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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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Grab a #2 "blayer" (pencil) and answer this question:
What's the most common complaint grown
up children hear from their parents?
a) You're not moving back home, are you?
b) Nu, when are you getting married?
"Nor a shteyn zol zayn aleyn"
(Only a stone should be alone.)
c) You never call; you never visit.
d) "Vos nokh vilst du?"
(What more do you want?)
e) "Vos tut zikh?"
(What's going on?)
f) "Az ikh zog, zogt er nakht."
(If I say day, he says night.)
g) Don't be "a gantse knaker!"
h) All of the above
The correct answer is c).
In Yiddish, the word meaning to neglect is "farlozn." In China, neglected moms and dads might soon be able to force their kids to pay them more attention with a "bisl (little) help from the law.
Under a proposal submitted by the Civil Affairs Ministry to China's State Council, adult children would be required by law to regularly visit their elderly parents. If they do not, parents can sue them.
The new law underlines the massive social change China has experienced in recent years. For centuries, there was "der aroyskuk" (the expectation) that children would feed, house and care for their aged parents. Prof. Shujie Yao of England's Nottingham University said, "Back when China was a rural, agrarian society, you would often have four generations living under one roof. It is a central part of the philosophy of Confucius that the young look up to the old and the old respect the young."
The system also depended on parents having "groys" (large) families, so there would always be a child around to look after Ma and Pop, even if the siblings left the nest.
In Yiddish we say, "An ein und eintzig kind" when we mean an only child.
Now with China's one-child policy, most parents are now dependent on a single son or daughter. And today many only children are forced to leave the seniors behind when they head off to the booming cities in search of employment.
What are the statistice? At least half of China's 160 millon over-60s now live "aleyn" (alone). They are more likely to be "dershlogn" (mentally depressed), and experience health problems than olsters living with relatives. .
Are these children bad? Shujie Yao says that "the vast majority" of Chinese still want to look after their parents and grandparents--migrant workers often send a large chunk of the wages home--and that only a small minority "are not as caring as society expects."
Sharon LaFraniere ("China Might Force Visits to Mom and Dad," New York Times, 1/30/2011) reports that in Shandongy Province, for instance, a court ordered three daughters to each pay their 80 year-old mother between 350 to 500 renminbi, roughly $53 to $75 a month, after the mother claimed that they ignored her and treated her like a burden.
Yao states that the legislation will help
preserve China's ancient system of elderly
care, which could easily be lost in the
tumultuous push for modernization.
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Marjorie shares the following popular
Yiddish toast: "Me zol nit darfn onkumen tsu kinder!" (May
you not be a burden to your children.)
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