by
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe

Syosset, New York

Perhaps you've heard this conversation:

Scene: A conversation between two close "khaverim" (friends)

Friend #1: Are you visiting us "morgn" (tomorrow)?

Friend #2: I'm all set. I have "der adres"
(the address), a full tank of "gasolin," a GPS, and a GPS override.

Friend #1: "Vos iz" is a GPS override?

Friend #2: My wife.

In a recent "Brewster Rockit: Space Guy!" cartoon by Tim Rickard, Cliff has a personal GPS--Global Positioning System. His navigation system not only gives directions; it gives personal advice: "Warning ! Boring lecture ahead. Take Evasive Action, and "Watch yourself, Toots. I know where you live."

The "Space Guy" is the hysterial space adventure strip syndicated by Tribune Media Services. Rickard is a member of Mensa, which means his remarkably large "moyekh" (brain) houses all sorts of inane "visnshaft" (science) facts. Rocket is an unlikely captain. He's woefully ill-prepared to lead...and that's part of the charm.

The Japanese now have a robot--a cute, cuddly talking teddy bear, that sits on your dashboard and gives you directions. No, I'm not kidding. This is not a "bobe mayse" (old-wive's tale).

The teddy bear has six joints in his arms and neck, which he uses to motion while giving directions. For example: "If you'd like to get more information about local landmarks, the bear will provide that as well. All you need to do is rub its "kop" (head)...and you get tidbits of local culture. Besides being able to navigate the driver through Japanese traffic, the bear is able to comment on his or her driving style. Sudden stops, for example, will result in comments such as "Be careful, please!" (Note: Marjorie Wolfe was told by her father, "Drive with care; life has no spare.")

The teddy bear also has an alcohol detection sensor in its neck and will admonish you if it smells that last margarita with, "You haven't been drinking, have you?"

Back in the United States, Paul Reiser ("Familyhood") says that he has a GPS lady. (He doesn't subscribe to the cliche that "guys never ask directions.") He has no problem asking for directions. He just doesn't necessarily listen to them! He writes, "Or I'll listen to start with and then, just wing it. GPS lady doesn't like that."

If the GPS lady says, "In three hundred feet, turn right," Reiser may elect to make some judgment calls of his own. He writes, "I'm entitled, I figure. It's MY car, it's MY day. Plus--bear in mind--she's not real."

Reiser says that sometimes the GPS lady snips at him: "Do what you wanna do." He replies, "Now, wait a minute--don't go away mad..."

They argue, and Reiser tries to finish this conversation with a touch of civility. He says, "I certainly couldn't have gotten here without all your great directions." As Reiser gets out of the car and walks away, he makes a mental note for next time to "figure out how to set the thing to the French guy." (Note: In real life, Reiser is married to a psychologist.) That should helps with his "meshugaas."

And, finally, comedy writer, Rob Hopcott, loves to joke about the GPS: "In 100 yd. turn right. Oops! Sorry! Brick wall!"
------------------------------------------
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe does NOT have a GPS, as yet. If she did, the GPS lady would probably say, "If you love your five grandchildren, stop for "ayzkrem" (ice cream) at the next corner."

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___________________________________________
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of
two books:

"Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and
"Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction?  Yiddish
Trivia."  To order a copy, go to her
website: MarjorieGottliebWolfe.com

NU, what are you waiting for?  Order the book!

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