  
|
ABOUT THE 'STOP THE SAG' CAMPAIGN
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
|
|
ring...ring...ring
"Hiya. This is Eric Adams and I'm State Senator from District 20 in Brooklyn. No, I'm NOT the Senator who is fighting "giraffiti"--valdalism spray-painted very high. And I'm NOT the person responsible for new laws about "blushmail"--the act of sending an eMail with information not intended for, or suitable to the ultimate receiver. (Sniglets)
Yes, I'm the one responsible for placing six new billboards around town; yes, I'm taking on the saggy pants trend.
Sagging pants was never meant to be fashionable. Prisoners wear their pants this low because belts are a popular way to commit suicide by hanging oneself, to hang others, or to use as a weapon in fights.
Did you hear President Obama's thoughts on sagging pants? While he does not favor legal prohibitions on low-riders, he said, "brothers should pull up their pants."
"Here is my attitude," said Obama. "I think people passing a law against people wearing sagging pants is a waste of time. We should be focusing on creating jobs, improving our schools, health care, dealing with the war in Iraq, and anybody, any public official, that is worrying about sagging pants probably needs to spend some time focusing on real problems out there."
"Having said that," he added, "brothers should pull up their pants. You are walking by your mother, your grandmother, your underwear is showing. What's wrong with that? Come on. There are some issues that we face that doesn't mean folks can't have some sense and some respect for other people and, you know, some people might not want to see your underwear--I'm one of them."
The Dr. Phil show also attempted to bring awareness about the increasing controversy spreading across the U. S. on "saggin" and how baggy pants has been outlawed in 12 states. In Delcambre, LA, the town council passed an ordinance that carries a fine of up to $500 or 6 months in jail for exposing underwear in public.
Due to the large volume of calls we're receiving about these billboards, we are putting you on hold. Just think of being on hold as "quality personal time" and reflect on what you've accomplished during your life.
Please feel free to sign up on Facebook and connect with me.
If you are calling from a Touch-Tone phone, please press 1.
If you believe that "raised trousers mean raised respect," press 2.
If you parade around the streets in your own "boxer rebellion" (your trousers are so low that your shorts are on display), re-read paragraph 2.
If your fashions are from St. Vincent De Paul's Thrift Shop, Press 3
If you believe that after the sixth day, God created Leohmann's, Press 4
If you don't know the difference between a "shmate" and a designer label, HANG UP NOW and call a store manager at Sy Syms
If you like to be "oysgeputst" (Yiddish for "dressed up, flamboyant), Press 5
If your wardrobe/apparel ("garderob") contains outfits with descriptive names like "pebble," "manatee," "H-blue-O," "tropical punch," "parrot," "cornflower blue," or raintree," Press 6
If you pronounce Target with the deliberately faux French pronunciation, "Tar-zhay," Press 7
If you shop at JC Penney (AKA "Jacques Penne"), Press 8
If you follow the advice of Tommy Nutter and "Never speak to a man wearing leather hoyzn," HANG UP NOW!
If your car's vanity license plate reads "Oysgeputst" (Yiddish for "Dressed up to the hilt"), Press 9
IF you subscribe to "Lucky," the magazine about shopping and "der prayz" (the price), Press 10
If you celebrate "Buy Nothing Day" (Nov. 20), HANG UP NOW!
If you agree that even in this dressed-down era, clothes make the man and a well-cut suit still projects a professional image that no pair of khakis possibly can, Press 11
If you agree with the Dockers ad which shows a woman standing on her "kep" (head) with the headline, "Wouldn't it be nice if casual Fridays were about more than just the pants?" Press 12
If you purchase your Jerry Garcia ties online at Tieguys.com, Press 13 If you Vanna buy Ivana Trump-designed clothing, Press 14
If you agree with Bill Blass, who said, "When in doubt, wear red," Press 15
If you think that 20% off is a bargain, and that 50% off is a "mitzvah," Press 16
If you've nver strolled along "the Ladies' Mile" (a fabled stretch of opulent depart- ment stores in Manhattan catering to women--6th Ave. between 14th and 23 Streets), HANG UP NOW!
If you've ever been called a "schmeboygah" (Brookly slang for a slob of a guy), Press 17
If you define "fashion plate" as a Bloomingdale's charge card, Press 18
If you're frequently referred to as one of Nordstrom's "Nordies," Press 19.
If you've ever worn a Rodney Dangerfield "wallpaper print" shirt, or repeated the classic line, "Hey, that's some hat. Did you get a free bowl of soup with it? Oh, on you it looks good, though," HANG UP NOW...AND GET A LIFE!
If you agree that "only in America" can a man who ran a haberdashery in Kansas City become President of the United States, Press 20
If you've ever cut the legs off a pair of panty hose and just wore the control tops, HANG UP IMMEDIATELY!
If you've ever been hospitalized and immediately placed an order with the website "designerhospitalgowns.com," Press 21
If you've ever shopped for pants at consignment shops like "Sacks Thrift Avenue," "Back By Popular Demand," "Avant-Garb" or "BloomingDeals," HANG UP NOW!
If you normally dress like a member of the cast of The Sopranos--black suits, short skirts, pinkie rings and sprayed hair-- Press 22
If you've ever purchased "garmites" (a Sniglet for those items of clothing that fit perfectly in the store, but somehow shrink on the way home), Press 23
If you consider Harry S. Truman one of our best-dressed presidents (he wore bright red ("royt) hoyzn only when Bess wasn't around), HANG UP NOW!
If you would wear a perfume that smells like the World Wide Web, Press 24
If you agree with Dave Barry, "Youthful rebellion was in the air, and nobody personified it better than Marlo Brando, who in those days was young and handsome and slim enough to wear a leather jacket, made from only one cow," Press 25
If you've ever dealt with "slutures" (slew-chers), a Sniglet meaning the four white threads that protrude from Levis after the tag has been removed, Press 26
If you carry a Fendi baquette--that rectangular, short-strapped bag--tucked under the arm like a loaf of French bread-- Press 27
If you agree with Rita Rudner that "Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door," Press 28
There are no further options. Thank you for contacting State Senator, Eric Adams.
| A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M |
| N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | Y | Z |
| Yiddish
Stuff Jewish Humor Schmooze News More Majorie Wolfe |
Principle Jewish Stories All Things Jewish Jewish Communities of the World |
