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SHE HAS A LOT OF “CHOCHMEH”*
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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Note: *The Yiddish word for “pain” is “veytik”/”vaitik”
The word “chochmeh” means “wisdom”
Sheryl Sandberg is Facebook’s No. 2 executive
The late Maya Angelou said, “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” And there’s a Hebrew proverb that goes, “Say not in grief ‘he is no more’ but in thankfulness that he was.”
Forty-seven year old, Dave Goldberg, Silicon Valley executive, passed away on May 1, 2015. He slipped while exercising on a treadmill and struck his head. He was CEO of SurveyMonkey, a commercial service for conducting online polls. As of 2015, SurveyMonkey had 25 million users, completing 90 million surveys a month. Fortune.com said the company is worth $2 billion after its latest fundraising round.
Goldberg, who was known to his friends as “Goldie,” has been described as a lifelong feminist, who encouraged his wife and other Silicon Valley women to demand higher salaries and more flexible working hours.
Rabbi Nat Ezray, spoke at his 90-minute funeral service. He said, “Dave was not only a mensch, but a “tzadik”--a wise and generous (“breythartsik”) man who helped us connect with a deeper and truer part of ourselves.
Bono sang his song, “One,” swapping out Jesus for “Abraham,” in a nod to Goldberg’s Jewish faith. “One” is often used to promote human rights or social justice causes.
Bono described the song’s theme as such: It is a song about coming
together, but it’s not the old hippie idea of ‘Let’s all live together.‘ It is,
in fact, the opposite. It’s saying, We are one, but we’re not the same.
It’s not saying we even want to get along, but that we HAVE TO GET ALONG together in this world if it is to survive. It’s a reminder that we
have no choice...It suggests that it is a privilege (“privilegye”) to help
one another, not an obligation (“hiskhayvis”).
Source: From Wikipedia
Note: The Yiddish terms have been added.
Bob Iger, chief exec of Walt Disney, wrote on Goldberg’s Facebook page, “Everything he did was done with enthusiasm (“entuzyazm”), commitment; and a warm and humble touch that we all loved and we will all remember.”
David Bruce (“Dave”) Goldberg graduated magna cum laude from Harvard in 1989. He lived with his wife and two children in Menlo Park, California.
Dave’s wife, Sheryl Sandberg, just came to the end of “sheloshik” for her beloved husband. Sheloshim is the 30-day mourning period after the burial and including the first seven days of shiva. It is observed by the immediate family and is designed to allow the mourner to get over the shock of the death. The mourners return to work after the first seven days, but other restrictions remain in place, such as refraining from attending weddings, dances, parties and similar celebratory events.
The Hebrew word for mourning is “avelut” and it consists of three periods: shiva, sheloshim, and the year of mourning, according to Shiva.com. In Yiddish, the word meaning “to mourn” is “troyern,” and the mourner’s doxology is “der kadish.”
Sheryl opened up recently about the loss of her husband (“der man”) by posting on Facebook. She wrote--in part:
“I know how lucky I have been. If the day I walked down that aisle with Dave someone had told me that this would happen--that he would be taken from us all in just 11 years--I would still have walked down the aisle...Things will never be the same--but the world is better for the years my beloved husband lived.” She continued,
“Dave was my rock. When I got upset, he stayed calm. When I was worried, he said it would be OK. When I wasn’t sure what to do, he figured it out. He was completely dedicated to his children in every way - and their strength these past days is the best sign I could have that Dave is still here with us in spirit.”...
“A childhood friend of mine who is now a rabbi recently told me that the most powerful one-line prayer he has ever read is: “Let me not die while I am still alive.” I would have never understood that prayer before losing Dave. Now I do.
I think when tragedy (“tragedye”) occurs, it presents a choice. You can give in to the void (“posl”), the emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even breathe (“otemen”). Or you can try to find meaning. These past 30 days, I have spent many of my moments lost in that void. And I know that many future moments will be consumed by the vast emptiness as well.
But when I can, I want to choose (oys klaybn”) life and meaning.
And this is why I am writing: to mark the end of sheloshim and to give back some of what others have given to me....So I am sharing what I have learned in the hope that it helps someone else...
I have lived 30 years in these 30 days. I am 30 years sadder. I feel like I am 30 years wiser. (Note: The Yiddish words for “wise woman” are “di khakhkome.”)...
I learned this past month what he [David] was trying to teach me. Real empathy is sometimes not insisting that it will be OK but acknowledging that it is not. When people say to me, “You and your children will find happiness (“glik”) again,” my heart tells me, “Yes I believe that, but I know I will never (“keyn mol nit”) feel pure joy again.”...When I am asked, “How are you?” I stop myself from shouting, “My husband died a month ago, how do you think I am?” When I hear, “How are you today?” I realize the person knows that the best I can do right now is to get through each day.
I have learned how ephemeral everything can feel--and maybe every- thing is. That whatever rug you are standing on can be pulled right out from under you with absolutely no warning. In the last 30 days, I have heard from too many women who lose a spouse and then had multiple rugs pushed out from under them.
I have learned gratitude. I was talking to one of these friends about a father-child activity that Dave is not here to do. We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. I cried to him, “But I want Dave. I want option A.” He put his arm around me and said, “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the s--t out of option B.”
Dave, to honor your memory and raise your children as they deserve
to be raised, I promise to do all I can to kick the s--t out of Option B.
And even though sheloshim has ended. I still mourn for option A. I will
always mourn for option A. As Bono sang, “There is no end to grief...
and there is no end to love.” I love you, Dave.
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MARJORIE WOLFE found the following online comment by Mar Wilson-- whom she believes is Rabbi/essayist, MARC Wilson--so touching:
“Live so that the preacher doesn’t have to lie about you when you die!” I don’t know who said that but it is incredibly true. Most of us have been to funerals and heard people drone on about how great someone was but we knew it wasn’t true. From all accounts, Mr. Goldberg most definitely lived so that nobody had to lie about him after he died.”
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