Home is a place where you'll find broken "hor" (hair) dryers, old stamp albums, school trophies, report cards from "kinder-gortn," high school yearbooks, an assortment of clothes from "Fabulous Frocks of Flatbush, and a 1963 recipe for "Chicken Pipp ick" from "The Chinese-Kosher Cookbook" by Ruth & Bob Grossman.  The authors define "Pipp ick" as the first part of his anatomy a baby discovers 

Every year millions of people move.  Long Islanders move to the Greens, The Seasons of East Meadow, North Shore Towers, the Hamlet, and to Boynton Beach, Florida. (Everyone in Florida wants "Iz vasserschpritz"--waterfront property.) And Maury Povich recently said that without California, Texas and Florida, he would have no television show, because most of the weird stuff in America happens in those states.

People find it easier to move than to spruce up "di kikh" (the kitchen) and "der vashtsimer" (the bathroom) or to make major renovations.

Molly Katz ("Jewish As A Second Language") even explains how to comment on someone's home:

   About outdoor furniture:
   "You're going to cover this?"

   About dark carpeting:
   "But it shows the dirt."

   About a new appliance (with a knowing
   sigh):
   "Save the warranty."

   About a white anything:
   "You're going to cover this?"

   About an exquisitely decorated nursery
   (with eyes rolled):
   "Wait."

Bernard S. Raskas ("Heart of Wisdom") tells  the story of a contractor who had  employed the same "stolyer" for many, many years.  On one particular day, he spoke with the carpenter and said, "Every time you have built a house for me, I have given you a plan in advance."  (He checked his progress daily to avoid what is known as compounded injury"--when shoddy work becomes harder and more "tayer" (expensive) to correct later in the project.  He did several test patches before giving the go-ahead to stain the "padloge" (floor) in the Butler's "shpayzkamer"(pantry.) "This time I would like you to build a house on this empty lot any way you wish."

The carpenter, wishing to finish the job as quickly as possible, was "opgelozn" (careless) and shoddy.  (A worker who does a job insufficiently gives you "A lek un a shmek.")

The foundation was weak, the walls were slightly crooked, the formica was not "tseshnaydn" (cut into pieces) accurately, and, without question, the house would undoubtedly begin to sag.  The buyer would experience years of "kopveytik" (headaches).

On the day the carpenter had completed his work, the contractor walked up to him with a "shmeykhl" (smile), and handed him the key to the front door.  He said, "I have always wanted to give you a home as a gift; since you built this  home the way YOU wanted it, it now belongs to you."

Perhaps the contractor is G-d and our conscience is the carpenter We can build straight or crooked; we can build a home where you can take refuge when you're tired, discouraged, ill or sick at heart; we can build a home that is firm or weak.  It is really up to "undz" (us)!