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*H&H Bagels is a popular bagel company in Manhattan.
It has become
a New York cultural landmark featured in many TV
shows and movies
(“The Office,” “How I Met Your Mother,” and “Sex and the City”)
However, H&H also stands for two prominent women: Hillary Rodham Clinton and Huma Abedin Weiner.
E-mails started in the mid 1960s. At that time, messages often got lost and could take as long as a week to reach their destination. They were often sent at night to minimize the cost of long-distance phone calls.
Imagine if we were able to read the e-mails placed between Hillary and Huma during Anthony Weiner’s never-ending sexting problems. :-)
Dear Huma:
I couldn’t help noticing how you stood by Anthony. I know it was a difficult
moment joining him on the campaign trail. Loved your bright red lipstick.
Studies have shown that the lip color conveys a sense of confidence. Others have said that it gave your lips a “3-D look.”
Hillary
Dear Huma:
I heard you say that your marriage, like many others, has had it ups and
downs. Robert George [N. Y. Post] says that Anthony is using you as a
shield in his comeback tour. Don’t be a political enabler!
Hillary
Dear Huma:
Carlos Danger? Sometimes Anthony talks like he and Carlos Danger are
one????? What’s the scoop?
Hillary
Dear Hillary:
Re: Carlos Danger. The Urban Dictionary says that “Carlos” means
“The Best Male Stripper In The World” and Answers.com says that [in
English], “If your name is Carlos you are Debonaire, Suave, Genteel,
Godsend, Becoming Dependable, Giving, Gleeful, Goofy, Poetic, Poised,
and Gleaming.”
Personally, I’m following the common sense advice of Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.D. (“A Wife’s Little Red Book”):
Don’t use his “pet name” in front of the guys.
Huma
Dear Huma:
Bill is rather upset that you are implicitly comparing yourself to me.
Hillary
Dear Huma:
“EPISTOLARY EROTICISM!” What a great S.A.T. word!
Hillary
Dear Huma:
Did Anthony actually describe you as “this intriguing, fascinating creature”?
Hillary
Dear Huma:
George Costanza (JasonAlexander) reported that
“Anthony Weiner plumments in latest poll.” I believe the term is
‘shrinkage.’” Of course, he’s referring to a 1994 episode of Seinfeld.
Hillary
Dear Hillary:
Steve Elmendorf called Anthony a “putz.” What does it mean?
Huma
Dear Huma:
The word “putz” has nothing to do with Joseph Jason (“JJ” Putz), the major
league baseball relief pitcher for the Arizona Diamondbacks. In Yiddish,
“putz” rhymes with nuts. According to Leo Rosten (“The New Joys of
Yiddish”), literally, putz is vulgar slang for “penis.” He cautioned: “Putz
is not to be used lightly or when women or children are around.”
Hillary
Dear Huma:
Yes, I read Maureen Dowd’s column in The New York Times on July 28.
Did you really fall for Anthony because you liked his “Borsht Belt humor”?
Hillary
Dear Hillary:
Yes, he had a good sense of humor. TODAY, I’m trying not to analyze
our marriage. Robert J. Ackerman says, “Don’t overanalyze your
marriage. That’s like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every twenty
minutes to see how its roots are growing.”
Huma
Dear Hillary:
My goal: Rule #183: Let people know what you stand for--and what
you won’t stand for. (“Life’s Little Instruction Book” by H. Jackson
Brown, Jr.)
Huma
Dear Hillary:
Yes, it has been the Weiner-Spitzer summer...and Christine C. Quinn
has shown herself to be a “sober-minded adult in a chaotic campaign.”
(Michael Barbara and E. C. Gogolak used that term.) No, she hasn’t
hired prostitutes or sent lewd self-portraits to strangers.
Huma
Dear Huma:
Wow! What a confrontation between Anthony and retired NYC
schoolteacher, Peg Brunda. She actually refused to shake his hand
and told him that he lacked the “moral authority” to run the city. : (
Hillary
Dear Huma:
Yes, I saw the cover of The New Yorker [Aug. 6, 2013], with Anthony
straddling the Empire State Building. In his left hand he holds a smart-
phone.
May I make a suggestion: Use YOUR smart phone and make an appointment with a marriage counselor. Tom Carey (“The Marriage Dictionary”) defines a marriage counselor as follows:
Professional who will help you and your spouse to communicate
more efficiently, to discuss disagreements in a fair and rational
manner, and to divide the responsibilities of your marriage so that
you will be celebrating your love for one another, and stay together
long enough for her to make a down payment on a new BMW.
Hillary
Dear Hillary:
Anthony and I are already getting counseling. Our psychologist
recently quoted Less Parrott, Ph.D., who said, “In our society, people
are obsessed with the idea that there’s a single person who will make
them happy.” (Anthony uses the Yiddish words, “gliklekh”/”freylekh”
for happy.) Eventually, though, most men wise up to the fact that
happiness isn’t about finding the right woman--it’s about BECOMING
THE RIGHT MAN.”
Huma
Dear Huma:
Sydney Leathers? Is she really modeling leather skirts and jackets for clothing line Apparel NY? I read that she booked the gig by reaching out
to the clothing company and offering her services through a cold e-mail
to the address on its site. She’s being paid a flat fee plus commission.
Hillary
Dear Hillary:
It’s true! But, it’s something I don’t care about. Queen Latifah was right:
“I don’t want to be a supermodel; I want to be a role model.”
Huma
Dear Huma:
Loved the picture of 20-month-old Jordan Zane. Tell Anthony to sing
him “Tinkle, tinkle little star.” Joan Rivers (“Having A Baby Can Be A
Scream”) got this advice from her doctor: “If the little boy has not
learned to stand up and urinate by the age of two, he’ll catch on when
he sees how his father or older boys do. Try making a game of it. Cut
some circles of bright colored paper and float them in the toilet bowl.
Then have him play ‘hit the target’ with his father or brother. Even after
he seems to be trained, there are going to be ‘accidents’ for one reason
or another--stress or excitement or cold weather, or a change of scene,
etc.”
Hillary
P.S.
Joan Rivers also received this advice from her doctor: “After a while the
child should be creating his own interests and meeting the world on his
own terms. But if the parents are always anticipating him, picking him up,
showing him off, and getting into a stew when he’s sick or badly behaved,
that baby’s going to believe he’s the brightest star in the whole solar
system. He’ll expect everybody to find him charming and lovable without
his making any effort to be charming and lovable. And do you know how
he’ll end up? “
Joan: “As President of the United States?”
Dear Hillary:
Mark Jacobson wrote in New York magazine that you routinely referred
to me as “surrogate daughter,” right alongside Chelsea. Is that true?
Dear Huma:
Yes, dear.
Hillary
Dear Huma,
Re: Anthony’s lying. It’s interesting why men--and women--lie.
According to Social Psychologist, Robert Friedman, “women and men
tell lies with the same frequency...Women generally tried to smooth out
social situations. They try to make everyone feel good. Men tend to be
more competitive. One way to be more competitive is to build yourself up...
Women would say they liked a movie that they’d never seen, just to make
their conversational partner feel better. Men, on the other hand, lied to
make themselves look better. One subject bragged that his rock band
had landed a recording contract, when in reality he could barely play
guitar...” (Source: “The Little Red Book,” The Week)
Hillary
Dear Hillary:
A Yiddish-speaking woman in my new building on Park Avenue South,
said, “A meshpokhe mit af tsores” or “mit problemen.” I think she calls
us a dysfunctional family.
Huma
Dear Huma:
Yes, Timothy Dolan, who has been watching the mayor’s race closely,
said, “I don’t want to judge anybody. I think redemption is always
possible and always God’s preference.”
Hillary
Dear Hillary:
Anthony wonders what stand-up comedian Rabbi Bob Alper would say
about my situation
Huma
Dear Huma:
He’d probably tell the story of his walking around the religious school
one day where the students were writing creative prayers. “One child
wrote, ‘Dear God, please let there be world peace.’ Another child asked
for an end to hunger. And a third child wrote, ‘Dear God, please send
clothes for the girls in my daddy’s magazines.’”
Hillary
Dear Huma,
Mark Jacobson related a conversation you had with Anthony. Did he
really ask you if he was happy before he started running for mayor?
Did you answer, “Oh, God, yes. You were happy.” Jacobson then
said that compared to me, Anthony was an outer-borough SHMOE,
the guy who ran for student government at SUNY-Plattsburgh with the
slogan, ”Weiner’s on a Roll!”
The late Leo Rosten reminds us of Fred Allen, who protested on a 1947
radio program, “I’ve been standing here like a shmo for twenty minutes.”
Hillary
Dear Hillary,
Yes! From what I understand, the word “shmo/schmo” is used to
describe an average nobody--like Joe Shmo.
Huma
Dear Huma:
The word “schmo” also means State Hazard Miigation Officers, and
Social Health Maintenance Organizations. The other meaning of
“shmo”/”schmo” is a boob, a shlemiel, a clumsy and unlucky jerk.
Hillary
Dear Huma,
Thanks for informing me that you will be taking an extended vacation
time from your job. With so many balls in the air,-- career, family, social life, and politics--you’re bound to drop at least one if you don’t achieve some balance in your life. Bill and I are off to East Hampton. Enjoy!
Hillary
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