No one was ever such a "paskudnyak" (nasty fellow) as Groucho Marx, when he wrote to author S. J. Perelman about his" ershter" (first) book titled, "Dawn Ginsbergh's Revenge." He wrote, "From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

Samuel Johnson, writer, critic, and lexicographer said [on writers, would be writers], "Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good."

During the early '80s, while writing a secretarial publication named "BIZ," an editor referred to me as a Renaissance person. I took that as a "kompliment" (compliment).

Over the years I've learned never to become discouraged. I hang letters of praise on "der fridzhider" (the refrigerator) right next to my grandhcildrens' art work. Form letters of rejection go directly to the" circular file" (AKA the "opfal").

My readers are invited to share some of the correspondence that I've received over the years:

Jan. 22, 1985

Dear Mrs. Wolfe,

We thoroughly enjoyed reading your "View From The Audience" and intend publishing it in a future issue of PLAYBILL. At this moment, I can't say which issue, but we want to pay you for it now. Please send me your Social Security Number and I will put through payment for you.

I did not see "Alone Together," but I have a feeling that your article is funnier than the play.

Sincerely,
Louis Botto, Senior Editor

Nov. 11, 1998

Dear Ms. Wolfe,

I have tried to reach you by phone several times, but I keep getting a busy signal. Actually, I had to wait until I stopped laughing to dial the phone.

We will use your very funny article in the Thanksgiving issue - but not in The Emunah section.

Naomi Mauer
Assistant to the Publisher
The Jewish Press

Dear Marjorie,

Enclosed is a check for your "Back-to-School Vocabulary List." We apologize for the typo in your name."

Debra Reilly, Editor
Island Kids & Parents

Dear Ms. Wolfe:

Thank you for submitting your piece," Yiddish S.A.T. Type Test." Due to persistent budget constraints, we.....

Karen Ann Bagnini
The Book Peddler

April 1986

Dear Marjorie:

The piece was terrific! {"Secretarial Quiz"]. We all enjoyed it.

Jane Gitlin
The Women's Record

Dear Contrbutor:

Thank you for submitting your manuscript to Palm Beach Jewish World. this is well- done, but we don't want to give " Grandparents Day" any help.

David Bittner
Associate Editor

Dear Mrs. Wolfe,

We're sorry for the typo in your piece on computers. Unfortunately, our proofreader is not, as yet, computer literate. She was unaware that a "byte" is a unit of information usually eight bits long and changed the word to "bite."

Unnamed editor

Dear Marjorie,

Many thanks for your article on "The Passover Effect." Ideas too scattered for use in our publication. But perhaps you can try one dealing with the positive effects of having an older person have some event to look forward to, something that give meaning to life --in spite of all the health problems, illnesses, slowing down, etc.

Carol Abaya
The Sandwich Generation

Dear Ms. Wolfe:

{Re: Trivia Quiz on Gen. Patton, Jr.]

General Patton never carried Pearl-handled pistols; they were Ivory-handled 45 cal. Frontier model Revolvers. He believed that Pearl-handled pistols would only be carried by those in a less inferior form of self employment.

a reader
Andrew J. Phillips, Jr.

30th November 1984

Dear Miss Wolfe,

The Prince and Princess of Wales have asked me to send you their warmest thanks for your kind message of good wishes which you kindly sent on the occasion of the birth of Prince Henry.

Their Royal Highnesses were most touched by your thoughtfulness in writing at this time and ask me to send you their sincerest thanks and best wishes.

Lainnia Baring
The Hon. Mrs. Vivian Barine

Dear Marjorie,

I'd like to see more political humor from you. This piece, though, did not really have the tone of very Slick Times--similar to that "Hey, this could be true!"

Ken Gammage
Slick Times

Dear Writer,

We cannot use your piece in our financial magazine. Read Christopher Georges' article in the WSJ on "How to Help Balance the Budget: Turn the White House Into a B&B." His other suggestions? Paint the Washington Monument pink until Congress balances the budget...and charter Air Force One for bachelor parties. When you've got similar creative ideas, get back to us.

Unnamed editor

Sept. 10, 1983
Vineyard Haven, Mass.

Dear Marjorie Wolfe,

I called Dick Reston of the V. Gaz. for your address because we all loved your article. Art let me stay on for a week at the Vineyard, so I've had time to read and think about what a grand summer it was. Lots of people talked about your piece on the Celebrity Search--very clever and well written.

Yours,
Anne Buchwald

Sept. 13, 1983
1750 Pennsylvania Ave. NW
Suite 1311
Washington, D.C. 20006

Dear Marjorie:

The next time yo come to the Vineyard with your husband, get off the ferry, walk up to Main Street, turn right and keep walking for five blocks till you get to the library. Look to your right and you will see a stone wall. Climb over it and knock on the door. I will be very happy to meet both of you, ot because of the wonderful article you wrote in the Gazette, but because I also am interested in computers and I would like to meet your husband.

Sincerely,

Art Buchwald

Dear Mrs. Wolfe,

What a delight to read your tribute to your father. (He sounds wonderful!) Thanks for sharing this event with me.

Sincerely,

Eda LeShan

Dear Marjorie,

Thanks for your fashion piece. A discussion of the loquacious commentator, Rush Lumbaugh's "Power Ties" has already been covered in a previous issue. Yes, I am familiar with "Brooks-Bros.-ophobia"--a Mollie Fermaglich fear that the floppy tie you're wearing makes you look more like Soupy Sales than Smith Barney. Keep in touch.
Unnamed editor

Dear Mrs. Wolfe,

Thank you for your article titled, "If You Knew Sushi Like I Know Sushi." I'm happy to inform you that it has been selected for publication. You will note that the title of the article was changed to "Product Quiz - New (And Not So New)."

Howard Bernard, Editor
Super Shopper

Nov. 3, 1997
{article about the destruction of Derech Emunoh temple in Arverne, New York]
Dear Bobe:

It s difficult for me to think of you as a bobe. It seems like only yesterday that you were a little girl. It reminds me of the song in "Fiddler on the Roof." So, if I think of you as a child, can you imagine how old I must be?...

Many people in the congregation where Ada and I belong gave me copies of your piece in "The Jewish Press." Are you trying to popularize us?....

Kindest regards from house to house.

Ada & [Rabbi] Eugene Cohen

Dear Marjorie,

Thanks for your submission. Unfortunately, our readers don't take kindly to humor. The typical response when we've tried publishing something funny is, "I'm not spending $3.95 to be entertained; I need a job."
Tony Lee, Editor
National Business Employment
Weekly

{note what happened when a new editor was hired at the NBEW]

June 6, 1998

Dear Marjorie -

Nice work with Lara's [Croft] resume!
I love how the feature came out--keep those great ideas coming.

Best -
Perri Caell
Managing Editor
National Business Employment Weekly

Oct. 7, 2003
(e-mail from my youngest son, Daniel, about a piece that I wrote on "Sex and the City"]

Hi, Mom,

This is one of the more insightful pieces I have read from you. I find it hard to believe that you watched as many episodes as you did. The analogies between the Jewish terms and SATC were great....Keep sending the articles. I do like getting them. Keep up the good work. Talk to you soon.

Love,
Dan