caught my attention, today, as I'm a funeral director.  Or as I like to introduce myself, an "underground commodities dealer."

There is another use for professional mourners that you may not be aware of. It's not just to grieve on someone's behalf, or to "pad the attendance numbers."  In the West, we tend to repress our grief.  By having a few people who would weep openly, it lets people know that  such behaviour is acceptable.  If someone else is doing it, people who are trying to hold their tears back don't feel so bad about letting them flow.  Besides, repressing your grief is not healthy.

#5 An anonymous individual wrote to Shoshanna Rikon (The Bintel Brief, Forward. com, 3/21/08):

My boyfriend rarely asks me anything about past affairs, which is fine by me.  But I'm wondering if I'm obliged to divulge some facts nonetheless.

The problem is that one of our best couple friends includes a man with whom I had a brief affair several years ago--well before I met my boyfriend...Should I tell my boyfriend about my history with this friend? Or is it better to keep quiet about it?
           MUM'S THE WORD

Shoshanna Rikon replies:
Most men do not want to hear about a woman's past relationships.  Men don't need, nor do they want, to be reminded that they were not your first conquest. Discussing every past relationship you had with your present mate is counterproductive and could potentially damage your relationship...If you truly love someone, then you need to be honest!  No, that does not mean that you need to bring out all the skeletons in your closet--just the ones that could affect your relationship. Believe me, in the end he will love and respect you more for being honest than for trying to spare his feelings.

#6  In 2007, Globes [online] reported that the American eatery chain "Hooters" is opening up in Israel.  Will they be able to penetrate the Israeli market?  The chain is known for its full-breasted women who serve the diners, mostly he-men, or at least men who think themselves as such.

The waiters, who are known as "Hooters Girls,"wear clingy T-shirts.  In 2003, Hooters took top place in "Forbes" growth rankings for the year.

In a PRESS RELEASE, Hooters mentions Ofer Ahiraz, as the man who bought the Israeli franchise with his wife, Ilana.  The deal was the dream of a lifetime.  Globes writes, "Israel is a country where everybody knows everybody else.  It may not be easy to find ordinary-looking girls who will deliberately choose to work as waitresses in a restaurant that stresses their bra size. Sports pubs have also not had the success in Israel that they enjoy in other countries. If the Israeli man wants to have fun with the guys, he usually invites them home, or organizes a stint of reserve duty in the IDF. On the other hand, a long time has passed since someone has come to Israel with the declared intent of letting people have some fun.

#7  In September of 1990, Marissa Kirby of Middletown, NJ, wrote the following letter to New York Woman magazine (In Other Words):

When I first read about the dumb things people do for love, I thought, "How ridiculous!"  Then, slowly, I was reminded of the time I pretended to love rap music, ate tofu, took tap dancing lessons, and seriously thought about studying Buddhism. I'd like to think I would never behave this way again, but anything is possible, especially if some tall, dark and handsome man with a penchant for bungee-jumping should venture into my life.

#8  The late Wendy Wasserstein wrote the following entry in her diary on Oct. 3, 1996:

Canceled breakfast with my mother. Promised I would see her tomorrow.  We have a habit of having breakfasts together so I can leave for a meeting before the questions become too personal.  Odd keeping a diary.  It's like knowing exactly how time is mismanaged.  I am simultaneously keeping a food diary in my 500th attempt to manage weight. It seems to me I now have two documents to prove that others are far more disciplined and innately good.  I am debating whether to list the french fries on the food-management document or the time I spent on a sofa with my cat thinking about absolutely nothing here...

#9  Willard Scott's favorite letter, received in his radio days:

Dear Mr. Scott:
"I think you are the best disk jockey in Washington.  I think you play the best music and you have the nicest voice of anybody on the air.  Please excuse the crayon; they won't let us have anything sharp in here."

#10 Arthur Sheekman wrote Groucho Marx and his wife, Eden, the following letter from Rapallo, Italy, on July 20, 1954:

Dear Groucho and Eden:
   Twenty minutes ago I bought the English newspaper in Santa Margherita; dropped them on the front seat of my car and, while driving home (around one of those narrow curvy roads) my eye fell on Eden, smiling at me from the front page of the Daily Express.  No thanks to either of you, I was not killed.

The headline says, "Groucho Weds Secretary," and I suppose that if I'd kept my eyes open, I  wouldn't have been surprised. But why did you have to be so sneaky?  In all the times I've seen you dictating letters to Miss Eden Hartford, it never occurred to me that your relationship was anything but "strictly business."  True, she took most of her dictation on your lap, but I assumed that was because Italian chairs can be very uncomfortable....
(Source:  "Groucho Letters  - Letters From And To Groucho Marx")

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___________________________________________
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of
two books:
yiddish for dog and cat loversbook
"Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and
"Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction?  Yiddish
Trivia."  To order a copy, go to her
website: MarjorieGottliebWolfe.com

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