the schmooze

Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York

*The Yiddish word for coffee is "kave."
The Yiddish word for a coffee pot is "kavenik."
The Yiddish words meaning to dine are "essen mitek."

I have something to admit. My blood type is Folgers. I love coffee...and I've been known to share these lines:

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze (In Yiddish, "dremlen" means to doze)
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz.
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction
I will fear no Equal!
For thou art with me; they cream ("shmant") and thy sugar ("tsuker") they comfort ("treyst") me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of The Starbucks:
Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste ("taam") shall follow me all the days of my life:
And I will dwell in the House of Mochas forever.

I'm so pleased to read in New York Magazine (July 9, 2012) that a new study says "that coffee-drinking helps you live longer." You can spend the extra year waiting in line at Starbucks.

My favorite expression; "America runs on Dunkin." As a stockholder in Dunkin' Donuts, I'm glad to know that they have locations in nearly 60 countries; they can be found in XiAn, China and Plainview, New York.

So, I was delighted to learn that Jerry Seinfeld and Ricky Gervais are starring in a new online series, "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee." The concept of the show is quite simple: Seinfeld drives around in cool "alt" (old) cars with some friends he's seen on "di televisye" (the television.)

They'll drive to a coffee shop (John O'Groats in Los Angeles, City Island Diner in the Bronx.) The men talk/"kibbitz."
The late Leo Rosten would say that they joke, fool around, wisecrack, and socialize aimlessly. Occasionally, there's a fully formed joke. Gervais has a line about Hitler's honeymoon--and crack each other up.

Mike Hale of The New York Times says, "The real action consists of the snorting and cackling laughter ("gelekhter") of middle-aged men so amused by each other." They discuss boxers vs. briefs or tea ("tai") vs. coffee ("kave").

They rock in their seats and double over in helpless paroxysms. Larry Davis is so taken by Seinfeld's use of the word "debauched" that he actually spits his tea into the "fentster" (window).

Seinfeld drives as if he's determined to get stopped by a "politsyant" (cop), and his comic pal wonders about why he agreed to it in the first place. Ricky Gervias, who is in "der pasazhir" (the passenger) seat, considers the ride a death trap. Bracing himself against the dashboard that was too close for comfort, he lived through the drive to the coffee shop but not without much swearing and wailing about near death experiences.

Gervais does not have to tell Seinfeld, "Nu, yug zakh" (Come on, speed it up.) He already is speeding! And the roadster being driven does not include the kind of suspension system that softens the blows when pot holes and rough road surfaces come along. The jolts only add to Gervais' "tsores" (misery).

Welcome back, Jerry. You've finally done another show about "gornisht"--nothing!
Marjorie's favorite expression: "Be a coffee-drinking individual--espresso yourself."


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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of
two books:
yiddish for dog and cat loversbook
"Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and
"Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction?  Yiddish
Trivia."  To order a copy, go to her

NU, what are you waiting for?  Order the book!

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