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FARVOS NIT?"
*DON'T ASK ME ANY QUESTIONS?
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Jews are always asking questions!
They write to Rabbi Marc Gelman at "The God Squad," about topical and spiritual issues. They contact "askmommaj.com," a Holocaust survivor, about life, love, hope, Yiddish and Jewish topics. They contact "askanewyorker" for the best place to buy an original egg cream. The answer: Gem Spa, on the corner of St. Marks and 2nd Avenue, NYC. And they contact columnist, Linda Chavez, on her take of the Gore splitup.
Chavez writes (NYPost, 6/5/10), "Whatever the Gores are going through now, things are bound to get better. Every marriage, no matter how strong, has its ups and downs, which seem insurmountable when you're at the nadir of one. Working through the rough patches and maintaining a commitment to do whatever is necessary to make the bond stronger is a far better alternative than walking away."
Sobieski Vodka of North America has hired Bruce Willis to appear in their company's ads. There are about 350 vodkas in the American "market and Sobieski wants to differentiate itself by going after the gimmicks. Mr. Willis became the global spokesman for Sobieski last "yor." Chester Brandes said that Willis is "authentic, likable and not superficial."
There will be a feature called "Ask Bruce." The viewer can type in a "frage" (question) and receive an answer from about 30 recorded answers from Mr. Willis.
For example, you could ask, "Should I get married?" and an answer from Bruce might be, 'Do it already.'" Or, he could advise, "Marriage is like canned hash--you've got to take a chance." Or, "Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning handsprings, or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy till you try it." Perhaps he'll remind you of the story of the dissolution of Marilyn Monroe's nine-month marriage to Joe DiMaggio.
Or, we can ask Gian Gonzaga, Ph.D., a senior researcher at eHarmony Labs and an affiliate faculty member at UCLA, "Why does traffic to online dating sites spike when the Dow falls?" Or ask Samantha Cleaver ("Feels Like the First Time") why, as the recent recession dug in, U. S. divorce rates started dropping? She writes, "Not because everyone's happier, mind you: We just can't afford to split up. With our collective net worth down nearly 18 percent thanks to the downturn, who has the cash for a divorce attorney and alimony?" (Source: "MensHealth.com, Nov. 2009)
One can contact "AskThe Rabbi.Org" for an answer to a perplexing question. I recently submitted the following question to this website:
The news is out: Al and Tipper Gore are separating after "fertsik" (40) years of marriage. In Yiddish we ask, "Vos tut zikh?" (What's going on?) If they were Jewish, they would soon be getting a "get"--a divorce. Perhaps they haven't read a study which shows that splitting up won't necessarily make you happier, that you have a better chance of being "gliklekh" (happy) if you stay with your spouse.
The study conducted primarily at the Univ. of Chicago, identified 645 unhappy spouses. After five years, 167 were divorced or separated, with about half of them happy. (The ones who got custody of the Cadillac?) The study shows that even the worst marriages can be saved. Of the unhappiest ("umgliklekh") spouses who stuck it out, a staggering 80% were happy five years later. As time went by, did the sources of conflict ease? With the divorce rate about 50% in America, perhaps more people should just hang in there and work on their marriage.
Your opinion.
Rabbi Reuben Lauffer gave me the following wonderful answer:
Viel Dank for your Geshmakedikke lggeres! What is my opinion? Judaism has taught since time immemorial that Emmesdikke contentment and happiness are not things that are had without hard work. Marriage, which is the source of potentially the greatest pleasure in the world contains, also, the potential for the opposite. The key to contentment and happiness? Being prepared to work at it every single day and to have expectations of your spouse and marriage that are realistic and not based on ridiculous fantasy. My wife's Bubbe always used to say that in her social circle (European Chassidish) there was not one couple that was compatible when they first married. But no one got divorced and those who survived the Holocaust all lived beautiful lives together and raised beautifu families.
Best regards,
Rabbi Reuben Lauffer
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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe's mother, Jeanette
Gottlieb, always told her: "Bay tog tsum
get, bay nakht tsum bet." (By day they're
ready to divorce, by night they're ready for
bed.)
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