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JOAN RIVERS:
MATZO, AGING, SPRING CLEANING...
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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Joan Rivers (born Joan Alexandria Melinsky) is an award-winning American "komike" (comedian), television personality and "aktrise" (actress). Shown below is a Yiddish guide to Ms. Rivers:
"akyter" (actor)
From earliest childhood, Rivers wanted to be an "aktyor" (actor). Her mother wanted
her daughter to prepare herself for marriage and entry into polite society. The
tension between these aspirations deeply
influenced the young woman's life and craft.
"alt" (old)
Joan Rivers says she's not so old as her last
date. He took her to meet his parents "in
the 'beys-oylem' (cemetery)."
"bale-boste" (excellent housewife)
We don't know what kind of a housewife
Joan Rivers is, but she did say, "I hate
housework. You make the beds, you wash
the dishes and six months later you have to
start all over again."
"bal-tsodoke" (philanthropist)
Joan Rivers is a former Hadassah "Woman
of the Year." She has been supportive of
Jewish philanthropic and social causes.
"bildung" (education)
Joan Rivers is a graduate of Barnard College (1954), where she earned a degree
in English Literature and was awarded
membership in Phi Beta Kappa.
"bukhs" (books)
Ms. Rivers wrote the following books:
"Enter Laughing" (1986)
"Having a Baby Can Be a Scream" (1975)
"Jewelry by Joan Rivers" (2000)
"The Life and Times of Heidi Abramowitz"
(1984)
"From Mother to Daughter: Thoughts and
Advice on Love, Life and Marriage" (1998)
"Still Talking" (1991)
B'way play
Rivers wrote and starred in the B'way play,
"Sally Marr and Her Escorts."
"dolar" (dollar)
Rivers had a conflict between she and her
mother. She wrote, "My mother wanted
M.D. to stand for Make Dollars"
"elnt" (lonely/lonesome)
"Sure I get lonely. When you've played a
3000-seat gig and you go back to your hotel room by yourself, that's no fun."
"eynikl" (grandchild)
Joan Rivers has one grandson, Cooper.
"eyns (one); "froy" (woman)
Rivers did a one-woman show in 2001,
titled, "Broke and Alone."
"eytse" (advice)
"Everyone should do Botox," said Rivers.
"faynt hobn" (to hate)
"My parents hated me. My bath toys were
a toaster and a radio."
Florida
Rivers has much to say about the "Sunshine
State":
"Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about 'More than just a great place to die.'"
"Back from Florida. Palm Beach society is made up of so many bland white people the entire 2011 social season is sponsored by Wonder Bread."
"Flying to Florida. When the TSA asks, 'Did you pack your own bags?' I laugh and say, 'Yes, while my housekeeper watched 'All My Children.'"
"humor" (humor)
"Humor has saved my life. I was this fat,
plain child but I could always make myself
and other people laugh. It's hereditary.
It's in the DNA."
"hundert" (100)
Rivers appeared on Johnny Carson's late
night talk show ("The Tonight Show") nearly 100 times. She was the only "permanent guest host" on The Tonight Show between 1983 and 1986.
"hunt" (dog)
Joan Rivers has two dogs: Samantha (Sam)
and Max.
"imigrant" (immigrant)
Joan Rivers' parents were Russian Jewish
immigrants from the Odessa area. Despite
the geographical proximity of their origins,
her parents came from vastly different
socioeconomic circumstances. Meyer
Molinsky's family had been poverty-stricken
in Russia and they remained poor in their
early years in America. Molinsky's entry into the medical profession propelled the
family into the emergent Jewish middle
class of Brooklyn. That loss of status forever haunted Beatrice Molinsky, and she
continually pushed her husband to earn more money.
"khasene" (wedding)
"Excited for the royal wedding! Prince
William won't wear a wedding band and
Kate doesn't care. The ring that matters is the one on his head."
Joan Rivers' first marriage was short lived. She wrote, "Our marriage license turned out to be a learner's permit."
"kishn" (pillow)
On Joan Rivers' sofa lies a needlepoint
pillow reading, "I need a man to spoil me
or I don't need a man at all."
"kitslen" (to tickle)
"My father--a doctor--used to say that when you laugh, all your internal organs
tickle each other. Have fun with your life,
that's what I say."
"koyfn" (to buy)
Joan Rivers has decided to spend, spend,
spend. "Why not? I'm in my old age and
I've stopped saving. You wake up and
you're gone. Buy that handbag, buy those
shoes, buy that painting."
"kritikirn" (to criticize)
Rivers takes criticism of her acting extremely personally. "Acting is my true
love. I would like to have been a serious
actor and i plan to in the next life. I'm
going to be Meryl Streep Rivers."
matzo
"Can I just say--every time I see matzo it
reminds me of my chest. Flat and brown
spots."
"moyekh" (brain)
"I think that Charlie Sheen's brain is a lot
like the U. S. government today. It's also
on the verge of shutting down."
"operatsye" (operation/medical)
Rivers has had 3 facelifts, a neck lift, and
several tummytucks. She said, "Melissa
keeps begging: 'No more plastic surgery!'
I say, 'Fine. I'll stop having work done the
day Charlie Sheen's tour sells out."
"polke" (thigh)
"Someone once told me to stop worrying
about my thighs on the beach because
everyone else is worried about their thighs,
so why bother. No one every told me I was
ugly. I still don't know why I felt that way
but a few weeks ago I was watching a video
from many years ago when I was on the
Mike Douglas show and I remember feeling
gigantic and very fat next to some thin
woman in a pants suit. That feeling never
goes away."
"ponem" (face)
Some people have said of Joan Rivers:
"The Face that Launched a Thousand Snips."
"raykh" (rich)
In the show, "How'd You Get So Rich?"
Rivers visits the fancy homes of wealthy
celebrities.
"redn" (to talk)
Joan Rivers is known for two expressions:
"Can we talk?" and "Who are you wearing
famous?"
"reynikn" (to clean)
Re: Spring Cleaning, Tip #172
"Want an easy way to freshen up your
place? Move out!"
"shtele" (job)
Joan Rivers once had a job designing
window displays for Lord and Taylor and
Saks.
"tantsn" (to dance)
Re: Dancing With the Stars
"Tonight is the premiere of Dancing With
the Stars, so I called the entire cast and
said, 'Break a Leg!'"
"Japan has had so many aftershocks that, as a precaution, they won't air the Dancing With the Stars episode where Kirstie Alley falls down."
"tokhter" (daughter)
Joan has one daughter, Melissa, born in
1968.
"tseyln" (to count)
There are about 12 professional impersonators of Joan Rivers in Florida alone.
Dee Dee Hanson is the country's foremost
Joan Rivers impersonator and look-alike...
but who's counting!
"tsirung" (jewelry)
Joan Rivers sells her jewelry on QVC.
"tsuriktsien zikh" (to retire/stop working)
"I love what I do that's why I don't consider
it work. Everybody says, 'When are you
going to retire?' I say to do what? Tell
jokes to the mailman?"
"umgliklekh" (unhappiness)
"My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are group
therapy."
"yingst tukhter" (youngest daughter)
Joan Rivers was born in Brooklyn, New York
on June 8, 1933. She was the youngest
daughter of Beatrice (Grushman) and
Meyer Molinsky, a physician.
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"zelbstmord" (suicide)
Joan's second husband, Edgar Rosenberg,
committed suicide. They were married for 22 years. He suffered from depression
after undergoing open=heart surgery.
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