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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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Homilets is the art of composing and preaching sermons.
According to IsraelNN.com, almost three quarters of rabbis surveyed in a (2006) poll said they will talk about Israel's future in their Yom Kippur sermons.
The results of a computerized survey indicate the perfect rabbi preaches exactly fifteen ("fuftsn") minutes. He condemns sin but never upsets anyone. He wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about $50 weekly to the "orem" (poor/needy). He has a burning desire to work with teenagers and spends all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his work. He makes 15 calls daily on congregational families, shut-ins, and the hospitalized, and is always in his office when needed. (found on the WWW)
Have you heard the story of the congregation that liked their new rabbi, but were puzzled by his speaking style. His "ershter" (first) sermon ran only 8 minutes; the second sermon, he spoke for 45 minutes; the third week he rattled on for "nayntsik" (90) minutes. That was enough for the president of the congregation to summon him for a little " shmues" (chat).
To their relief, the rabbi had a ready " derklerung" (explanation). "The Friday before my first sermon, I had my teeth pulled and my mouth was still terrible sore. But by the time a week had gone by, I'd gotten used to my new dentures." The rabbi paused and blushed deeply, "And as for last Shabes...well, I'm afraid that I picked up my wife's set of teeth by mistake!"
In 1999 Rabbi Abraham B. Eckstein, in his Rosh Hashanah sermon, proposed a Jewish New Year resolution that one needn't be Jewish to do: Pay a compliment ("kompliment") to at least one person everyday of the year ("yor").
In 2000, .Rabbi Norman Lamm, said, it might be "almost impossible not to mention Mr. [Joseph] Lieberman in coming sermons." And Rabbi Isman Schorsch said any sermon mentioning Mr. Lieberman should note " that what is significant is that he's a practicing Jew."
Some members of the clergy choose titles that will catch people's attention. For a Hanukkah sermon, how about the title, " There is no such thing as a Hanukkah Bush"?
The follow sermon titles are certainly eye-catching:
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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe would like to
write a sermon titled, "A Religious Skullcap
for Women is NOT a YAMAHA!"
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