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I love political potpourri! There's a story about a conversation between Barry Goldwater, a half Jew, and the then-Prime Minister of the Soviet Union, Nikita Khrushchev. It is said to have occurred the day after the 1964 elections.
"Hello, Nikki?" begins Goldwater. "This is Barry. I'm calling you on my--you should pardon he expression--ham radio."
"Nu, Goldbottle, how's by you the election?" asks Khrushchev.
"Don't even ask!"
"It's true you lost by fifth million votes?"
"Don't jump to conclusions, Nikki," snaps Goldwater. "I'm demanding a recount."
F-a-s-t f-o-r-w-a-r-d to 2006. Jim Crotty wrote, "Folks either love Texans or hate 'em, but they never forget 'em." A New York Times headline read, "Guess Who Wants To Be Governor?" The answer: Kinky Friedman; he wants to be governor of Texas.
What do we know about Kinky? Let's see:
1. Kinky's real "nomen" (name) is Richard Samet Friedman. His DOB: Oct. 3l, 1944.
2. He lives with five "hunts" (dogs), three "eyzls" (donkeys), one armidillo, a "milyon" hummingbirds, and a much-used Smith Corona "shraybmashin" (typewriter) on his family's 400-acre Echo Hill Ranch, outside Medina, Texas (He once walked into one of those OfficeMax places in Kerrville, TX, searching for a cartridge that might be compatible with his typewriter.) He has never been married.
3. Kinky's "tate mame" (parents) are both deceased. The elder Friedmans were children of Polish and Russian immigrants, and owned and directed Echo Hill Ranch, a summer camp.
4. Kinky pledges to be the first Jewish governor of Texas, to reduce the speed limit to 54.95, and has already promised the job of warden of women's prisons to at least 8 different guys.
5. "Kingster" is Kinky's term of endearment for himself.
6. Kinky says he's probably the only "khevre-man" (guy) to ever run for office that is both pro-abortion and supports "tfile" (prayer) in school.
7. Kinky says he will be the only man to ever enter the governor's mansion broke and leave broke. Molly Ivins ("Nothin' but Good Times Ahead") wrote, "Our last Big Rich Governor was Bill Clements, '87 to '91, who, when he tried to learn Spanish, inspired the observation, "Good, now he'll be bi-ignorant."
8. "FOK" means "Friends Of Kinky."
9. George W. Bush calls Kinky "a Texas legend."
10. Kinky is running as an Independent and says he is not "bazorgt" (worried) about a heavily Christian state accepting a Jewish "kandidat" (candidate).
11. Kinky once ran for Justice of the Peace in Kerrville [1986], but lost "dos valn" (the election).
12. Kinky wears a large "shvarts hut" (black hat), smokes about 12 "tsigars" (cigars) a day, and expects to live "oyf eybik" (forever).
13. When Molly Ivins, journalist, once asked Kinky why he was running, he replied, "Why the hell not?" (He's also said that he's running because he needs more "shafe" (closet) space.)
14. Kinky was a Peace Corps volunteer in the jungles of Borneo.
15. Kinky helped create the Utopia Rescue Ranch, a never-kill sanctuary for stray and abused animals.
16. Don Imus has been a friend of Kinky's for almost 30 years.
17. In 1973, Kinky formed the band "Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys."
18. Kinky says, "When I meet a potential "veyler" (voter), I'm good for precisely three minutes of superficial "kheyn" (charm). If I stay for five minutes, I can almost see "dos rakhmones" (the pity) in the person's eyes.
19. In Texicon, a "Cowboy Cadillac" is an American pickup truck. Kinky drives around in his Yom Kippur Clipper--which sports a bumper sticker that reads, "My Governor Is a Jewish Cowboy." A Yom Kippur Clipper is "a Jewish Cadillac that stops on a dime and picks it up."
(And according to Art Buchwald, people are protesting the war with bumper stickers that say, "I didn't vote for you, cowboy.")
20. Kinky's "vebzaytl" (website) is kinkyfriedman.com.
21. On 4/18/06, the number of Google results for "KInky Friedman" was about 1,310,000.
22. According to Rabbi Benjamin Bleck, Jews love to gamble; it is reflected in the "cultural need of those struggling to make a living to find a way to make one big easy killing." Kinky says, "Texans are gambling. They are just going to neighboring states to do it and Texas would be "klug" (smart) to keep that money here."
23. Kinky appeared on 60 Minutes, the Jay Leno Show, and HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher.
24. Kinky's "garderob" (wardrobe) kills him. He has two outfits--his Waylon Jennings "vestl" (vest), and a preaching coat.
25. Texas Monthly ran Kinky's column for four years.
26. Kinky was a name given him by Nick (Chinga) Chavin, a country singer, in reference to his hair. It was a little Jewish Afro. Kinky refers to his hair as "a Lyle Lovett starter kit."
27. Stats incredible! 71% of eligible voters in Texas did NOT vote in the last gubernatorial election.
28. Kinky's voters and non-voters can can buy {for $29.95] a talking Kinky action figure. Oh, he's also known as the "Self Proclaimed Salsa Magnate of Texas." He's marketed salsa, Kinky Friedman's Kosher Coffee (imported from Texas), and Don Kinkyoni's Italian Spaghetti Sauce.
29. According to Kinky, "Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the "erger" (worse) you get. And I have no political experience whatsoever."
30. Henny Youngman was King of the One- Liners. But Kinky has some of them, too: "You can criticize me all you want, just don't "mal zayn" (circumcise) me anymore."
___________
Although Marjorie is not a resident of Texas, she still practices the Texas accent:
Tex-sis: Texas. AKA "Take-sis," "Tex-siz,"" Tex-suhs," "Tih-xas," or, more accurately," Teax-iss." (Thanks, Jim Crotty!)
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