the schmooze
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York


Utah is about skiing, Mormons, and tech talent.  The Mormons and Utah have been making the news recently.

.  "South Park" creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone and Robert Lopez are working on a B'way musical named "The Book of Mormons."  It will juxtapose a tale of two young Mormon missionaries with the story of Joseph Smith, who founded Mormonism in the 19th century.  The South Park creators are no "fremders" (strangers) to poking fun at organized religion.  They recently attacked former cast member Isaac Hayes and his Scientology  beliefs.

"There's a lot of Mormon stuff in our work because Matt and I both grew up around a lot of Mormons," says Parker.  "I've never met a Mormon I didn't like.  They're so Disney.  They're so Rogers and Hammerstein." 

Cheyenne Jackson, a gay actor,  will play the main "parshoyn" (character).

.  According to the latest Best-performing cities survey from the Milken Institute, Provo-Orem and  Raleigh-Cary, NC, are actually bucking national unemployment trends by offering opportunities in growing sectors like technology and health care.  In the past five years, angel investors have pumped more than $30 million into Utah start-up businesses, many of them all in Provo-Orem.

"Ultimately, what this institution is about is relationships.  Whether it's your relationship with God or a spiritual relationship or relationship with another human being, it's about relationships, enchancing relationships, and making the lives of Utahns better," said Rabbi Joshua Aaronson.

There are many jokes and stories about Mormons:

The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?"

"No," he replied, "I've never done either."

'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?" inquired the doctor.

"No, I've never done any of those things either."

"Well then," said the doctor, "what do you want to live to be a hundred for?"

And now for my favorite Mormon story, "The Converts," #1285, The Jewish Jokes of

Benjamin is offered a high powered job as Head of Finance at Utah Life Assurance Inc. He and his Sarah sell their house in New York and move to Utah.  But Benjamin is unaware that it had been a difficult decision for the ULA President to offer him the job.

Even after Benjamin starts work, the ULA directors continue to put pressure on the President behind Benjamin's back.  "We're all Mormons on the board and we've never had someone Jewish on the board before. We find this very difficult to accept."  But they also know the Benjamin is proving to be the best.  He's a financial genius, a financial guru.

After much careful thought, the President decides on a course of action and calls Benjamin to his office.  "I'm afraid I've run into some opposition to your appointment. If you want to keep your $400,000 a year position, you'll have to convert.  Please let me know by tomorrow what you decide."

Benjamin has no choice.  However difficult it might be to convert, it's easier than losing his great new job.  So he goes home and tells Sarah, "It's simple, from this Sunday we'll be going to church with our children."

Over the months that follow, Sarah doesn't stop nagging.  "It's so difficult for me...I miss the candles...kiddush...festivals, etc.  You know. Benjamin, money isn't everything."

The more she nags him, the worse Benjamin's conscience bothers him, until finally he's had enough.  He goes back to the ULA President.  "I can't go on like this, sir, my troubles are eating me up inside. Money isn't everything to me.  Neither I nor Sarah can sleep at night.  It's too much for us.  I made the wrong decision. We were born Jews and we want to die Jews.  If you want me to quit, I'll go without making a fuss."

The President looks at him in amazement and says, "Listen, Benjamin, I had no idea it was so tough for you.  I thought switching religions would be simple.  But you are doing an excellent job here and I don't want to lose you.  Stay here and you can be as Jewish as you want - I'll take care of the directors."

Benjamin goes home to Sarah feeling absolutely great.  "Our troubles are over at last, darling," he says to her.  "I've spoken to the President and he's letting me keep my job and he said we can go back to being Jewish immediately."

Sarah looks at him with anger in her eyes. "Tell me, are you stupid or what?"

Benjamin is shocked.  "But I thought that was what you wanted all along, to be Jewish once more.  Don't you want to go back to being Jewish?"

Sarah looked very upset and replies, "Of course I do, but now, jus 2 weeks before Pesach?"


Search for Stories Beginning with the Letter
N O P Q R S T U V W   Y Z
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of
two books:
yiddish for dog and cat loversbook
"Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and
"Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction?  Yiddish
Trivia."  To order a copy, go to her

NU, what are you waiting for?  Order the book!

Yiddish Stuff
Jewish Humor
Schmooze News
More Majorie Wolfe
Jewish Stories
All Things Jewish
Jewish Communities of the World
Site Designed and Maintained by
Haruth Communications