I am one of those lucky people who are

"gebentsht mit kinder"--blessed with

children.  Our three sons came to us via

adoption...and I thank them for giving me the title of "muter" (mother, in Yiddish.)

  Rabbi David Aaron ("Living a

Joyous Life - The True Spirit of Jwish Practice") reminds us that Jewish matriarchs Sarah, Rebecca, and Rachel all

had fertility problems, and therefore they

prayed intensely for children.

And so I wish ALL mothers a very Happy

Mother's Day, 2010.  Special good wishes

to Jessica and Valerie.

                  CHRONOLOGY - 1924 - 2010

2010  "Babies," a documentary that tracks

          the growth of four newborns in vastly

          different regions of the globe, opens

          on May 7.  The conclusion:  Babies

          sure are cute!

          Research shows that a chubby "beybi"

          may not necessarily be a "gezunt"

          (healthy) one.  They may have the risk

          factor for obesity that may [lie]

          dormant for a while, only to raise its

          head in adulthood

          Amy Wilson wrote, "When Did I Get

          Like This?:   The Screamer, the

          Worrier, the Dinosauer-Chicken-

          Nugget-Buyer, and Other Mothers I

          Swore I'd Never Be."

          "A shlekhte mame iz nito."

          (There is no such thing as a bad

          mother.)

2009  Eugenie Olson ("Pregnancy HAIKU -

          Three Short Lines for Your Nine Long

          Months"), wrote,

              Old wives' tale says that

              heartburn means hairy baby

              Guess mine is a chimp.

2006  Brandy Womack of Manteca, CA, gave

          birth to a 14 lb. girl, Olivia.

          Robin Buzzell of Milwaukee gave

          birth to Delaney Jessica, who

          weighed 13 lbs., 12 ozs.  She's been

          dubbed the "Big Enchilada."

          A mohel's fee varies from location to

          location, the range being between

          $400 to $800.  (Zachary Hepner's

          WebPage)

          Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise

          welcomed their first child together,

          "Suri." The name has its origins in

          Hebrew, meaning "princess."

2005  Billy Crystal ("700 Sundays") wrote,

          "My Grandma Susie (Kasindorf) was

          one of nine children.  Grandpa

         Julius (Gabler) was one of four

         brothers, and all of these people had

         a lot of kids; they really took the 'Be

         fruitful and multiply quote from the

         Bible very seriously..."

2004  Americans spend $6 "bilyon" a year

          on gear for their babies.  A "milyon"

          of them will be registered at Babies

          R Us, Wal-Mart, and Target.

2003  Peggy Orenstein wrote, "Don't tell

          anyone the [baby's] name before

          the baby is born."

          Peter Hochstein ("Up From Seltzer")

          shares the name of that nice Jewish

          Boy:

          lst generation:  Yussel Pincus

          2nd generation:  Irving Pincus

          3rd generation:  Robert Pincus

          4th generation: Sean Pincus

2002  "She Magazine" wrote:  "Women

          over 50 don't have babies because

          they would put them down and

          forget where they left them."

          www.pastornet.net, wrote, "If Men

          Got Pregnant...natural childbirth

          would become obsolete."

2001  Abe Weiss says, "Israel is the only

          country in the world where fathers

          of newborns are granted paid leave

          from work when a child is born, and

          if it's a boy, they get the day of the

          bris off, too.

2000  Arcelia Garcia, a 54-year-old mother

          of 8, who has 15 grandchildren, gave

          birth to triplets.  "Yeder hot zayn

          eygene meshugass."  (Everyone has

          his own craziness.)

          Bob Kopac defines "offspring" as

          "awful spring--children born to

          farmers nine months after a

          particularly snowy or rainy planting

          season.

1999  David M. Bader ("Haikus for Jews")

          writes:  "For you, a little wisdom."

          Ex.   "Can't you just leave it?"

                  the new Jewish mother asks -

                  umbilical cord

1998  Each day, more than 3,400 baby boys

          are circumcised in hospitals across

          the U.S. (Icon Magazine, April)

          An embryo kept on "ayz" (ice) for

          seven years has developed into a

          "gezunt" (healthy) 8-pound boy,

          the world's oldest newborn.

          There are now more "tsviling" (twins)

          and "higher order" multiples than

          ever in history.  The primary reason:

          fertility "meditsin" (drugs). 

1997  Mary Ann Madden defines an

          "amniosynthesis" as "a brief report on

          the progress of pregnancy."

          Paul Reiser ("babyhood") says of his

          wife's sonogram:  "Gee, honey, it

          looks like your mother, if she were

          small, bald, had no eyelids, and was

          floating in amniotic fluid."

1995  Bethesda Memorial Hospital, FL,

          requires that newborn babies all wear

          electronic anti-theft devices.  "Az men

          lebt, der lebt men."  (If you live long

          enough, you see a lot.)

          Vicki Lovine ("The Girlfriends" Guide

          to Pregnancy:  Or Everything Your

          Doctor Won't Tell You," contains

          these lies:

          "Maternity clothes are so much cuter

          now."

          "Lameze works"

1994  Ann Lamott wrote, "Having a baby

          really isn't at all like having cats.  It's

          more like having Eva Peron--with

          PMS--come stay at your house."

1993  One out of every 6 obstetricians in

          New York State (up from one out of

          10 in 1990) have stopped delivering

          babies.

          Tom Carey ("The Marriage

          Dictionary") defines labor as "what

          your eight-and-a-half-months

          pregnant sister and Maid of Honor

          will go into during your wedding

          vows."  "Nit far dir gedakht!"

          (May it never happen to you.)

1992  Dave Barry wrote, "At the beginning

          of the twentieth century, women

          started having babies in hospital

          rooms.  Civilian males remained in

          waiting rooms reading old copies of

          Field and Stream."

1991  Candice Bergen's unmarried news-

          woman on CBS' "Murphy Brown"

          decides to have a baby.  VP, Dan

          Quayle, expresses outrage.

          A dictionary contains the term

          "hyper-ventilation":  n.  The

          production of an unusually large

          number of eggs by a woman at one

          time, especially as a result of

          hormone therapy for infertility.

1989  Joyce Armor defines a hospital gown

          as "a garment that hospitals make

          pregnant women wear to discourage

          them from going out for pizza."

1987  A new study reports that breast-

          feeding may contribute to straighter

          "tseyner" (teeth).

1986  Dan Greenerg ("Confessions of a

          Pregnant Father") wrote, "I recall

          Joan Rivers's routine in which she

          says that when her water broke, it

          drowned the cat."

1985  3.5 "milyon" babies arrived this "yor."

          Each bundle of joy will be changed

          an average of 7 times a day for about

          2.5 years.  Each change will "kostn"

          (cost) 17 cents on average.

1984  The book, "What to Expect When

          You're Expecting" begins its reign as

          the most loved...and loathed...guide

          in America.

1983  The LDS Hospital in Salt Lake City

          offered a $100 rebate if a mother and

          child leave the hospital a day after

          delivery.  "Take a metsie."  (Really a

          bargain.)

1980  The nation's average stay for a

          vaginal delivery was 3.2 days.

1978  Louise Brown became the world's

          first IVF baby.

1975  In "All in the Family" [12/15] Gloria

          goes into labor in a restaurant, then

          gets trapped in a "telefon" booth.

          Dr. Shapiro, on the other end of the

          "telefon," suggests putting the booth

          in an "ambulans" (ambulance).

1974  27% of fathers are present at the

          birth of their children.  "Vunderlekh!"

1973  Sam Levenson ("In One Era & Out the

          Other") wrote, "To keep bread from

          getting stale, you had more children."

1970  A B'klyn doctor, Richard Waltman,

          claims that a couple of drinks a day

          might be good for the unborn "beybi"

          (baby).  "Tai mit limeneh"?  (Tea with

          lemon?)

1969  Disposable diapers are now available.

          "A mekhaye."  (To delight)

1964  Dan Greenberg ("How To Be A

          Jewish Mother") advises:  "Let your

          child hear you sigh every day; if you

          don't know what he's done to make

          you suffer, HE will."

1950s American Maternity Shops coin the

          regal term, "Lady-in-Waiting."

1953  "Fertsik milyon" (40 million)

          Americans watched when Lucy gave

          birth to her TV child.

1945  Dr. Spock publishes his "bukh,"

          "Baby and Child Care."  Dan

          Greenberg wrote, "Spock, shloc,

          don't talk to me about that stuff.  A

          man doesn't know how to bring up

          children until he's been a mother."

1934  The Sears Roebuck catalog offered a

          Babies Storkline "veeg" (crib) for

          $9.95.

1924  Maternity fashions were shown for

         the "ershter" (first) time.  "Danken

         Got!"  (Thank God!)