The Yiddish word for "slumber" is "dremlen,"
"shlof" means "to sleep," and "khropen" means "to snore."
Although I've spent 46 years
of blissful sleep on a cherrywoodwood sleigh bed, someone is always
telling me what to do in bed
My best friend, a bibliophile,
suggested, "When in bed, read instead." What would Masters &
Johnson, the renowned sex mavens, say about that "forshlog" (suggestion)?
IKEA's ads once stated that "Nowadays,
it seems the only thing people do in bed is lie awake wondering about their
finances." Klein's Sleep's CEO said, "Have more fun in bed."
And Kye Fleming and Dennis W. Morgan said [in 1980], "You can eat crackers
in my bed anytime."
The Better Sleep Council suggests
that I celebrate Better Sleep Month (May 1 - 31), and encourages me to
re-evaluate my bedtime habits and to check my "bet" for signs of old age. Perhaps
it's time to dispose of my sagging "matrats" (mattress) by calling 1-800-MATTRES
(leave off the last "s" for savings), or 1-800-TRY-A-BED.
I chuckle as I recall the Molly
Propisms of Gertrude Berg (Molly Goldberg) in the TV episode titled, "Jake,
a Businessman":
Jake, it's shabbes! You must go to voik, also today?...Oy, vat beezness!...
Vhy don't you buy a bed and slip dere and finished!
What does this Yiddisher Mama
do on sleepless nights? I drink a glass of "milkh." (It's true.
That old wives' remedy really works. The tryptophan contained in
"milkh" is a natural sedative.)
Then I empty
the IN/OUT box
in my home/office, and note its contents:
Article stating that Andrew
Fischer, a Web-page
designer advertised snoring remedy "SnoreStop" on his forehead for one
month...and received $375,375. "Klug vi der velt." (Very smart.)
Post-it note containing
the Yiddish expression, "In shlof zindikt nit der mentsh, nor zayn khaloymes." (In
sleep, man doesn't sin; only his dreams do.)
Book order from Amazon.com
for one copy of Bill
Corbin's book titled, "Your Second Mattress Will Last Forever." (With
tongue well into cheek, Cobin bemoans the quick passing of the white-hot
phase of marriage - hence the book's title.)
LA Times article stating
that there's a link
between appetite with sleep lack. Going without sleep seems to elevate
blood levels of a key appetite-stimulating hormone, ghrelin. It causes
levels of a "stop eating!" hormone to take a dive.
Copy of a report titled, "Getting your ZZZZZs"
and a newsletter titled, "Night Owl's."
List of famous dozers:
Albert Einstein (who believed
that regular naps "refreshed the mind" and helped to stimulate his creativity).
Prime Minister, Winston Churchill (who during W. W. II stayed rested and
alert by scheduling
cabinet meetings around his naps.)
Thomas Edison (who felt that a full night's
rest is a waste. People could do as well with naps and still remain alert).
Sales slip for the book, "The Snooze 'n Lose
Diet"--which is said to help you shed pounds while you sleep. "Es
iz nit geshtoygn un nit gefloygn." (It just doesn't make sense.)
Photocopy of page 152 of "Aunt Erma's Cope Book"
by the late Erma Bombeck. She lists 10 reasons for feeling guilty.
The thirty-minute nap. When I heard a
key in the door, I'd jump up, throw cold water on my face, smooth my clothes,
pull the bedspread taut, stagger into the kitchen, and throw an onion in
the oven. When my husband mentioned the chenille marks on my face,
I'd lie and say, "It's bad skin."
List of calories consumed performing various
tasks:
190 calories per hour are consumed making beds.
Quote by Bruce Feirstein, "Real
Men don't
need water beds."
Article stating that an
estimated 45% of normal adults snore at least occasionally and 25% do so
habitually.
Snoring usually
gets "erger" (worse) with advancing age.
Music sheet for the Yiddish
songs, "Shlof, Mayn
Feygele" (Sleep, My Little Bird), and "Shlof Mayn Kind, Shlof Keseyder" (Sleep
My Child, Sleep Securely).
Newspaper ad: FOUR-POSTER BED, 101 years
old. Perfect for antique lover.
Note (1988) from son's guidance
counselor stating
that Jonathan is registered in a "Sleepuloid"--a "klas" where movies are
shown on "montik, mitvokh, and fraytik."
Are you still awake? "Lomir makhn nakht."
(Let's call it a day. Let's make night.)
___________________________________________ Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of
two books:
"Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and
"Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction? Yiddish
Trivia." To order a copy, go to her
website: MarjorieGottliebWolfe.com
