Bernie certainly isn't pleased with Faye's decision, but who is he to argue - he could never win. So he says, "OK, DEAR."
On the day of the cruise, Bernie and Faye drive up to the quay in their 2009 Bugatti Veyron 16.4, with its diamond-cut alloy rims, moisture-resistant leather for the interior, and a "Puccini" sound system. Captain Cohen is on the bridge as they pass by and calls in the purser. "Find out who they are and invite them to dine at my table "haynt" (tonight)."
Later, the purser knocks on the door of the Royal State Room. When Faye answers the door, the purser says, "Compliments of Captain Cohen, madam. He would very much like you both to dine with him this "ovnt" (evening).
Bernie comes to the door and says, "Who is it, Faye? Is there a problem?"
"This man says that Captain Cohen wants us to eat with him this evening," replies Faye.
"I told you we shouldn't have come," says Bernie, "seven-star or no seven-star, we have only been on this boat half-an-hour and already we have to eat with the crew."
My husband, Howard Wolfe, a retired guidance counselor, would like to become a "Gentleman Host" on one of the cruiseship lines. With tongue-in-cheek, we've prepared his resume.
Age: Mature (75), but young at "harts"
Able to keep up with "Boomers" and "Xers"
Marital status: Married
Personality: Extrovert. Makes friends easily. Able to cruise and "schmooze"
Dress Style: "Comfortable Elegance"
Favorite quote: "When I was very young and the urge to be someplace was on me, I was assured by mature people that maturity would cure this itch...In middle age I was assured that greater age would calm my fever and now that I am 58 perhaps senility will do the job. Nothing has worked...I fear the disease is incurable."
Dance Instructor, Arthur Murray and Fred Astaire Dance Studios
Worked as a go-fer for Gopher on "The Love Boat"
Organized a Windjammer Barefoot Cruise for singles who became doubles (five marriages resulted);
"Nor a shteyn zol zayn aleyn." (Only a stone should be alone.)
Tri-lingual: English, Spanish, Yiddish Excellent communication ability. I understand that:
KNOWLEDGE OF SHIPBOARD TERMS/ FACTS/TRIVIA
1. P.O.S.H. ("Port Out, Starboard Home")
2. ORLOP (nautical term describing the lowest deck of a ship with three or more decks)
3. Bermuda Triangle (awkward cruise-ship romance involving three people)
5. Pooped (smashed by a wave on the stern)
6. Williwaw (refers to a strong erratic gust of wind)
7. The longer the cruise, the older the passengers
8. The higher cost you pay for a cruise, the older the crowd is
9. Laminex (crew I.D. card which doubles as a passport while in port)
10. The "caller" at bingo on cruise ships often says "quack quack" when the no. 22 is called
Dancing: American and iternational styles;
all ballroom, Latin Disco and Country
Western line dances; the Electric Slide, Achy Breaky and Tush Push
Duplicate Bridge (Instructor) Tai Chi Qi Gong
Attended: Protocol School of Washington, the "Harvard of etiquette schools"
"The world is a book, and those who do NOT travel read only a page."
More Majorie Wolfe
All Things Jewish
Jewish Communities of the World