Remember Adelaide's lament in Guys and Dolls: "A per-son could develop a cold"? Michael Wex ("Born To Kvetch") says that " farkrenkn" is "one of the greatest words in the entire [Yiddish] language." It means " weak" or "feeble" and can be used to describe someone just out of the hospital.
Shown below is a not-so-serious health quiz. Grab a #2 pencil and let's see how well you do.
1. If you type "Jewish
Chicken Soup" into
Google's search box, how many entries
will pop up (as of Nov. 2, 2005)?
2. Who wrote, "My
cold has come. I drink
hot drinks. I swallow tabloids, I embrace
hot water bottles, not because I am fool
enough to think I shall cure it. Rather
because knowing that it will stay as long
as it likes, I realize that old customs are
old customs, and must be honoured; not
in the breach, but in the observance. My
cold expects it. It knows as well as I do
that I shall be feeling no better in the
morning. But by Easter--.Who nose"?
A) R. S. Hooper
B) Bill Cosby
C) Erma Bombeck
3. Which comedian
said on stage, "My
mother cured everything with chicken
soup. We always prayed she was right;
her second choice was an enema"?
A) Joey Adams
B) Don Rickles
C) Alan King
4. Which company
advertised (in 1992) that
it would send any customer who mailed
in the label from any cold medicine, a
recipe for chicken soup and a coupon
worth 75 cents toward the purchase of
one of their chickens?
A) Empire Kosher Poultry
B) Manischewitz Food Products Corp.
C) Campbell Soup Co.
to Gay Talese, "________
name) with a cold is Picasso without
paint, Ferrari without fuel - only worse.
For the common cold robs _________ of
that insurable jewel, his voice, cutting
into the core of his confidence, and it
affects not only his own psyche but also
seems to cause a kind of psychosomatic
nasal drip within dozens of people who
work for him, drink with him, depend on
him for their own welfare and stability."
A) Barry Manilow
B) Frank Sinatra
C) Billy Joel
D) Mandy Patinkin
6. If George (Jason Alexander), one of the
stars of Seinfeld, got a cold, what advice
do you think his TV mom would give
A) "Ikh vil zen a spetzyalist."
B) "Careful with the liquid medicine; we just painted."
C) "Now if you had a Civil Service job, you would be entitled to a minimum
of ten paid sick days a year."
D) "Drink tea and put bananas in the Jell-O."
E) "If chicken soup can't cure you, nothing will."
F) All of the above
7. How does
Paul Giordano define "fluent"?
A) Capable of discussing chimneys and cold viruses.
B) "Ver vaist"? (Who knows?)
C) Ask the test maven, Stanley Kaplan
8. Who wrote, "Jewish
chicken soup; southern belles dispense
chicken salad. It is, of course, served
with congealed Jell-O salad with a dab
of mayonnaise on the top"?
A) Marilyn Schwartz
B) Nobel prize-winning chemist, Linus Pauling
C) Myrna Chanin ("Jewish Penicillin: Mother's Wonderful Chicken Soup")
9. Which of the following
groups suffer the most colds in a year?
A) Under "finf" (5) year-olds
B) 5-17 year-olds
C) 18-24 year-olds
D) a "Yungermantshik" (male newlywed)
E) PLIANCE - Persons Living in a Noncommitted Environment
10. Joel Siegel ("Lessons for Dylan") tells the Yiddish theater joke about the actor who falls down, dead, in the third act of King Lear.
"Oh, my God, he's dead!" one of the actors shouts. From the balcony comes a cry, "Gib him a conneh!" "But he's dead!" the actor shouts back. "It couldn't hurt!"
What is a "conneh"?
A) green tea
B) "bonkes" (glass cups)
C) an enema
Legion magazine (Oct. 1993) reported that two college professors
in Florida have developed a compound
that gets rid of yeast infections,
athlete's foot and diaper rash. all in
just "eyns doze" (one dose). What are
A) "Boy, if you got all of those, you need to stop whatever it is you're doing with your gym socks."
B) "Ruf a doktor." (Call a doctor.)
C) "Always whisper the names of diseases."
12. If a child
has "shilshl" (diarrhea),
diet will alleviate "di problem"?
A) Homer Simpson Diet
B) BRAT Diet
C) BITE Diet (Bread Is The Enemy)
13. Which of
the following cold/allergy/flu products can be found at your local "apteyk" (pharmacy)?
A) Michael Jackson Signature Allergy Capsules (Wake up with a new nose)
B) Phlegmish (plugs up nasal moisture the old Dutch way)
C) Nasal Base (when you're not feeling ship-shape)
D) Nuke-yer-Muke (the atomic inhalant that fixes your allergy--and cold-- for good).
E) "Gornit" (none) of the above
14. Which food
critic finds that chicken soup's comforting benefits cross all
ethnic lines. She finds that the proper
cooking temperature, is a "smile" and
her favorite way of eating chicken soup
is with the chicken in it, or what she
dubs "nouvelle haimish"?
A) Mimi Sheraton
B) Julia Child
C) Marian Burros
15. Wendy Wasserstein,
playwright, swears by the curative value of
A) "Gilderne," a special chicken broth served in Jewish homes to celebrate the 25th (or 50th) anniversay of married couples
B) Watching movies made before 1950, particularly those with medical themes (Ex. Cobweb, where Richard Widmark was in charge of a clinic)
12. B The BRAT diet = Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, and Toast
Many years ago Marjorie suffered from" Carsonogenous Monocular Nyctalopia"-- a case of left-sided night blindness caused by watching Johnny Carson and other TV lateniks from bed, with the right side of the fact buried in the pillow." (Thanks to Anu Garg for including this term in his new book, "Another Word A Day").
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