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Judy Gold is starring in a new one-woman
show titled, "My Life As a Sitcom." It opened on June 30 and runs until Sept. 10,
2011. She views her "kindhayt" (childhood)
through the lens of 1970s sitcoms such as
"The Brady Bunch" and "The Partridge Family." She'd love to have her own sitcom,
allowing her family--which includes her
mother, who loves to complain; her ex-partner; her current girlfriend; and two
sons--to be reflected in the great American
form she so enjoyed as a child.
Shown below is a Yiddish guide to Judy Gold:
answering "machin" (machine)
Judy Gold shares with her audience an actual recording of a message her mother
left on her answering machine. Ms. Gold
had hung up on her accidentally one day
and failed to call her right back. "Judith,
are you all right?" Mrs. Gold says in a deep,
Yiddish-inflected voice that her daughter
mimics perfectly. "Did you fall down? What
happened? Where are you? I'm a wreck."
Judy Gold then remarks, "She thinks Jeffrey Dahmer is chopping my body up into a million pieces."
"bukh" (book)
Gold, recounting her childhood, says her
mother read to her at bedtime from "The
pop-up version of The Diary of Anne Frank,
before going into a fantasia about how her
own family would have fared hiding from
the Nazis in an attic for 2 1/2 years.
"eynikl" (grandchild)
Ruth Gold has 2 grandchildren, Henry and
Ben. Judy says that Henry is her mother's
favorite. Ruth says, "I don't have favorites."
Judy whispered, "I will tell you, he has more
money in his Hanukkah envelope." "First of
all, he's the oldest," Mrs. Gold went on to
say.
"farglaykh" (comparison)
Judy said, "It's so incredible to see what a
man can say [on stage] in comparison to
what a woman can say."
"freg mir nit keyn kashes" (Don't ask me
any questions)
"Then, of course, there's the 'Don't Ask,
Don't Tell' policy...that the Clinton
administration takes credit for coming up
with it - Ruth Gold. That's right - my mother, Ruth Gold. She's been using that
policy for decades with her relatives and
friends. Don't ask about Judith's personal
life and I won't tell you about Judith's
personal life."
(quote by Gold)
"forurtl" (prejudice)
"Prejudice is such a learned behavior. It's
amazing the things you can teach your
kids."
(quote by Gold)
"fridzhider" (refrigerator)
"We never talked to each other in my family. We communicated by putting Ann
Landers articles on the refrigerator."
(quote by Gold)
"idee" (idea) for Bill Clinton "So here is what I propose, Bill. I want to get married to my girlfriend - after DOMA is obliterated, that is, I mean, it's only fair that I would want the federal government - to which I pay a portion of my earnings - to protect my relationship and my family like it does those between one man and one woman. And here's the topper, Bil. I want YOU to marry us. Yup - you Bill. Will you preside? And though devotion rules my heart, I take no vows. Oh, come on Bill! Come on and marry me, Bill. Please marry me Bill - I got the wedding bell blues!!!" (quote by Gold)
"khasene" (marriage)
"Britney Spears can get married for 55
hours and I can't. Pedophiles can get married and I can't? HELLO?!!!!!"
(quote by Gold)
"kinderlech" (affectionate term for children)
Judy and her partner have two sons. Her
partner gave birth to their first son, Henry,
and Judy gave birth to their son, Ben.
"kol" (voice)
Judy's voice rises several decibels every time she imitates her mother.
"komish" (funny)
Judy says, "I am a Jew and I'm entitled to
discuss antisemitism, my Jewish mother. Even if it offends someone, I believe that
certain comics are entitled to discuss certain topics. And it's called a sense of
humor. It's a sense, like smell. Like some
people like pizza, some people don't. I feel
like I have to trust my instincts. And I know
when I've gone too far. But it really is the way I think, like a rabbi thinks, "How can I
teach a lesson?" A comic thinks, "How can
I make this funny?" And sometimes it's the
worst tragedy in the world. I mean, there are gray areas. You are putting things out
there that people don't want to talk about
sometimes. But I do believe that "the joke"
can open people's eyes and minds up. And
when you don't talk about things that is the
most destructive thing in the world."
(quote by Gold)
"kritikirn" (to criticize)
Gold has gotten criticized for promoting
the stereotype of the Jewish mother. She
once joked that her family would not have
survived in the Anne Frank House
because her mother was so loud.
"mishpokhe" (family)
Judy has one sister, Jane, and a brother,
Alan. She refers to Alan as "Jesus" or "The
Messiah," because of her mother's apparent
favoritism toward him.
"mitn" (middle)--of the day
Judy's mother, Ruth, asks to be called at
1 o'clock. She said, "My aide goes home from 1 to 4." She was asked why the aide
goes home in the middle of the day. "Because I can't stand her," Mrs. Gold
replied.
"mitzvah" (commandment/good deed)
Time Out magazine called Gold's show,
"25 Questions for a Jewish Mother" a
"genuine mitzvah."
"oytomobile" (automobile)
"If you're going to hit a car, try to be sure
that it's not a cop car."
(quote by Gold)
"perfekt" (perfect)
According to Judy Gold, Mike Brady was the
perfect dad.
"ponim" (face)
Gold says that "Jewish people can look at
people's faces and tell if they're Jewish. It's
a phenomenon that we can't explain."
"shpilmener" (tale tellers)
In the case of Gold's schtick, the comic's
tales ran afoul of the PC Police, when
someone from one anti-defamation league
or another cornered Gold to upbraid her about the use of stereotypes in her act.
Gold's response: "Jewish mothers are doing fine on their own" when it comes to
perpetuating stereotypes.
"tata-mame" (parents)
Judy's parents are Harold and Ruth Gold.
Her father was a tax attorney. He once
directly asked her about her sexuality, and
she couldn't bring herself to discuss it with
him. He died before she had the chance to
tell him the truth about herself. Judy makes fun of her mother, who always stole
"shampu" (shampoo) from hotels.
"traditsye" (tradition)
"I used to not care about getting married,
or having kids for that matter. Now that I am a parent - a gay parent - I am extremely
involved in the fight for marraige equality.
How can anyone say that my family is not
entitled to the same rights as a 'traditional'
family? I have news for you. My family is
bound in tradition. We have a kosher
kitchen (I cheat outside the home, but don't
tell my kids), we have Shabbat dinners on
Friday nights, Henry is become a Bar Mitzvah in September, Ben and Henry both
attend Hebrew school - and that's just the
religious stuff. We have basketball games,
baseball games, parent-teacher conferences--everything that the 'traditional' family has, except one thing - equal rights."
"tsvey" (2) awards
Gold won two Emmy awards for writing and producing the Rosie O'Donnell Show.
"universitet" (university/college)
Judy graduated from Rutgers University in
1984,
"vants" (bedbugs)
Judy is scared of bedbugs.
"voynort" (residence)
Judy lives on the Upper West Side of
Manhattan.
"yente" (slang for gossip)
Gold writes about living in Clark, New Jersey: "Clark was a typical N. J. suburb
(think "Sopranos") with lots of white people
who had nothing to do all day but shlepp
the kids around and gossip."
"yesurim" (agony)
When an usher walked Judy's mther to her
theatre seat to see her in The Vagina
Monologues, she said, "If you only knew the
agony."
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