the schmooze
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York

Former New York mayor and Republican presidential candidate, Rudy Giuliani and his wife, Judith, have purchased a $1.4 "milyon" unit at the Southlake Condominium on Palm Beach.

Much that has been written about Florida has been less than flattering:

"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that is the law."
         Jerry Seinfeld

He wrote, "How it works:  They got the leisure police.  They pulled up in front of the old people's house with a golf cart, jump out.  'Let's go, pop, white belt, white pants, shite shoes, get in the back.  Drop the shovel right there.  Drop it!"

"Two things Florida can teach the other 49 states:  how to make a good margarita and how to deal with the aftermath of hurricanes."
         Tom Feeney

"Miami Beach is where neon goes to die."
         Lenny Bruce

"I've heard it was dangerous to walk around Miami."
         Victoria Abril

"Jews don't care about ancient rivalries.  We worry about humidity in Miami."
        Evan Sayer

"Ah, Florida:  sun, surf, sand, South Beach, and senior citizens.  That's about it, right?"
       Charlie Carlson

"So come on down to Florida."
       Red Buttons

And, yes, there's the Yiddish version of the Child's View of Retirement [in Florida]:
After the Hanukkah/Christmas break, "der melamed" (elementary level teacher) asked her small pupils how they spent the holidays.  One "yingl" (boy), whose grandparents live in a Century Village development in S. Florida, said

"We always spend Hanukkah at Grandma and Grandpa's.  They used to live in a "groys hoyz" (big house) on Long Island, but Grandpa got RETARDED and moved to Florida.  They live in a park with a lot of RETARDED people.  They all go to a "binyin" (building) called the WRECK HALL, but it is all fixed.  They all do exercises but not too well.  They play a game with big checkers and push them around on the floor with sticks.  There is a swimming pool but nobody seems to be "shvimen."  I guess nobody taught them.  They just stand around there in the "vaser" (water) with their hats on.  The "shneyfeygelekh" (snowbirds) talk with the "shneyelekh" (snowflakes).  Everyone tells me, "Kumzitz" (come and sit).  They all say that I've got "shpilkes."  I think it means "ants in my pants."

My grandma used to bake chocolate chip cookies and "ruggelach" for me, but nobody cooks or bakes there.  They all go to restaurants that are fast and have discounts.  They are "esn aroys" (eating out) all the time.  "Bobe" and "zeyde" eat at 4:30 in the afternoon.  I'm not even "hungerik" (hungry) at that hour!

When you come into the park, there is a doll "hoys" with a man sitting in it.  He's hired to "tsukukn zikh" (watch) all day and night so they can't get out without him seeing them.  I guess "yeder eyner" (everybody/everyone) forgets who they are because they all wear badges with their names on them.

Grandma says that Grandpa worked hard all his life to earn his RETARDMENT.  I wish they would move back to Long Island, but I guess the man in the doll "hoyz" won't let them out."
And California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, trying to pump up his own state as a top destination for tourists and businesses, told a Silicon Valley conference recently that Florida is "for the old people"--the "alt" people.

Schwarzenegger regularly promotes California by saying it's the greatest state in the nation, and often picks on other states.

"Mr. Olympia," I have just three words for you:
              (Don't talk nonsense.)

Florida residents are not all sitting in a "vig-shtulekhl" (rocking chair)!  I invite you to take a trip to the Sunshine State and see first-hand what brings people of ALL AGES to this state.

.  Orlando attracts more visitors than any   other amusement park destination in the   U.S.

. Miami installed the first bank automated   teller machine especially for rollerblades.

. The Morikami Museum & Japanese   Gardens in Delray Beach is the only   museum in the U.S. dedicated exclusively   to the living culture of Japan.

. Tallahassee is the center of both government and education.  The number of  young people in the city gives it a vitality somewhat different from other places in Florida.

.  Gainesville has a young student    population.  It is listed as one of the Top    10 Cities to Live in the U.S.

.  Gatorade was named for the Univ. of    Florida where the drink was first    developed.

.  Miami Beach pharmacist, Benjamin Green, invented the first suntan cream in 1944.    He accomplished this development by cooking cocoa butter in a granite coffee pot on his wife's stove.

.  Seniors and non-seniors are enrolled in Grand Edventures, a series of intriguing  lectures.  Sample topics: "The Barrymores, A triumvirate of Talent" "The Jews of Italy:  from Julius Caesar to Mussolini"  "Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction?" (see:

So, Mr. Schwarzenegger, when you return from the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, come tour  Florida.  I've got a 3/2/2 in a gated community, wide golf and water views, gourmet "kikh," hardwood floors, impact glass...and "yung" couples waiting to greet you.  "Gib a kuk." (Give a look.)


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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of
two books:
yiddish for dog and cat loversbook
"Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and
"Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction?  Yiddish
Trivia."  To order a copy, go to her

NU, what are you waiting for?  Order the book!

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