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Because life doesn't come with an instruction manual, we all need mother's " eytse" (advice).
Yes, we all know that President Bush lost consciousness for a few seconds while watching a National Football League playofff game in his "shloftsimer" (bedroom) at the White House. The cause: a pretzel that had gone down the wrong way. One cartoonist labeled it an "Enron Quality, Low-Cholesterol pretzel."
President Bush said, "If my mother is listening, mother, I should have listened to you: Always chew your pretzels before you swallow."
What pearls of "khokhme" (wisdom) have been dropped from celebrity and non-celebrity mothers? Let's see:
1. Never leave an open hockey gear bag in a shut-up "oytomobile" for three days.
2. Whatever happens, happens for good.
3. Don't expect me to be a child care provider on Saturday night.
4. Don't put that in your "moyl" (mouth)-- you don't know where it's been.
5. You have enough "schmutz"/'shmuts" behind those ears to grow potatoes.
6. When driving, wear a seat belt.
(Remember: Gov. Jon S. Corzine wore no seat belt in a car driven 91 mph. and
was critically injured.)
7. The least demanding child is frequently neglected.
8. Never date a Jewish girl name "Tiffany."
It'll cost you big bucks!
9. You'd better be darn sure you want a tattoo because you'll never be able to get rid of it.
10. Most "klayder" (clothing) items have tags in them. Read them!
11 Chicken nuggets is not considered to be a major food group.
12. Jewish children never suffer from "kreplachaphobia." (This term was mentioned in Marnie Winston- Macauley's book, "Yiddish Mamas - The Truth About The Jewish Mother."
13. Extra fluffy towels can be difficult to dry and require lots of quarters on college laundry day.
14 Never breast feed a kid who wears braces.
15. "Adult children" is an oxymoron!
16. One should NEVER lie on a resume.
(Remember what happened to M.I.T.'s Marilee Jones!)
17. Eat your dinner--there are children all over the world that are starving.
18. All the great discoveries in "visnshaft" (science) were made in one of the three "Bs"--bus, bed, and bath--not Brooks Brothers, Bloomingdale's, or BJ's.
19. Never refer to a group of women as "the guys,' especially if they're wearing Shalimar perfume, mascara blush, lipstick, and undergarments that support curves guys do not have.
20. Never call yourself "Tough Guy Levi."
(from the vaudeville hit, "I'm a Yiddish Cowboy.")
21. Read Rabbi Marc Gellman's book titled, "Always wear clean underwear, and other ways your parents tell you they love you."
22. Remember that a "pink slip" is not down-sized lingerie.
23. If you are old enough to have a gray chest, you're probably too old to be shopping at Urban Outfitters. (quote by Michael Patrick King)
24. Women, "Never wear a white top with a black bottom or you will be mistaken for the caterer's help." (quote by Patricia Marx)
25. To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world. author unknown
25. Remember: "sheynkeyt fargeyt, khokhme bashteyt"--beauty fades, wisdom stays.
__________
Marjorie Wolfe advises her three grown sons: "Square clothes clash with
corner offices." (taken from an ad for Britches of Georgetown)
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