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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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According to Wikipedia, "Mercedes Benz"
(the song) was sung by Janis Joplin. The
words indicate that she is asking the Lord
to buy her a Mercedes-Benz, a color
television ("televisye"), and a "night on the
town."
Joplin wrote the song together with poet,
Michael McClure and Bob Neuwirth, as a
critical social commentary on people who
relate happiness ("glik") to material
possessions. They place too much "vert"
(value) on items like a Mercedes-Benz.
Shown below are several rather humorous
and touching stories about the Mercedes.
1. Anne, a nursery school teacher at a Long
Island synagogue, is escorting her
3-year-olds to the parking lot at the end of
their 2 1/2-hour session. One of the
youngsters stares at the parking lot and
shouts, "Here comes Sadie. Here comes
Sadie."
Anne holds the boy's "hant" a little tighter. (Security
at synagogues was a
major concern at that time, as it is now.)
Anne is aware that the boy's mother is not
named Sadie, nor is the grandmother or the nanny.
Again, the boy shouts, "Here comes Sadie. Here comes
Sadie."
Anne looks up and what should appear?
A Mercedes E320!
2. A hip "yung" man goes out and buys a
Mercedes 560SEL, Arctic White, with burgundy leather interior. It costs
him
megabucks!
He takes it out for a spin and stops for a
"royt" (red) light. An "alt" (old) man on a
MOPED pulls up next to him. The man
looks over the sleek, shiny car and says,
"Shalom. What kind of car ya' got there,
sonny?" The "yung" man replies, "a 1986
Mercedes. Mint condition...and I paid
plenty for it."
With a tinge of envy, he says, "Dos heyst
gelebt." (That's what I call living.) "Mind if
I take a look 'ineveynik' (inside)?"
"No problem," replies the owner.
So the "alt" man pokes his head in the"fentster" (window)
and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his MOPED, the "alt"
man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!" Just then the light
changes so the
guy decides to show the "alt" man just
what his car can do. He floors it, and within
30 seconds the speedometer reads 320 mph.
Suddenly he notices a dot in his rearview
mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He
slows down to see what it could be and
suddenly, whhhooooosssshhh! Something
whips by him, going must faster! What on
earth could be going faster than my Mercedes 560SEL?" the "yung" man asks
himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot
coming toward him. Whooooooosh! It
goes by again heading in the opposite
direction! And it looked like the "alt" man
on the MOPED! "Couldn't be," thinks the
guy. "How could a MOPED outrun a
Mercedes?"
But again, he sees a dot in his rear view
mirror! Whooooosh Ka-Bbblammmmm! It
plows into the back of the car, demolishing
the rear end. The young man jumps out and it IS the "alt" man!! He
runs up to the
mangled "alt" man and says, "Omigod! Is
there anything I can do for you?" The
"alt" man whispers with his dying breath,
"Unhook..my 'shleykes' (suspenders)...from
your side-view mirror."
3. In the book, "Small Miracles for the Jewish Heart' by Yitta Halberstam & Judith
Leventhal, there's another Mercedes story.
I highly recommend that you read this
"vunderlech" book.
Shellie Shreiner recounts this story:
"For days I had been feeling queasy and
unwell. I couldn't quite pinpoint what was
wrong with me; it didn't feel like the flu or a stomach virus, nor was it an
ordinary
garden-variety cold, but something was
definitely not quite right...Had I picked up
some strange illness from one of the
preschoolers I teach every day? I wondered.
"It was December 4, 1979, and I was on my
way to the Jewish Community Center that
houses my preschool class. It is my custom
every morning to pray to God in the car
and He drives to work with me every single
day.
"I was in the midst of having my usual chat
(Ms. Wolfe adds the word "shmuesn") with
God that morning, when a certain suspicion
suddenly struck me. 'Okay, God,' I said, "if
I'm pregnant, could you please have the
fetus tap my stomach three times?' Then I
laughed at my own irreverence and at the
preposterousness of my proposal ("fershlog"). 'Okay, God,' I hastily
apologized, 'let me amend that. That is
asking too much even from You. Could you
just please send me a sign, any sign to let
me know if I'm pregnant?'
"At that very moment, a red sports
Mercedes pulled up in front of me--
seemingly out of nowhere--flashing the
license plate MOMMY.
"My mouth dropped open. God has aways been very obliging,
but this was what
you call fast work.
"After school, I went to the lab for a blood test, and when
the nurse told me
that indeed I was pregnant, she seemed
disappointed--almost indignant--at my
lack of surprise. Go explain that I've
already been told by a Higher Source than
her!
4. In 1981, I was driving down a road in
Connecticut, my by-then toddler
comfortably ensconced in her car seat in
the back, when I had a sudden flashback to
that momentous day two years before.
"I started reminiscing with my husband
and wondered aloud: 'Maybe I was
hallucinating or imagining the whole thing?
Do you think I could have really seen the
Mercedes with that license plate?'
"And at that very moment that I asked
him this question, the exact same red
Mercedes pulled out in front of me--
seemingly out of nowhere--flashing its
by-now familiar license plate: MOMMY.
"Yup,' my husband laughed. 'I would say
you really did see a car like that!"
__________________________
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe remembers a time
when the "perfekt" gift
for an 18-year-old
girl was a compact.
It still is--if it has 4
wheels.
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