*Der oytomobile" means "the automobile"

by
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe

Syosset, New York

The opening pages of Billy Crystal's book, "700 Sundays" begins,

We got a new car! I was the most excited kid in the world beause we finally got a new car, and I didn't even know what make it was. All my father said on the phone was, "I just bought a new car, and it's a surprise, so, everybody be out in front of the house because I'm going to pull up exactly at noon."...Maybe it's the Ford Fairlane," Joel, who was fifteen, wondered. "No, I bet it's the Bonneville," Rip, eleven, said with authority. "He mentioned something about the Chrysler Imperial," said Mom...."What if he got," as I looked up to the sky with hope, "a Cadillac?" (I swear I could hear angels singing.) (He bought a Plymouth--with big fins, red leather interior, and push-button transmission.)

Rumor has it that the new cars being sold in Israel have many outstanding features found in no other cars in the world. Of course, they have a few drawbacks, too. The exhaust smells from schmaltz, and on Shabbos, the owner must hire a goy to turn on the headlights. But the Israeli cars get very good mileage: thirty-eight miles to a gallon. Not gasoline--chicken soup!

Below are some Yiddish expressions which can be used in an "oytomobile" showroom when attempting to buy a new or used car:

"Ich kuk zich nor arum." (I am just looking.)

"Kh'hob nisht lib dingen, zikh." " Ich glich not handlin." (I dislike the bargaining process.)

"Tis farkoyft ir a muster?" (Do you have a demo for sale?)

"Veefil mile oif a gallon ken dem, machine farin?" (How many mpg. does this car get?)

"Ken ich bakumin an oisdruk fun dem prize?" (Can I get a printout of the sticker?)

"Es is zaier eier." (It is very expensive.)

"Di machine ken gut fargicherin offen freeway?" (Does the car accelerate well on the freeway?)

"Der rezerv redel is a grosseh?" (Is the spare a full-sized tire?)

"Es gefelt mir nit." (I don't like it.)

"Iz dos bilinger far z'keynim?" (Is it cheaper for senior citizens?)

(after the test drive)

"Es gait nit." (It isn't running smoothly.)

"Epes iz kalyeh gevoreh mit dem oyto." (Something is wrong with the car.)

"Veist mir an ander model.' (Show me another model.)

"Ich volt gevolt dos koyfen." (I would like to buy this.)

"Ich vil zaiden di gantseh macher." (I want to see the manager.)

[salesperson discusses the purchase of a TV/VCP console for that long trip to the " mishpocheh" in Boynton Beach, FL]

"Ich darf es ahf kapores. Aroysgevorfen gelt." (I have no use for it. A waste of money.)

[after signing on the dotted line]

"Zol zein mit glick!" (Good luck to you!)

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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe's favorite Mick Stevens cartoon (The New Yorker), has an automobile salesperson saying to a potential customer, "It runs on its conventional gasoline-powered engine until it senses guilt, at which point it switches over to battery power."