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A BANISHED WORD LIST FOR "DER YID"?
Redt nit keyn narishkayt!
(Don't talk nonsense!)
by
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
marjorie
Syosset, New York

 

Each year Lake Superior State University publishes a Banished Word List. Their 2006 list included the words "person of interest," "breaking news," "up or down vote," "first-time caller," "git-er-done," and " FEMA."

"Gib a kik." (Give a look.)
In my opinion, these Yiddish words will NEVER be banished:

"klug" (smart)
Stephen Sondheim said, "I think Jews are smarter than any other race."

"fastn" (to fast)
Mike Wallace became a gossip item in the Washington Post in 2001, when columnist Lloyd Grove found him eating on Yom Kippur in the D.C. restaurant, Bullfeathers.

"rayze-byuro" (travel bureau) [travel bureau to senior couple]
"Are you interested in a cruise, a safari or shopping for prescription drugs in Canada?"

"onkukn" (to inspect)
Dave Barry ("Dave Barry's Money Secrets"), said that Old House Delusion Disease (OHDD) is very powerful. Usually, when you buy an old house, you have professional house inspectors. These inspectors are very thorough. They spend a whole day crawling around the house, and then they give you a detailed written report which says DO NOT BUY THIS HOUSE, YOU IDIOT."

"OY" (Oh.) Pain, fright, impatience.
When President Kennedy died, Aaron Brown's mother said, "Oh, my God, I hope the assassin wasn't Jewish."

"hipotek" (mortgage)
Dave Barry ("Dave Barry's Money Secrets") wrote, "A mortgage is a great big wad of money that you borrow so you can buy a house that you cannot, by any sane standard, afford."

"oysgehorevet"/"farmutshet" (exha usted)
The Greedy Geezer Corp. presents "Money Management For Seniors," a lecture for people over "fuftsik" (50) years of age. Harry C. Sherer, a financial consultant with a sharp and incisive sense of humor said, " The leading cause of death in South Florida is exhaustion, caused by house guests from the North."

"fliplats" (airport)
Dave Barry, in a book-signing at Barnes & Noble in Wellington, FL, said, "You should arrive at the airport well in advance of your scheduled flight departure time. The Transportation Safety Administration recommends that, for an 8 a.m. flight, you get to the airport 'while it is still under construction.'"

"shnorer" (beggar, cheapskate)
According to Ruth and Bob Grossman ("The Italian-Kosher Cookbook"), a "shnorra sees his dentist twice a year to read all the magazines he can't afford."

"moykhl zayn" (to forgive)
Paul Steinberg's "Study Guide to Jewish E thics," tells this story: A former inmate of a Nazi concentration camp was visiting a friend who had shared the ordeal with him.

"Have you forgiven the Nazis?" he asked his friend.

"Yes."

"Well, I haven't. I'm still consumed with hatred for them."

"In that case," said his friend gently," they still have you in prison." (Retold by Anthony de Mello, "The Heart of the Enlightened: A Book of Story Meditations")

"frailechkeit" (happiness)
Tom Cruise was "frailechkeit" when he hopped on Opray's sofa to declare his love for Katie Holmes...and starting "morgn" (tomorrow), to improve his popularity, President Bush is going to jump on Opray's " kanape" (couch).

"oyvn" (oven)
A winter class For Men at the Learning Center For Adults offers class #14: "The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used." Live demonstrations. :-)

"kokhn" (to cook)
In the Preface to Ruth and Bob Grossman's 1964 book, "The Italian-Kosher Cookbook," they write, "...Grandma knew her traditional Kosher dishes were no longer interesting enough to lure 'the kids' back home every Friday night. But Grandma started going overboard. How much Kosher Chinese food can a person eat? EGG ROLL HAH DAH SAH or CHICKEN GOY YIM WITH VEGETABLES are really great, now and then. Even FAH SHTUNK KEN NAH FISH ROLL is a real treat, occasionally. And how often can you eat FAR BLUN JED EGG DROP SOUP?"

"shalom" (peace--a watchword and a greeting)
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach will host a new series "Shalom in the Home," premiering in April 2006.

"veter" (weather)
Norm Dvoskin, a weather anchor for News 12, Long Island, said, "My favorite TV weatherman just got married. He said, he was happy today, but would be taking things fo ur days at a time."

"nomen" (name)
Rule #916 says: "The application of human names to hurricanes is a meteorological absurdity." (Esquire Magazine, Dec. 2005)

"meshpokhe mit/af tsores" (dysfunctional family)
The new program, "The Book of Daniel," starring Aldan Quinn, portrays an Episcopal priest with his dysfunctional family. A daughter who sells marijuana, a son who is gay...Oy Vey!

"bord" (beard)
Rule #195 says, "Religion causes some people to get real angry and others to grow long funny beards." (Esquire Magazine, Rules - A Man's Guide to Life)

"tselularer telefon" (cellphone)
Billy Crystal, upset by audience members who allowed their cellphone to ruin his B'way show, "700 Sundays" said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, you've been a great audience except we had 12 cellphones go off, so for the 12 of you who may have ruined it for these other people, the next time you go into a theatre...don't put on your cellphone. I was very kind, turn it off or don't take them, or simply shove them up your A**. It's just horrible."

"modne" (odd) " por" (couple)
Art Carney & Walter Matthau
Tony Randall & Jack Klugman
Jack Lemon & Walter Matthau
Alfred Molina & Randy Graff
Nathan Lane & Matthew Broderick
Rosie O'Donnell & Harvey Fierstein
Rabbi Bob Alper & Ahmed Ahmed
Rabbi Marc Gellman & Monsignor Thomas
Hartman ("The God Squad")
Tim Allen & John Travolta ("Wild Hogs"}

"beykon" (bacon)
"One day Ari Frosh went into a fancy delicatessen. He bought some canned peaches, two bananas, an orange, and then, in an archly blase manner, asked "Um--how much is a quarter pound of--bacon?"

At once a tremendous clap of lightning- and-thunder shook the premises . Frosh glared at the ceiling ("der sufit"): "I was only asking!" ("Hooray For Yiddish," by Leo Rosten)

"nayes" (news)
Eli Wiesel's book, "Night," a true account of the horrors that he witnessed as a young man at Auschwitz and Buchenwald, was selected as a book club selection by Oprah Winfrey.

"shutef" (partner)
Lobbyist, Jack Abramoff's Oct. 23, 2000 e-mail ("electronish post") to his business partner, Michael Scanlon, was not subtle: " Would 10K for NRCC from Suncruz for Ney help?" Scanlon shot back: "Yes, alot [sic]!"

"bilet" (ticket)
At a concert for Theodore Bikel, tickets were sold as follows:
Mentsh $18 (Rear)
Meyvin $36 (Middle)
Makher $100 (Front)

"shvimen" (to swim)
Al Roker ("Don't Make Me Stop This Car!") writes about the dreaded "twenty-minute" rule: "All of us were told we couldn't go swimming for 20 minutes after we ate...We had heard rumors of children sinking to the bottom of the pool, then their ham and cheese-laden stomachs would fill with a mysterious gas, expand ten times natural size, and send them hurtling up from the depths of the pool, causing 'the bends' and certain death." (The writer's mother stretched the twenty minute rule to about an hour when she enjoyed swimming in the ocean in Rockaway Beach, New York.)

"narishkeit" (foolishness)
Conversation:
Dad: "Nu, a guitarist you want to be? Never mind this narishkeit. Better you should go to the Sy Syms School of Business at Yeshiva University & nb sp; and get a real job."

Son: "Dad, Dave Barry went to Haverford College, wrote about 24 books, AND plays in 'The Rock Bottom Remainders Band.'"

Dad: "And their official slogan: "This band plays music as well as Metallica writes novels...and the band has no record contract, no music videos and no Grammy nominations, but have over 78,000 hits on Google." ( Source: rockbottomremainders. com)

"tsukerkrenk" (diabetes)
A Frenchman, A German and a Jew are trudging across the Sahara.

The Frenchman says, "I'm so hot. I'm so thirsty. I must have wine!" The German says, "I'm so hot. I'm so thirsty. I must have beer!" The Jew cries, "I am so 'heys.' I am so 'dorshtik' (thirsty). I must have diabetes."

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___________________________________________
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of
two books:
yiddish for dog and cat loversbook
"Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and
"Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction?  Yiddish
Trivia."  To order a copy, go to her
website: MarjorieGottliebWolfe.com

NU, what are you waiting for?  Order the book!

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