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S.A.T. (Such A Tacky)
Sweater Vest Exam
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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The "sveter vestl' (sweater vest) is back!
Rick Santorum, the GOP presidential candidate wears a sweater vest.
Grab a #2 pencil and let's see how well you do on this not-so-serious quiz.
1. According to some writers, Santorum wears a sweater vest for which of the following reasons?
A) It makes a statement without saying a "vort" (word)
B) It is an attempt to align himself with the
common man
C) His wife, Karen, and his 6 children gave
him several sweater vests for Christmas
2011.
D) Jos. A. Bank offered:
BUY ONE SUIT, GET 1 SPORTS JACKET,
2 SHIRTS, 2 TIES, AND 2 SWEATER VESTS
FOR FREE
2. Rick Santorum
A) is very aware of the "complete fashion
faux pas" the sweater vest presents
B) has already ordered his inaugural
sweater vest
C) says that his sweater vest actually won
the Iowa Caucus
D) has published the "Sweater Vest
Quarterly." Look for it at your local
newsstand.
E) None of the above
3. Rick Santorum visited,
A) The Bemidji Woolen Mills in Bemidji,
Minnesota, where his famous sweater
vests are made
B) the National Yiddish Book Center in
Amherst, Mass, where Aaron Lansky
taught him the Yiddish words for
sweater vest ("sveter vestl")
C) an Old Navy store in Virginia that
sells sweater vests
4. What is "der prayz" (the cost) to purchase one sweater vest from Santorum's campaign "vebzayt" (website)?
A) $100...and his website has the
brilliant one-liner, "don't let sleeves
slow you down--donate today!
B) $100...and they've sold over 1300
of the sleeveless wonders to
supporters
C) Both of the above
5. The New York Times positions
Santorum's vest as "grandfatherly."
Which newspaper went out on a limb
and accused Santorum of "looking like a
McDonald's trainee"?
A) Newsday
B) Boston Herald
C) "The Onion"
6. Which first lady wore a "sleeveless
sweater" along with her tweeds?
Hint; She also said, "The future belongs
to those who believe in the beauty of
their dreams.
A) Bess Truman
B) Jackie Kennedy
C) Eleanor Roosevelt
7. Which of these facts is true?
A) News 4 U carried this headline:
"Rick Santorum's Shmata Vest"
B) Jimmy Kimmel said,"If Rick Santorum
can sell sweater vests, then Ron Paul
can sell his crazy eyebrows."
C) Scarlett Johansson, 27, who stepped
out at a fundraiser for Pres. Obama,
hosted by Vogue in NYC, said, "Oh,
gosh, so sad. My dad wore them and
I mean they're charming for family
photos I guess and dinner with the
grandparents. I think there's an ironic
way to wear a sweater vest but other
than that I'm not sure."
D) All of the above
8. Stephen Colbert said, "Yes, fear the vest, in Iowa, that look is fierce."
A) True
B) False
C) "Ver vaist?" (Who knows?)
D) "Vos macht dos oys?" (What
difference does it make?)
9. David Letterman said,
A) "Rick Santorum looks like a guy
running for student council."
B) "I was talking to a friend about
Santorum. He said, 'For all my years
with the State Department, I know
one thing. Terrorists, what they fear
most is a guy in a sweater vest.'"
C) "Rick Santorum's approval rating is
33 percent. His sweater vest comes in
at 17 percent."
D) "Rick Santorum was the big winner.
He is feeling very lucky. He already
is being fitted for an inaugural
sweater vest."
E) "He even called global warming a
hoax, which is no surprise, coming
from a guy who is clearly in the
pocket of big sweater vests."
F) "Rick Santorum (is taking) fire from
the left. He may want to get a Kevlar
sweater vest."
ANSWERS:
1. B
2. C
3. A
4. C
5. B
6. C
7. D
8. A
9. A, B, and D
C and E were said by Jimmy Kimmel
F was said by Stephen Colbert
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Marjorie Wolfe'S FAVORITE QUOTE by
Jimmy Fallon: "Rick Santorum said women
might not be suited for military action because their emotions are not suited for
combat. Which can only mean one thing;
He's never seen an episode of 'The View.'"
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