*In Yiddish, the word "shtarker" mans tough guy

by
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe

Syosset, New York

The residents of Oak Lawn, IL, have "tsuris." No, the Mayor, Dave Heilmann, has not banned teenagers from wearing drooping/ sagging "hoyzn" (trousers), antiwar T-shirts, gang-related clothing, or What Would Jesus Do? bracelets.

No, the Mayor has not had to deal with a repeat of Meredith Wilson's musical, "The Music Man."  If you recall, "Professor" Harold Hill is a con man whose scam is to convince parent he can teach their musically-disinclined "kinder" to play musical instruments.  Taking pre-paid orders for instruments and uniforms with the promise he will form a band, he skips town and moves on to the next one before he's exposed.  No, Oak Hill is not like the fictional 1912 River City, Iowa!

Mayor Heilmann has found that drivers are not stopping at stop signs, and has installed second stop signs below the regular ones at "fuftsik" (50) intersections.  He hopes that the signs "might make people smile and take notice."

Nu, so what do the 16 signs say?

     STOP
     In the Naame of Love
     And Smell the Roses
     Really.  You Gotta Stop
     Right There Pilgrim
     Or We'll Hunt You Down
     Hold it Right There Buster
     Then You Can Go
     Whoa Whoa Wait a Minute
     Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Pleeeeeease
     Or the Police Will Yell at You
     Not an Optional Sign
     Means That You Aren't Moving
     Even When No One's Looking
     Whoa
     Billion Dollar Fine

Yiddish has the reputation of being a highly expressive language.  May I suggest that the Mayor include the following stop signs as part of their campaign:

.  STOP.  A DANK."
   (Stop.  Thank you.)

.  STOP.  VET MESHIAKH GEBOYRN VERN  MIT A TOG SHPETER."
   (Stop.  Don't be in a hurry.  So the  Messiah will be born a day later.)

.  STOP.  "BIST AHF EYN FUS?"
   (Stop.  Are you in a hurry?  Are you standing on one foot?)

.  STOP.  "GESHVINDKEIT IS NOR GUT FLOI TSU CHAPEN."
   (Stop.  Speed is only good for catching  flies.)

.  STOP.  "FUN EILENISH KUMT KAIN GUTS NISHT AROIS."
   (Stop  No good comes out of hurrying.)

.  STOP.  "AZ DU VEST FOREN PAMELECH, VEST DU SHNELLER ONKUMEN."
   (Stop.  If you drive slowly, you'll arrive more quickly.)

.  STOP.  "ALLEH MAISSIM HOBEN AIN PONEM."
   (Stop.  All corpses have the same look.)

.  STOP.  "NU, VOS MAKHT IR EPES?"
   (Stop.  So, how are you?)

.  STOP.  "FARSHAIST?"
   (Stop.  You understand?)

.  STOP, BUBBEE"
   (Stop.  Bubbee is a friendly term for anybody you like.)

.  STOP.  "ZINDINK NIT."
   (Stop.  Don't tempt fate.)

.  STOP.  'ZEI NIT KAIN VYZOSOH!"
   (Stop  Don't be a damn fool!)

.  STOP.  A LEBN OYF DAYN KOP!"
   (Stop.  A long life upon your head!)

.  STOP, SHTARKER."
   (Stop, tough guy.)

.  STOP.  ES IZ A SHANDEH FAR DI KINDER."
   (Stop.  It's a shame in front of the children.)

.  STOP.  "MIR ZOLEN ZICH BAGAGENEN OIF SIMKHES."
   (Stop.  May we meet on happy occasions.)

_____
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe says that "It's not the used cars that are a menace on the highways...it's the mis-used cars.      

Search for Stories Beginning with the Letter

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

Y

Z

___________________________________________
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of
two books:

"Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and
"Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction?  Yiddish
Trivia."  To order a copy, go to her
website: MarjorieGottliebWolfe.com

NU, what are you waiting for?  Order the book!