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THE EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
Empty Nest Syndrome refers to feelings of "more-shkhoyre" (depression), "umet" (sadness) and/or "tsaar" (grief) experienced by parents and caregivers after the "kinder' (children) come of age and leave their " kinhayt" (childhood) home. They may occur when children go off to "di universitet" (college) or get married. Women are more likely than men to be affected. The reason: often, when the nest is emptying, mothers are going through other significant life events as well, such as menopause or caring for elderly parents.
More mothers work these days and therefore feel less emptiness when their children leave home. Theres another fact: an increasing number of adult children between 25 and 34 are now living at home. They're known as 'boom erang kids." Children may also return home due to " shporevdik" (economical) problems, extended education, drug or alcohol problems, temporary transitions, or divorce. And which scholar said, "Zorgt nit iber ayere farheyrate kinder; zey kenen akhtung gebn oyf zikh"? (Don't fret over married children; they will take care of themselves.)
What are the symptoms? Feelings of sadness are normal at this time and it is normal to spend time in the absent child's " shloftsimer" (bedroom) to feel closer to him or her.
According to Craig Harris, journalist, author, and pastor of Montalba Christian Church in East Texas, "We must push our children out of the nest so that they can become what they were created to be. Yes, we are there to catch them if they fall, but then we try again. We do this when we grow them out of diapers, take them to kindergarten that first day, or take them to an overnight trip to grandma's. We push them out of our beds; we push them to excel in school. They leave the nest to go junior high, then college.
One day, when we gently shove them out of the nest they will not return - except for welcomed visits. But we can smile and know that we nurtured them while we had them and we prepared them to spend their life in flight and not languishing in the comfort and safety of the nest."
Yes, the term "empty nest" means more than just "wishful thinking"! Action is needed!
Andy Borowitz wrote a tongue-in-cheek piece about the marriage of Prince Charles to Camilla Parker Bowles.
April 5, 2005 With the marriage of her son Prince Charles to Camilla Parker Bowles just days away, Queen Elizaeth II is battling a 'mean case' of empty nest syndrome, sources say, and has taken to meddling in the lives of random British subjects to fill the void.
"The final countd own to Charles' wedding has been hard on the old girl, I dare say," said one close associate of the Queen, who identified himself only by his first name, Philip. "She has been pacing the halls of Buckingham Palace, moaning that her little one is moving out," he continued. "I wish the old bat would pull herself together."
Many years ago, the writer saw the B'way show, "Alone Together" and Playbill Magazine accepted a piece for its column, " A View From The Audience." The column is shown below:
A VIEW FROM THE AUDIENCE
A Broadway show inspires a Long Island mom to write about how she solved her " not-so-empty nest" problem.
by Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
We arrived home from the theatre having seen "Alone Together," starring Janis Paige and Kevin McCarthy. As the mother of three sons--similar in age to Elliot, Keith, and Michael Butler--I could empat hize with George and Helene Butler: one by one the chicks have flown off to begin college, careers, set up apartments in lofts, or do whatever else chicks do in the mid '80s. They're gone! They're gone!
No more "Boom Boxes," knapsacks, tents, preppy jokes, transcendental meditation, " and remarks like "Oh, Mom, that's so corroded!"
I was beginning to feel like a Hollywood star, sitting pretty and self-assured on her puffy white sofa amid Indian rugs, healthy plants, books and the latest issue of Architectural Digest. Dad was pouring me some Baileys Irish Cream...and the telephone rang.
"Collect call from Jon Wolfe. Will you accept it?" the operator asked?
"Yes," I answered.
Jon is our 25-year-old "Bungineer" (Business Engineer), who is living in a high-priced broom closet in New York City. I was quick to learn that he was experiencing an unanticipated adverse cash -flow problem. The swelling costs of his rock-bottom necessities brought about the "heat or eat" phenomenon; he had to rob his own pantry to pay the power company.
"What happened, son?" I asked.
"Oh, haven't you heard John Naisbett speak? Employers are leasing rather than hiring employees. I told you that I should have majored in Sabermetrics [the mathematical and statistical study of baseball] or Oneology [the study of wine]. Matt, a graduate of the Culinary Institute of America (CIA) is making megabucks.
Mom, remember when you said that 'Home is a place you don't need a reservation?" Well, it looks like I'll be moving back home--temporarily, of course. I'm at the Hicksville railroad station."
I felt myself growing despondent. The temptation was to simpy "take off" as Helene Butler did in the second act of Alone Together. Instead, I sent dad to the railroad statio n and dialed my radio friend, Bernard Meltzer (WOR's, "What's Your Problem?"). His advice had always been homespun and sympathetic--and perhaps he could be of some assistance.
I carefully explained to Dr. Meltzer that... (1) Dad and I were celebrating our 'plentieth' anniversary and needed peace and quiet. (2) We had just redecorated Jon's room, replacing his "borax" (jerry-built) furniture with "chic-shock"pieces from Bloomingdales. (3) I had begun preparing Up-Scale dinner parties. (4) I had just registered for a one-day course (at the New School for Social Research) on "finding and renting an apartment in New York."
Bernard listened, offered me two T-shirts, and gave me the following advice: "Accept your feelings, but remember that among the best home furnishings are children. However, no matter what perilous activities your young adults are into, a check can do no harm.
Jon accep ted our loan, renewed his lease, and continued job hunting. Although money can't buy love, health, happiness,... it did allow Howard and I to be Alone Together.
__________
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe's three sons have all moved out...but she and her husband, Howard, encourage them to visit FREQUENTLY.
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