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RIP, MORTY SEINFELD YOU WERE A 'RICHTIGER MENSCH*
*Yiddish word for "a really great guy"
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
Seinfeld's TV "tate," Barney Martin (Morty Seinfeld), 82, passed away. He appeared in more than "tsvantsik" (20) episodes, and told the Associated Press that "playing Jerry's dad was like having whipped cream on top of a mountain of ice cream." He was the Florida retiree who complained about the Costanzas, and launched an ill-fated run for chairman of his Boca Raton condominium board. He likes his $200 Wizard organizer, which he only uses to calculate "trinkgelt" (tips).
Imagine how the "Boca Breeze"--the newsletter at the fictional Del Boca Vista (Phase III) condo--will announce his death: :-)
DEAR RESIDENTS:We're sorry to report that Morty Seinfeld has passed away. Put on your "Number One Dad" T-shirt. We'd tell you to wear a beltless raincoat in his honor, but it's supposed to be 90 degrees today...and
you'll "shvitz." Our condolences are extended to Helen and the family. Services are being held at I J Morris on Okeechobee Blvd. The family will be sitting "shiva" at the Seinfeld condo. If you wish to contribute toward a platter of kosher food from Ben's in Boca, contact Mitzi at 561.... NO MORE Morty refusing to let Jerry pay for a"moltsayt" (meal) anytime they go out to eat even if he has no money to pay the bill. "Der rekhening iz do, ober doz gelt iz nito." (The bill is here, but the money is not.)
Complaints about Velcro; Morty can't stand the tearing sound it makes when separated.
Starring in the condo association's "yerlekh" (annual) show.
Great Moments
Morty: "You know what my greatest moment was, don't you? 1946. I went to work for Harry Fleming and I came up with the idea for the beltless trench coat." (He wore the coat to the show's wrap party in 1998 and had the cast sign it.) Hearing discussions about "Flabby Armed Spanking Machines"--a situation one encounters when trying to "shvimen" in a pool when a large group of elderly people are having an aquatics class. "Full-Turns"--a move employed in the Royal Poinciana Playhouse, the Kravis Center, or The Regal cinemas, usually combined with the "eye roll." This technique is usually employed after the "half-turn" fails to quiet
the talkative people sitting behind one in a theater. "LBJ"
An act in which Morty continues to speak about important matters to a fellow "arbeter" (worker) when unknowingly to the speaker the other person is no longer present.
Talk about the "Buffer Zone"--the mean separation between one's "tate-mame" (parents) and their "kinder" (children), The greater the Buffer Zone, the greater the quality of life.
Cadillac - Schmaddilac
Jerry visits his parents in Florida and surprises them by buying them a new Cadillac. ("Un itst fort er arum in a Kedilek!" - And now he's driving around in a Kedilek!) Jim Klompus accuses Morty of embezzling funds to pay for his new"Kedilek." Jerry has to rebuy the "Kedilek"from his parents after they sell it to Jack
Klompus for "zeks toyznt" ($6,000) in orderto give Jerry some money to help him out.
Jacket stories
Scene: Jerry's apartment.
Jerry's parents are in town. His father is watching "di televisye" (the TV); his mother is ironing his father's jackets.
Helen (to Morty):
"You have so many nice jackets I don't know why you had to bring this jacket. Who wears a jacket like this? (He's "shtil." "Red tsu der vant." Talk to a wall.) What's wrong with that nice gray one? You have beautiful
clothes. They sit in your closet. Morty, you can't wear - this."
Scripts
Frank: "Are you telling me there is not one condo available in all of
Del Boca Vista?"
Morty: "That's right. They went like hotcakes."
Frank: "How'd you get yours?"
Morty: "Got lucky."
[No, he didn't enter a lottery or camp out all night to be the first to buy
homes at some boynton Beach
development.]
Frank: "Are you trying to keep us out of Del Boca Vista?"
Jerry: "I know this doesn't seem like work today to any of you--if you
could perhaps conduct the psychopath
convention down the hall..."
- Telephone" conversations that go like this:
Morty: "Hello?"
Frank: "This is Frank Costanza."
Morty: "Whatta' want?"
Frank (giving a "geshrey" (shout):
" You think you can keep us out of Florida? We're gonna' be moving in lock, stock and barrel. We're gonna be in the pool. We're gonna be in the club house. We're gonna be all over that shuffle boad court! And I dare you to keep me out!!!"
- "Hole-in-One"
The act of playing golf on the beach with sole intention of putting into a whale blowhole.
- Comments about Florida
Jerry: "My parents live in Florida now. They moved there last year. They didn't want to move to Florida, but they're in their sixties, and that is the law. You know how it works. They get the leisure police. They pull up in front of the old people's house with a golf cart, jump out, 'let's go Pop, white belt, white pants, white shoes, get in the back. Drop that snow shovel there, drop it."Morty Seinfeld, we'll miss you.
_____
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is a "snowbird." She
winters just a short distance from Del Boca Vista.
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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of
two books:
"Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and
"Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction? Yiddish
Trivia." To order a copy, go to her
website: MarjorieGottliebWolfe.com
NU, what are you waiting for? Order the book!
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