the schmooze

Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York

*The Yiddish word for medicine is “meditsin.”

Q. What is the difference between God and a doctor?
A. Only a doctor knows everything!

The Dr. Oz show debuted in September 2009.  Prior to that he had appeared on 55 episodes of “Oprah” over a period of five years.  Nightline profiled Dr. Oz, introducing him as “one of the country's most prominent physicians.”  Oz addresses important topics in health and “meditsin” and takes questions from a studio audience of viewers from around the United States.   The show was nominated for 2010 Daytime Emmy Awards in two categories:  Best Talk Show and Best Talk Show Host.

Dr. Mehmet Oz was recently called to Capitol Hill to face a Senate subcommittee. He was asked to explain the promotion of weight loss products on his show which are often described as scams.

Sen. Clair McCaskill of Missouri, talked about the “Oz Effect” and said, “I don't get why you need to say this stuff cause you know it's not true.  So why, when you have this amazing megaphone and this amazing ability to communicate, why would you cheapen your show saying things like that?”

“oylem” (audience)
“moyde zayn” (to admit/confess)
Dr. Oz replied, “I actually do personally believe in the items I talk about on the show. I would give my audience the advice I give my family all the time and I've given my family these products.”  (He does admit that some of the products he talks about wouldn't be approved for such claims by the Food and Drug Administration.”)

“sakonedik”/”gefrrlekh” (dangerous)
When Oz endorses unproved products such as green coffee extract and raspberry ketone, businesses often use his own quotes to help them sell products that are ineffective at best and dangerous (“sakonedik”) at worst (“ergst”).

“meditsin shafe” (medicine cabinet)
Dr. Oz says to stock your medicine cabinet with the following items:
Tea Tree Oil, Tiger Balm, Band-Aids, Ibuprofen, Aspirin, Pepto-Bismol, Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Dental Floss, Neti Pot, and Valerian Root.

“patsyent” (patient)
“Better patients make better doctors.  People are often hesitant to challenge their

doctor, but a good patient is someone who raises her hand and says, ‘I don't understand this,' or ‘This isn't working for me.'  Your physician will be able to take the knowledge she gains from your open, honest dialogue and pass it on to the next person she treats.”
       Dr. Oz quote

“meynung” (opinion)
David Letterman blurted out his opinion of TV's main Medicine Man, Dr. Mehmet Oz, when Jimmy Fallon  visited his “Late Night Show.”  When Fallon mentioned that Letterman's former studio is now the home of Dr. Oz's daytime talk show, Letterman exclaimed, “That quack is in our old studio?  You're kidding me!”

“otemen” (to breathe)
“It's only a matter of time before Dr. Oz says the air we breathe has carbs in it.”
      Lee Mays quote

“vog” (weight)
“Dr. Oz was talking about the diet of Jesus.  A person can lose weight, by only eating food that is holey.”
      Greg Myers quote

“forhang” (curtain)
“Dr. Oz admits weight-loss products on his show don't pass scientific muster.  Dr. Oprah believed him to be the man behind the curtain.”
     Warren Holstein quote

“eytse”/”aitzeh” (advice)
“refue” (cure)
“Dr. Oz is being sued by a man who claims that an insomnia cure promoted on “The Dr. Oz Show” resulted in third-degree burns on his feet.  Dr. Oz should counter-sue the man for following his advice and not seeking help from a real doctor.”
   Lee Mays quote

“shenken” (to donate)
“I see where Oprah's buddy, Dr. Oz, is getting his own syndicated show.  In a unique twist, Ozzie Osbourne has agreed to donate his body to Oz, for medical research.”
    Greg Myers quote

“biks” (gun)
“Your genetics load the gun.  Your lifestyle pulls the trigger.”
      Dr. Oz quote

“perzenlekh” (personal)
“True health care reform cannot happen in Washington.  It has to happen in our homes, in our communities.  All health care is personal.
      Dr. Oz Quote

“lign” (lie)
“lign zogn” (to lie)
“We're all human beings, but some of us are more sophisticated at covering our flaws.  We're just smart enough to lie to ourselves that everything is OK.”
    Dr. Oz quote

“zitsn” (to sit)
“zetsn zich” (to sit down)
“Every hour you sit at work increases your mortality 11 percent.  Think about it.”
     Dr. Oz quote

“velosiped” (bicycle)
“I used to bicycle to work across the George Washington Bridge, but my wife told me it wasn't professional.”
     Dr. Oz quote

“taynen” (to argue)
“It's difficult to love someone you don't respect, which is hard to remember when you're having an argument.”
     Dr. Oz quote

“zalts” (salt”)
Dr. Oz shares a 10-minute trick to get you into your skinny jeans after all.  His secret? Epsom Salt.  No, it's not a cockamamie crazy idea.  Dr. Oz explains that taking a bath in Epsom Salt has been found to take inches off a body that suffers from a lowered metabolism and increased weight gain or belly fat.  Dr. Oz says Epsom Salts work by drawing out the excess fluid in your body that causes bloating.  To show that this trick really works, Dr. Oz had a special participant take a 10-minute Epsom Salt bath on stage (“bine”).  Before entering the bath, the participant had a waist (“talye”) measurement of 41 inches and a thigh (“polke”) measurement of 27.5 inches.  After soakng in the Epsom Salt bath for 10 minutes, she emerged and measured in at just under 40 inches in the waist and just under 26 inches in the thighs.

Note:  If you stay longer, you don't get smaller.  Otherwise, we would have women shriveling up like raisins in a few hours.
   Dr. Oz quote

“plastik” (plastic) surgery
Joan Rivers has appeared on the Dr. Oz Show.  She told him that she doesn't regret her numerous plastic surgery procedures over the years, which include nose jobs, facelifts, brow lifts, liposuction, Botox injections, and chemical peels.  Joan said her anti-aging secret is to stay busy, write at least one new joke (“shpas”) a day, and do crossword puzzles to keep her mind active.

Dr. Oz reveals these inexpensive (“bilik”) anti-aging wrinkle creams--no surgery or needles:  Vitamin B3 cream, Bearberry extract, Epsom Salt bath for weight loss, Lipo wheat, Oral collagen (about $12 a month), and Polypodium Leucotomos Extract (sunscreen in a bottle).

“ibervog” (overweight)
Dr. Oz says 90% of women have cellulite.  He said it's a myth that only overweight women have cellulite, noting that most skinny women have it too.  Dr. Oz said three cellulite-fighting remedies that have proven to dramatically reduce the appearance of cellulite are caffeine cream, retinal cream and dry brushing.

“fraynd”/”khaver” (friend)
Re:  overeating.  ‘You'll eat 35% more when you dine with one friend and 96% more when you eat with seven friends,” according to Prof. Brian Wansink. (Wansink was a guest on The Dr. Oz Show.)

“nomen” (name)
“If you see my name, face or show in any type of ad, email or other circumstance, it's illegal--and not anything he has endorsed.”
        Dr. Oz quote

“gadles” (arrogance)
“Surgery is controlled arrogance.  You think you can take a knife in someone's chest and help him.  Who thinks that way?  Certainly no normal person.  You need that confidence, that certainty to do it.”
     Dr. Oz quote

“frayndlekh” (kind)
“Marcus Welby--the kindly, accessible, but straight-talking television doctor--is dead.”
    Dr. Oz quote

“mentsh” (human being)
“Western medicine has a firm belief that studying human beings is like studying bacteria in petri dishes.  Doctors do not want questions from their patients; it's easier to tell them what to do than to listen to what they say.”
   Dr. Oz quote

“fakt”  (fact)
“Astrology is very different from ‘astronomy.'  Astronomers spend years in school and know a lot of facts and stuff about science (“visnshaft”).  Astrologers just spout mystical mumbo jumbo that sounds good but isn't true.  It's like the difference between Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil.”
     Craig Ferguson quote

“haynt” (today)
“We regret the actions we don't take more than the ones we do.  A few years ago, I appeared on Oprah with Randy Pausch, the Carnegie Mellon professor dying of pancreatic cancer.  He told me that he had recently taken his family on a trip to Discovery Cove to swim with dolphins.  It was something that he'd always wanted to do, but it wasn't until he was dying that he made it happen.  The next day I booked the same trip with my family.  If there's something on your wish list for life, make plans today to do it.”
     Dr. Oz quote
MARJORIE WOLFE has been using a Dermawand, as shown on the Dr. Oz show.  After nearly two years, she says it has done wonders for her.  It has been very effective for “laugh lines” and now she looks EXACTLY LIKE HER MOTHER.


Search for Stories Beginning with the Letter
N O P Q R S T U V W   Y Z
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of
two books:
yiddish for dog and cat loversbook
"Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and
"Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction?  Yiddish
Trivia."  To order a copy, go to her

NU, what are you waiting for?  Order the book!

Yiddish Stuff
Jewish Humor
Schmooze News
More Majorie Wolfe
Jewish Stories
All Things Jewish
Jewish Communities of the World
Site Designed and Maintained by
Haruth Communications