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Redt nit keyn narishkayt!
(Don't talk nonsense!)
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Each year Lake Superior State University publishes a Banished Word List. Their 2006 list included the words "person of interest," "breaking news," "up or down vote," "first-time caller," "git-er-done," and " FEMA."
"Gib a kik." (Give a look.)
In my opinion,
these Yiddish words will NEVER be banished:
"klug" (smart)
Stephen Sondheim said, "I think Jews are
smarter than any other race."
"fastn" (to fast)
Mike Wallace became a gossip item in the
Washington Post in 2001, when columnist
Lloyd Grove found him eating on Yom
Kippur in the D.C. restaurant, Bullfeathers.
"rayze-byuro" (travel bureau)
[travel bureau to senior couple]
"Are you interested in a cruise, a safari or
shopping for prescription drugs in Canada?"
"onkukn" (to inspect)
Dave Barry ("Dave Barry's Money Secrets"),
said that Old House Delusion Disease
(OHDD) is very powerful. Usually, when
you buy an old house, you have professional house inspectors. These
inspectors are very thorough. They spend a
whole day crawling around the house, and
then they give you a detailed written report
which says DO NOT BUY THIS HOUSE, YOU
IDIOT."
"OY" (Oh.) Pain, fright, impatience.
When President Kennedy died, Aaron
Brown's mother said, "Oh, my God, I hope
the assassin wasn't Jewish."
"hipotek" (mortgage)
Dave Barry ("Dave Barry's Money Secrets")
wrote, "A mortgage is a great big wad of
money that you borrow so you can buy a
house that you cannot, by any sane standard, afford."
"oysgehorevet"/"farmutshet" (exha usted)
The Greedy Geezer Corp. presents "Money
Management For Seniors," a lecture for
people over "fuftsik" (50) years of age.
Harry C. Sherer, a financial consultant with
a sharp and incisive sense of humor said,
"
The leading cause of death in South Florida is exhaustion, caused by house
guests from the North."
"fliplats" (airport)
Dave Barry, in a book-signing at Barnes
&
Noble in Wellington, FL, said, "You should
arrive at the airport well in advance of
your scheduled flight departure time. The
Transportation Safety Administration
recommends that, for an 8 a.m. flight, you
get to the airport 'while it is still under
construction.'"
"shnorer" (beggar, cheapskate)
According to Ruth and Bob Grossman
("The Italian-Kosher Cookbook"), a "shnorra
sees his dentist twice a year to read all the
magazines he can't afford."
"moykhl zayn" (to forgive)
Paul Steinberg's "Study Guide to Jewish
E thics," tells this story: A former inmate of
a Nazi concentration camp was visiting a
friend who had shared the ordeal with him.
"Have you forgiven the Nazis?" he asked his friend.
"Yes."
"Well, I haven't. I'm still consumed with hatred for them."
"In that case," said his friend gently," they still have you in prison." (Retold by Anthony de Mello, "The Heart of the Enlightened: A Book of Story Meditations")
"frailechkeit" (happiness)
Tom Cruise was "frailechkeit" when he
hopped on Opray's sofa to declare his love
for Katie Holmes...and starting "morgn"
(tomorrow), to improve his popularity,
President Bush is going to jump on Opray's
"
kanape" (couch).
"oyvn" (oven)
A winter class For Men at the Learning
Center For Adults offers class #14: "The
Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used."
Live demonstrations. :-)
"kokhn" (to cook)
In the Preface to Ruth and Bob Grossman's
1964 book, "The Italian-Kosher Cookbook,"
they write, "...Grandma knew her traditional Kosher dishes were no longer
interesting enough to lure 'the kids' back
home every Friday night. But Grandma
started going overboard. How much Kosher Chinese food can a person eat? EGG
ROLL HAH DAH SAH or CHICKEN GOY YIM
WITH VEGETABLES are really great, now
and then. Even FAH SHTUNK KEN NAH FISH ROLL is a real treat, occasionally.
And
how often can you eat FAR BLUN JED EGG
DROP SOUP?"
"shalom" (peace--a watchword and a
greeting)
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach will host a new
series "Shalom in the Home," premiering
in April 2006.
"veter" (weather)
Norm Dvoskin, a weather anchor for News
12, Long Island, said, "My favorite TV
weatherman just got married. He said, he
was happy today, but would be taking
things fo ur days at a time."
"nomen" (name)
Rule #916 says: "The application of human
names to hurricanes is a meteorological
absurdity."
(Esquire Magazine, Dec. 2005)
"meshpokhe mit/af tsores" (dysfunctional
family)
The new program, "The Book of Daniel,"
starring Aldan Quinn, portrays an Episcopal
priest with his dysfunctional family. A
daughter who sells marijuana, a son who
is gay...Oy Vey!
"bord" (beard)
Rule #195 says, "Religion causes some people to get real angry and others
to grow long funny beards."
(Esquire Magazine, Rules - A Man's
Guide to Life)
"tselularer telefon" (cellphone)
Billy Crystal, upset by audience members who allowed their cellphone to ruin
his
B'way show, "700 Sundays" said, "Ladies
and Gentlemen, you've been a great audience except we had 12 cellphones go
off, so for the 12 of you who may have
ruined it for these other people, the next
time you go into a theatre...don't put on
your cellphone. I was very kind, turn it off
or don't take them, or simply shove them
up your A**. It's just horrible."
"modne" (odd)
"
por" (couple)
Art Carney & Walter Matthau
Tony Randall & Jack Klugman
Jack Lemon & Walter Matthau
Alfred Molina & Randy Graff
Nathan Lane & Matthew Broderick
Rosie O'Donnell & Harvey Fierstein
Rabbi Bob Alper & Ahmed Ahmed
Rabbi Marc Gellman & Monsignor Thomas
Hartman ("The God Squad")
Tim Allen & John Travolta ("Wild Hogs"}
"beykon" (bacon)
"One day Ari Frosh went into a fancy
delicatessen. He bought some canned
peaches, two bananas, an orange, and then,
in an archly blase manner, asked "Um--how
much is a quarter pound of--bacon?"
At once a tremendous clap of lightning- and-thunder shook the premises . Frosh glared at the ceiling ("der sufit"): "I was only asking!" ("Hooray For Yiddish," by Leo Rosten)
"nayes" (news)
Eli Wiesel's book, "Night," a true account
of the horrors that he witnessed as a young
man at Auschwitz and Buchenwald, was
selected as a book club selection by Oprah
Winfrey.
"shutef" (partner)
Lobbyist, Jack Abramoff's Oct. 23, 2000
e-mail ("electronish post") to his business
partner, Michael Scanlon, was not subtle:
"
Would 10K for NRCC from Suncruz for Ney
help?" Scanlon shot back: "Yes, alot [sic]!"
"bilet" (ticket)
At a concert for Theodore Bikel, tickets were sold as follows:
Mentsh $18 (Rear)
Meyvin $36 (Middle)
Makher $100 (Front)
"shvimen" (to swim)
Al Roker ("Don't Make Me Stop This Car!")
writes about the dreaded "twenty-minute"
rule: "All of us were told we couldn't go
swimming for 20 minutes after we ate...We
had heard rumors of children sinking to the
bottom of the pool, then their ham and
cheese-laden stomachs would fill with a
mysterious gas, expand ten times natural
size, and send them hurtling up from the
depths of the pool, causing 'the bends' and
certain death." (The writer's mother
stretched the twenty minute rule to about
an hour when she enjoyed swimming in the
ocean in Rockaway Beach, New York.)
"narishkeit" (foolishness)
Conversation:
Dad: "Nu, a guitarist you want to be?
Never mind this narishkeit. Better
you should go to the Sy Syms School
of Business at Yeshiva University
& nb sp; and get a real job."
Son: "Dad, Dave Barry went to Haverford College, wrote about 24 books, AND plays in 'The Rock Bottom Remainders Band.'"
Dad: "And their official slogan: "This band plays music as well as Metallica writes novels...and the band has no record contract, no music videos and no Grammy nominations, but have over 78,000 hits on Google." ( Source: rockbottomremainders. com)
"tsukerkrenk" (diabetes)
A Frenchman, A German and a Jew are
trudging across the Sahara.
The Frenchman says, "I'm so hot. I'm so thirsty. I must have wine!" The German says, "I'm so hot. I'm so thirsty. I must have beer!" The Jew cries, "I am so 'heys.' I am so 'dorshtik' (thirsty). I must have diabetes."
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