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A MEZUZAH STORY
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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Michael Wex ("Just Say Nu") wrote that a woman is called a mezuzah because "VAIderer LAYGT OON A HANT IN GIT EER A KISH." (Everyone lays a hand on her and gives her a kiss.) This is in reference to the religious custom of touching the mezuzah with the fingertips and then kissing the fingers that have touched the mezuzah.
I have new neighbors two doors down from me in Syosset, New York and I'd like to bring them a mezuzah. (The word means "doorpost"). The mezuzah reminds us that life is not just a matter of our physical existence. There is a spiritual dimension to life that must not be ignored.
The prayer to be said when we affix a mezuzah is as follows:
Hebrew transliteration: Ba-ruch At-ta do-nai, E-lo-hey-nu Me-lech Ha-o-lam, A-sher Kid-sha-nu Be-mitz-vo-tav, Ve-tiz-va-nu Lik-bo-ah Me-zu zah.
It is proper, even imperative, that you remove a mezuzah when you move from one home ("heym") or apartment ("dire") to another? If you were to leave it in place, the subsequent owner may be "umvisndik" (ignorant) and treat it with disrespect, dishonoring it.
And now to a timely mezuzah story: It's titled, "Orthodox Ski Racing." Note: The Yiddish words meaning "to ski" are "nartlen zikh."
(1) In a slalom race, the skier must pass through about 20 gates in the fastest time.
(2) When passing a mezuzah in a doorway, the custom is to slow down, touch it and kiss one's finger tips.
Well, it once happened that a very Orthodox Yeshiva student in Montreal was an exceptional skier. So fast ("gikh") was he, that even with tzitzis streaming out behind, he had beaten "di velt" (the world) record several times.
After first checking to make sure none of the men's slalom races would be on the Sabbath, he tried out for and made the Canadian Winter ("Vinter") Olympics team.
With his times in the trial meets, he was the favorite for an Olympic gold medal.
Came the day of the final, "der oylem" (the crowd) waited in anticipation.
The French champion sped down in 38 seconds. The Swiss in 38.7 seconds. The German in 37.8 seconds. The Italian in 38.1 seconds.
Then came the turn of the Canadian Yeshiva student. The crowd waited, and waited....
Finally, after a full "finf" (five) minutes, he crossed the finish line.
"What happened to you?" (Vos tut zich?)-- "What is going on?" screamed the coach when the skier finally arrived.
Breathing hard, the "oysgehorevet" (exhausted) Yeshiva student replied, "All right, who's the wise-guy who put a mezuzah on every gate?" (Thanks to Adam Stein of Jooz Nooz, for this story.)
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