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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
The New York Times said, "In the wake of the recent election, there has been some talk of healing. We are so hung up on blue states and red states that our only hope may lie in the primary color that has been left off the map. We need something--or someone--YELLOW... Now more than ever, the country needs SpongeBob Squarepants."
"Di nayes" is "shlekht." (The news is bad.) Americans' ardor for inflatable Nickelodeon cartoon characters has led to a recent rash of burglaries. Around Thanksgiving, giant SpongeBob Squarepants inflatables started disappearing from Burger King restaurants nationwide. Around 100 have been stolen in more than 15 states from Florida to Utah. The headline of the Muskegon Chronicle read, "Barnacles! SpongeBob thieves foiled."
Imagine stealing the "zeks" (6) foot-tall humanoid yellow sponge who wears tan shorts, a "vays hemd" (white shirt), "shvarts" shoes, and "kni zoks" (knee socks).
Some of the inflatables have been selling on EBay for as much as a "toyznt" ($1,000) dollars. Sounds like material for a forthcoming episode of CSI, "Sponge-Napping," starring Gil Grissom. Or is this a case for Rabbi David Small. (Small solved cases using skills that he'd honed in his talmudic studies.) Or, better yet, perhaps we need Hebrew secret agent Oy-Oy 7.
These thefts are "a shonde un a kharpe"--a shame and a disgrace. Rewards are being offered and one Burger King owner is offering a FREE Whopper a week for a year for SpongeBob's return or information leading to his return.
It's vandalism and kidnapping. A "oysleyzgelt brivl' (ransom note) was found at one restaurant. It said, "We have SpongeBob"-- and demands "ten Crabby Paddies, fries, and 'milkh shakes' (milkshakes)." In Maryland, two l8-year-olds stole a SpongeBob. Since they had no car for the getaway, they called a cab-- and paid for three fares!
What bothers me? Our Jewish sons and daughters laugh when they read of the thefts. Yes, I also laughted when I read Bill Cosby's 1991 book, "Childhood;." He wrote about teenagers Eddie and Harold who want to move a blue Crosley, one of the lightest little cars ever made. They don't want to steal it, just park it 'in a better place.' "It ain't really stealin' a car if nobody got a license to drive it," said one of the boys.
There are many forms of stealing: Jewish teenagers are just as eager to file-swap copyrighted music as any other youngsters. They accept the fact that fraternities use their pledges with high GPA's as personal term paper writers. They find this type of stealing different from stealing merchandise at The Gap or groceries from the local SuperSol grocery store.
According to Rabbi Riddle, "Jewish law forbids taking something without permission, even if you intend to return it. Stealing even includes making a false impression. It's even forbidden to wake someone without reason because you're robbing him of his sleep."
Rabbi David E. Fass said,"There are, of course, gradations of wrong-doing that operate in every legal system. Stealing a car is bad. Stealing a skateboard is still bad, but somewhat less bad."
Perhaps Ellen Goodman was correct when she wrote, "Getting into a teenager's mind is like spelunking down a cave without a miner's light." However, parents MUST stress the 8th of the Ten mitzvot (commandments): THOU SHALT NOT STEAL. Stealing is a bad habit and should be corrected early in a person's life. Our "kinder" must have "derekh-erets" (respect) for the possessions of others.
Humorist, Boyce House, told the story of a Texas lawyer who asked his rough-looking client if he knew what an alibi was. "Yes," said the client, "that's when I can prove I was somewhere else when I stole the horse."
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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of
two books:
"Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and
"Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction? Yiddish
Trivia." To order a copy, go to her
website: MarjorieGottliebWolfe.com
NU, what are you waiting for? Order the book!
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