ARE YOU ABOUT TO
"GRADUIRT FUN KOLEDZH"?*
HERE'S SOME ADVICE
*The Yiddish words meaning to graduate
from college are "graduirt fun koledzh"
by
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
As I think back to my graduation from
high school ("mitlshul") and college
("koledzh"), I can't even remember who
spoke, or what, if any, relevant advice was
given.
Shown below are portions of commencement speeches made by prominent individuals. Enjoy them!
[on jobs] "Show up on time, because to be
late is to show disrespect." "Get a dog,
because cats are lame. And every once in
a while do something positive in the
world." [on relationships] "Romantic
rejection is good for you. Youth are
worse off because they can be dumped via
e-mail, Facebook, and text message."
Steve Carell ("The Office"), 2012
If you pay off your student loan, you allow
another person to pick up the loan and
get an education! You stop politicians
from saying, 'We ought not have a loan
because they don't pay it back.'"
Bill Cosby, 1998
In 1998 we are looking directly at not only
the millennium, but an information
revolution. But when most people wake
up in the morning they don't generally
sit with a cup of coffee and think, 'How am
I going to deal with this upcoming
millennium?' Or, 'Oh, my God, there's an
information revolution, I better stock up
on frozen veggies. Mostly we think about
'How will I get through this day?' Or, 'Can
I control where my life's going?'"
Wendy Wasserstein, Playwright
"Don't confuse having a career with
having a life. They are not the same."
First Lady, Hillary Clinton
"One hundred and four million dollars!
Allow me to try to put this staggering
amount in perspective. I now have
enough money to send all three of my
children to Penn!"
Tom Ruprecht, "What They Meant to
Say," New York Times, 5/23/98.
In his opinion, Frank Capaci, Powerball
winner, should have said this in his
commencement speech at
Northwestern University.
"There are some really terrible times
ahead. Everyone has them. But life, all in
all, can be spectacularly good. If this were
not so, none of us my age and older
would be so desperately trying to fend off
our impending demise."
Andy Rooney
"I would like to thank...my lovely wife,
Maria Shriver, the best woman in the
world. If I wouldn't have mentioned her,
no sex for a week."
Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Members of the class of '97, you are not
the only graduates here today....The
parents, too, were graduating...So I ask
you to indulge your folks if we seem a
little sad or we act a little weird." "...A
part of us longs to hold you once more as
we did when you could barely walk, to
read to you just one more time, 'Good
Night Moon.'"
Bill Clinton, 1997
"Today graduation is a commencement
ceremony in which the speaker says, 'This
world is yours!' and the young graduate
can't decide whether that's an oppor-
tunity or a threat.'"
Walter Matthau, actor
"Members of the Class of 1984, as I stand
here and gaze upon your eager faces,
I cannot help but ask myself this question:
How sanitary, really, are these rental
graduation outfits we're all wearing?"
Dave Barry (The Miami Herald)
"Find a smart boss. You are judged by
where you apprenticed. And smart
bosses take smart employees up the
ladder with them."
Wes Smith (Former staff writer,
Atlantic Weekly)
"Commencement means 'beginning.' We
can never return to our high school years;
instead, we must move forward. All
beginnings have both sorrow and joy in
them, both apprehension and excitement.
On this, of all days, we should emphasize
the joy and excitement, because life after
often proves to have little of both. But
today we are here to celebrate our
accomplishments."
Amy Beth Kressel
(now Dr. Amy Beth Kressel)
"You will never know what life is like until
you're out there and you have to come up
with the rent for your own place."
Bill Cosby
"I wish that I could give you some advice
which could protect you from the com-
bination of terror and joy which must
assail you at this particular point in your
lives. You go out. You get knocked down.
You get up. And you go on."
Katherine Hepburn
-----------------------------------------
___________________________________________ Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of
two books:
"Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and
"Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction? Yiddish
Trivia." To order a copy, go to her
website: MarjorieGottliebWolfe.com
As I think back to my graduation from
high school ("mitlshul") and college
("koledzh"), I can't even remember who
spoke, or what, if any, relevant advice was
given.
