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AND I'M A "TSITSER MOM"
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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There's nothing new about the phrase, "hockey mom"; it dates back to 1980. Its sudden fame is due to the fact that U. S. Republican Vice Presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, has labeled herself a "hockey mom."
A "hockey mom" is a woman with hockey- playing children, particularly one who spends lots of time driving her children to the rink and watching their games and practices.
One can even purchase a magnet which
reads:
THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
A HOCKEY MOM AND A PITBULL
IS LIPSTICK.
Well, how many "hockey moms" do you know who wear a shantung silk Valentino jacket worth $2,500 to the Republican National Convention?
in Bob Schieffer's new book, "America,"
he writes about Milton Berle. "Milton Berle
used to tell the story of how his mother
saw all his performances, led the laughter,
stared down those who didn't laugh and
once, when a drunk in the audience made
a pass at her, did nothing until he finished
his act. She wasn't about to draw attention
from her son. But once he left the stage,
she pummeled the man with her fists and bit him. Only a mother."
There are so many different kinds of moms but one thing is true: "A shlekhte mame iz nito." (Yiddish for "There is no such thing as a bad mother.)
Shown below is a list of various kinds of mothers. Which one resembles you?
YUMMY Young, Upwardly Mobile Mommy
Stage mother
The Americn term for
someone who pushes her
child into show business.
"Khinukh" (Yiddish)
"Kyoikumma" (Japanese)
Education mama. A mom who
spends her children's entire
lives at college entrance
exams, some who preregisters
them for prestigious private
schools before birth.
Mrs. Levenson (Sammy Levenson's Mom)
Mrs. Levenson had lots of
"seykhl" (common sense).
When she discovered that her
kids practiced smoking, she
lined them up against the wall
for a mass execution and
pronounced the last words:
"Look, you wanna smoke,
smoke! But I want you to
know what's gonna happen.
First you'll smoke, then you'll
gamble, then you'll drink,
then you'll buy a gun, then
you'll hold up a grocery store,
then you'll kill somebody,
then you'll go to Sing Sing,
then you'll go to the death-
house, then you'll go to the
electric chair--and then you'll
first smoke!"
("In One Era & Out the Other"
by Sam Levenson)
"Restoran" (restaurant) critic mother
Fran Lebowitz (in Metropolitan Life) coined the term "Restaurant Critic
mother."
A mom who for years has
asked, "How was lunch dear?
only to be answered with
"O.K." She has spent her
entire life drilling her little
charge until the day when her
question elicits a response such
as: "Mommy, the sandwich was
superb. The Superchunky
Skippy was great."
MARR Mother (Mother Against Rock N' Roll) (From the B'way show, "Angry Housewives")
Momasaurus (Talking TOPS, Inc. Saurus,
trademark)
n. 1. A warm, loving parental
creature with the patience of a
saint whose motherly job is
never done.
2. Anyone who takes great
pride in raising her children.
Video "Mother"
Mother who wants a "beybi",
but doesn't want diapers and
midnight feedings. $19.95 buys
a 1-minute video called "Video
Baby." You get all of the enjoy-
ment of naming the little
cherub, and the experience of
parenthood without the mess
and inconvenience.
Stella Dallas
A true-to-life story of mother
love and sacrifice. Stella saw
her own beloved daughter,
Laurel, marry into wealth and
society, and, realizing the
difference in their worlds, went
out of Laurel's life.
MOM Milk of Magnesia Mom
"Tsitser" Mom
Mom who goes "tsk, tsk, tsk,
tsk, tsk!" (From Yiddish--and
Leo Rosten.) Example: "Sarah
Palin has a crib in the
governor's office and often
breastfeeds her special-needs
baby discretely while doing
government work. And now
Palin's 17-year-old pregnant
daughter will be forced to skip
essential stages of childhood
and quickly become a mom.
Tsk. tsk. tsk. tsk.
Prolific Mom
Mom who follows the advice
of Bill Cosby: "Some people
have several children because
they know there are going to
be failures. They figure if they
have a dozen, maybe one or
two will work out, for having
children is certainly defying
the odds."
"Pat the Bunny" Mom
Mom who is president of the
Long Island chapter of RIF
(Reading Is Fundamental) and
who adheres to the principle,
"Read a good book before
Hollywood ruins it."
Empty Nest Mother
Mom who responds positively
to the ad for a classic one-BR
residence with gleaming new
Eurostyle kitchen, ceramic tile
bath, and new thermopane
windows that tilt in for easy
cleaning...and which promise,
"We'll take junior off your
hands for as little as $118,800."
"Milk-and-Cookies" Mom
(Coined by David Elkind)
Moms (nd dads) who have a
"reverence for childhood as a
stage of life which must be
preserved," and who therefore
have "a relaxed attitude
toward their children."
"FacsiMommy"
Working Mom who purchases a
realistic life-sized model of
herself dressed in Mommy's
clothes and wearing Mommy's
"reyakh" (smell). A built-in
audiocassette player delivers
some of Mommy's favorite
prerecorded messages.
__________________
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is a Mom who
believes in the Hebrew expression,
"mishpacha bruchat Yeladim"--a family
blessed with children.
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