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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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Shown below is a tongue-in-cheek quiz to find out how compatible you are with your Jewish boss. Circle any group of pairs that resembles YOUR relationship with your boss. Check the scoring at the end to see how well you fared.
1. a) I worry about the "recession"
b) The BOSS worries about the
"mancession"--a
recession that affects
men more than
women
2. a) I think we have God to thank for the
Post-it Note
b) The BOSS thanks Spencer Silver, the
scientist at 3M
3. a) I hire only those people who have CPS (Certified Professional Secretary) or
CAP (Certified Administrative Professional) ratings
b) The BOSS hires a pony-tailed cutie
pie--"a maidel mit a vayndel"
4. a) I think the 3 R's are "Reading, Writing,
and Rakhmones"
b) The BOSS considers them the
Risk/Reward Ratio
5. a) I take Glatt Kosher vacation cruises
on Kosherica
b) The BOSS cruises on the
"Informatsye" (Information)
Superhighway
6. a) I define "dos maysele" (fairy tale) as a
story about fairies
or other beings
with magic ("kishef")
powers
b) The BOSS defines a "fairy tale" as
stress management,
romance, privacy,
money in CDs,
job satisfaction, and
other GRIMS
7. a) I keyboard the way I live - "shnel"
F-A-S-T, with a lot
of mistakes
b) The BOSS thinks keyboarding isn't
bad, once you
get the nangk of jit
8. a) I know that "Ms." means any female
b) The BOSS assumes "Ms." means
miserable
9. a) I'm Felix Unger's soul mate and
believe that "messy
desks equal messy
minds"
b) The BOSS agrees with Dr. Witkin:
"If a man's desk
is too clean, too
antiseptic,
too empty, it could mean
that he
has nothing to do."
10. a) I define"ledger" as "a set of books
kept by a businessperson"
b) The BOSS agrees with R. W. Jackson
and defines "ledgerdemain" as "the
other set"
11. a) At business meetings I never "funfeh"
b) The BOSS is a typical "bulbenik"--
someone
who talks with a potato in
his mouth;
one who makes verbal
gaffes
12. a) I'm concerned about "di gloz" (Glass)
Ceiling
b) The BOSS is concerned with the
"groz" (grass)
Ceiling"--policies that
allow women to
join golf clubs only
as members' wives
and rules that
bar female players
during prime
playing hours
13. a) I read "Nice Girls Don't Get The
Corner Office" by
Lois Frankel
b) The BOSS reads "Trump: The Art
of the Comeback" by
Donald Trump
14. a) I'm concerned about Elana Kagan
b) The BOSS is concerned about
LeBron
James
15. a) I suffer from Flu-Shot Anxiety
b) The BOSS just suffers! "Shpor,
Shpor,
kumt der shvarts yor un
nemt
alts gor." (You save and you
save,
and then a lean year comes
and
takes away everything.)
16. a) I mark every envelope ("konvert")
"Top Priority," "Rush," "ASAP," or
"Fresh Fish"
b) The BOSS has the philosophy that
"the
more trouble you take to
mail "der
briv" (the letter), the
slimmer
the chances are that it
will
get where it's going on time...
or
ever
17. a) I decorate my "landscaped" office
with picture
of Oprah, Muriel
Siebert,
and Faith Popcorn
b) The BOSS decorates his corner
office with
gold framed portraits
of Michael
Eisner and Bill Gates
18. a) I consider myself an OAK--an open,
adaptive,
and knowledgeable
human being
b) The BOSS is a typical ACORN--an
addictive,
comulsive, obsessive, real
nutty
person
19. a) I suffer from Graphspasm--writer's
cramp
b) The BOSS suffers from Club Med
Dermatitis
20. a) I'm into "der tselularer telefon"
(cell phone)
b) The BOSS is into YELLular--the
loudness
one adopts in response
to
a bad cell phone connection, in
the
misguided hope that talking
louder
will improve the
connection
21. a) I require high quality modems like
the Multi-Tech
Multi Modem ZBA
Wired External
Serial RS-232 56
Kbps Fax
b) The BOSS shops "HIgh Tech," "Low
Tag"
22. a) I belong to "Women Office
Workers" (WOW),
Brandeis
Women, and
Hadassah
b) The BOSS belongs to (the) Royal
Association
for the Longevity of
the Honeymooners" (RALPH)
23. a) I agree with Jerrry Seinfeld: "I
don't believe
people think of their
offices
as a workplace anyway. I
think they
think of it as a
stationery
store with Danish. You
want to
get your pastry, your
envelopes,
your supplies, your
toilet paper,
six cups of coffee and
go home."
b) The BOSS is the Paul Reiser type--
prepares
a list of Things To Do
Today List: "There
are, of course,
grander
things you want to do
with your
day, larger goals you
have for
your life that also don't
need to
be written down. Work
toward World
Peace. I don't have
to jot that
down."
24. a) I invested in KKK (Kosher Krispy
Kreme) donuts
and lost megabucks
due to the
popularity of the no carbs
diet
b) The BOSS invested in gold--and
made lots
of money
25. a) I brown-bag it and eat lunch at the
desk
b) The BOSS "Power Lunches"
26. a) I've labeled my IN/OUT box,
"Shalom/Zei(t)
Gezunt
b) The BOSS labels his IN/OUT box,
"Easy
Come/Easy Go"
ANSWERS:
Allow one point for each circled answer.
16 - 26 points: You are hopelessly
incompatible
with your
boss. Contact
a head
hunter
NOW.
1 - 15 points: Mazel-tov. You and your
"balebos" are
very com-
patible, Ask
for a raise.
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