FNGRS LUV 2 TXT MSG GRANDMA

by
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe

Syosset, New York

"Der tselularer telefon" (the cell phone) and text messaging have been making the headlines recently.

Sharon Duke Estroff has written a WONDERFUL book titled, "Can I Have a Cell Phone for Hanukkah?"  She writes, "If you want to socialize in style, there's only one way to go--IM, or instant messaging... All kids who instant mesage know the IM language.  They learn it through osmosis. None of their parents know the IM language.  They are still trying to perfect their pig Latin...Worse yet, modern kids-- being the bright, resourceful beings they are--have created an entire branch of IM language devoted to pulling the wool over clueless parents' eyes, such as POS (parent over shoulder), P911 (parent emergency), PAW (parents are watching) and PIR (parents in room)."

Here's a recent conversation between a Long Island "Bobbeh" (grandmother) and an "ainikel" (grandchild):

"Hello?"

"Hi, Bobbeh, it's Amanda."

"Hi.  How are you?  I was just thinking about you"

"Oh, really? Cool.  I'm great.  You?"

"Oh, I'm just fine.  Is that the Jonas Brothers I hear in the background?"

"Yes."

"Did you see Sarah Palin's hair style?  Robin Givhan, Washington Post, said 'The hair, which has been highlighted, teased and scrunched, is a standard-issue, mommy-is- in-a-rush style.'"

"Bad hair day?"

"Listen, dahling, I was thinking it would be fun to go see a B'way show.  We haven't gone out alone since I took you to the American Girl store.  Wanna come?"

"Sure, what'd you have in mind?"

"The B'way musical '13' at Bernard B. Jacobs Theatre."

"What's it about?"

"Graham Phillips, as Evan, is wrenched from happy New York sophistication by divorcing parents and sentenced to have his bar mitzvah in Indiana with his mom.  There are 13 kid performers and a five-piece "kapelye" (band).  In Evan's school there are no guns, no depressed ("dershlogn") kids, no drugs, no racism, and no serious anti- Semitism."

"Oh, I'd love to see that.  When?"

"Don't know.  Hang on, I'll check the TDF offerings. 
(returns) OK.  $76.50 each.  How about Saturday, Nov. 8, 2 p.m.?"

"Sounds like fun!  See you there!"

"No jeans, dahling."           (205 words)

Now, let's look at the same conversation in text-messages:

"Show, Bobbeh?  TUVM."  (Thank you very much.)

"K.  Which?"

"13.  Jacobs."

"Sure.  "

"Nov. 8, 2 p.m."

"Sarah, OMG!" (Oh my God!)

"Re:  Jeans:  Calvin wore 'em; Tommy wore 'em; Ralph wore 'em.  Amanda wears 'em."

"g2g.  hw.  TTFN.  (Gotta go.  Homework. (Ta-ta for now.)      (35 words)

So, what's the problem?

• Bruce Eric Kaplan (BEK) drew a cartoon in The New Yorker (Sept. 22, 08) showing a mother speaking on the telephone to--I presume--one of her children.  The caption: "You never write, you never call, you never fax, you never e-mail, you never text, you never page."
  
  
• Temple B'rith Kodesh in Rochester, New York, included the following information in its High Holy Day brochure:

Electronic Devices
Congregants are requested to turn off the audio signals of all electronic devices (cell phones, pagers, etc.)

• Obama Barack advisor, Valeria Jarrett, twisted her ankle when she stepped off a curb while engrossed in a text-message conversation on her handheld communica- tion device.  "I wasn't paying attention and I should have," she said..
  
  
• The American College of Emergency Physicians warned the public to refrain from texting and walking.  And bicycling. And Roller-blading.  And driving, for crying out loud.  There's been an increase in injuries sustained by people who attempt to send text messages while engaged in other activities that demand one's full attention.
  
  
• Text-messaging is simply the latest in a long line of should-have-known betters, such as talking on cell phones, reading, applying makeup or nodding off while driving.
  
  
• The engineer of a commuter train that collided last month with a freight train, killing 25 people and injuring more than 130, was sending text messages on his cellphone seconds before the crash.  The engineer Robert M. Sanchez, who was killed in the crash, sent text messages throughout his shift.  On the first part of his shift, he received 21 text messages and sent 24.  On the second part of his shift, he sent five messages and received seven.  The prospect of an engineer distracted by his cellphone alarmed regulators.
  
  
• A New York Times article showed Jews standing outside of a synagogue during Rosh Hashanah talking on their "tselular" telephones.
  
  
• Morgan Winters, UTNE Blog, wrote, "As religious groups embrace technology, major changes are occurring in the way the devout worship.  In the future, people may begin to turn their phones on, rather than off, when entering places of worship.  And when theologians struggle with technological problems, the question becomes, 'Can God get cell reception in the basement?'
  
  
• GPS phones in Korea help golfers to aim their tee-shots like Tiger Woods  KTF (Korea Telecom Freetel) users can measure the distance from the tee box to their current psitions or from their current positions to the cup.  The system has a 5-meter accuracy range in most cases.  It also shows the location of fairways, greens, sand bunkers, and water hazards.

And, finally,

• According to Stephanie Dunnewind, a Seattle Times staff reporter, "Teens are famously sleep-deprived already, but experts say some are compounding the problem by staying up in the middle of the night to silently type messages to friends on their cellphones. 

"Most kids go to sleep with their phone plugged in right by their heads," said Dr. Cora Collette Breuner, a professor of adolescent medicine at the Univ. of Washington.  Every ping of an incoming message is a temptation to pick up the phone.  "They know talking on the phone might wake up their parents, but if they text, it probably won't" says Breuner.

_______
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe says TTFN (Tata for now);  GOS (Grandchildren over shoulder). 

"Luv, Amanda.

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___________________________________________
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of
two books:

"Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and
"Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction?  Yiddish
Trivia."  To order a copy, go to her
website: MarjorieGottliebWolfe.com

NU, what are you waiting for?  Order the book!