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CBS News Sunday Morning called Andy Borowitz "one of the funniest people in America." He has also been called a
"Swiftian satirist" (The Wall Street Journal)
and "America's satire king" (The Daily Beast). In addition, Borowitz is a New York
Times bestselling author.
Shown below is a Yiddish Guide to Borowitz:
"Bakent zikhmit..." (May I introduce) Andy Borowitz ("The 50 Funniest American Writers") includes the following men and women in the book: Lenny Bruce, Woody Allen, Philip Roth, Nora Ephron, Fran Lebowitz, Garrison Keillor, Molly Ivins, Calvin Trillin, etc.
Note: Marjorie Wolfe's favorite paragraph by Woody Allen ("A Look at Organized Crime"): "It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies. Reliable sources indicate that the Cosa Nostra laid out no more than six thousand dollars last year for personalized stationery, and even less for staples. Furthermore, they have one secretary who does all the typing, and only three small rooms for headquarters, which they share with the Fred Persky Dance Studio..."
"bukh" (book)
In 2006, Andy wrote "The Republican
Playbook." The book is packed with detailed instructions on essential topics like
how to run a smear campaign, how to cover
a leak, and how to plant one, plus diagrams
for fully functioning voting booth/ballot
shredders (to be used in Florida, Ohio, and
other battleground states).
"dershtoynt" (amazed)
Berkowitz wrote, "...while continuing to
quell rumors that he is a Muslim, Sen. Barach Obama (D-Ill) took a bold step today
to settle questions about his religious faith
once and for all.
"I am converting to Judaism, effective immediately," Mr. Obama told reporters at a press conference in Scarsdale, New York, adding that he would change his middle name from 'Hussein' to 'Murray.'
As a sign of commitment to his new faith, the Illinois Senator said that he anticipated being Bar Mitzvahed sometime between now and the crucial Pennsylvania primary and that he would no longer campaign on Saturdays.
In a subtle sign of the shift in his religious affiliation, Mr. Obama's signature catchphrase 'Yes, we can,' was nowhere to be found in his speech, replaced instead by 'L'Chaim.'"
"faynt hobn" (to hate)
Borowitz loves to make fun of people;
he also hates President George W. Bush.
"froy" (wife)
Borowitz is married to Olivia Gentile.
"geboyrn-tog" (birthday)
Headline: Andy Borowitz Birthers Deny It's
Obama's Birthday
NAIROBI (The Borowitz Report)
"President Barack Obama celebrated turning 49 years of age today amid a growing controversy from members of the so-called 'Birther' movement who claim that today is not actually his birthday.
"Mr. Obama wants us to believe that today is his birthday but since he won't provide his birth certificate, we're not going to take his word for it," said Orly Taitz, a leading Birther.
Speaking at a press conference in Nairobi, Kenya, Ms. Taitz said that she traveled "to the land of the President's birth" to find his original birth certificate, but to no avail."
'Unfortunately, the trigal shaman in the President's village didn't keep good records,' she said. 'It's probably hidden away in a mud hut somewhere.'"
"gold" (gold)
Andy Borowitz said, "I'm not the first to
realize that lists are commercial gold. I have spent many hours on the treadmill
watching those addictive countdown shows on E! ("20 Most Suspicious-looking
Celebrity Cold Sores"). And while it's
tempting to dismiss listmania as the province of the trashy, even the monocle-
wearing Pooh-Bahs at The New Yorker have
succumbed. In 2010 they put out their
"20 Under 40" honor roll of fiction writers,
the result of a mysterious selection process
that seemed to be on loan from the College
of Cardinals."
Source: Introduction, "The 50 Funniest
American Writers" According to Andy
Borowitz
"groylik" (horrible)
"blaybn lebn" (to survive/remain alive)
"I think the reason that satire is on the rise
is because the real news is so bad right now,...I'd love it if we lived in a world where
there was nothing to satire, but given this
world, people need satire and comedy right
now...[Humor] enables us to look at the
horrible things going on and survive [them]."
"hor" (hair)
According to "Einstein's Rules" by Andy
Borowitz and Steve Brodner (The New
Yorker), "three words that are no longer
allowed in our house: "bad," "hair," and
"day."
"indik" (turkey)
"umshuldik" (innocent)
11/25/06 headline;
A (LAME) DUCK SPARES A TURKEY
Borowitz wrote, "President George W. Bush took the bold step of pardoning a turkey on the front lawn of the White
House Wednesday. In what White House
insiders were calling an act of "poultry
solidarity," the president said that he had
decided to pardon the turkey months ago
and was determined to 'stay the course.'
"I'm a decider, and I have decided that this turkey is innocent," Mr. Bush told the White House Corps."
"internets" (Internet)
"I wanted to get away from big, expensive
network projects...so I moved to New York
and I did nothing. And then I discovered
the internet. I didn't think of it as a
moneymaker...I wrote stuff I thought my
friends would find funny."
Andy Borowitz quote
"kandidat" (candidate)
[about Herman Cain]
According to The Borowitz Report, a poll
revealed that a majority of likely voters say
they were sexually harassed by candidate
Herman Cain. News of the poll hit just as
Herman Cain accusers gathered for a march
on Washington in numbers estimated at
999,999.
Asked about the size of the Washington gathering, Mr. Cain said he did not remember harassing so many women, but added, 'I've never been very good with numbers.'"
"kaledzh"/"koledzh" (college)
Borowitz graduated magna cum laude from
Harvard. He was President of the renowned humor magazine, "The Harvard Lampoon." His undergraduate thesis was on "Restoration comedy."
Restoration Comedy refers to English comedies written and performed in the Restoration period from 1660 - 1710. After public stage performances had been banned for 18 years by the Puritan regime, the re-opening of the theatres in 1660 signalled a renaissance of English drama.
"kave" (coffee)
"Get over yourselves with the coffee. You
know, we all have it. It's like being famous
for mustard or gum."
Andy Borowitz quote
"komike" (comedienne)
"Britney [Spears] is one of our great comedians. She has been hilarious."
Andy Borowitz quote
"khasene' (marriage)
[tongue-in-cheek piece about marriage of Prince Charles to Camilla]
"April 5, 2005. With the marriage of her
son Prince Charles to Camilla Parker Bowles
just days away, Queen Elizabeth II is battling
a 'mean case' of empty nest syndrome,
sources say, and has taken to meddling in
the lives of random British subjects to
fill the void.
"The final countdown to Charles' wedding has been hard on the old girl, I dare say," said one close associate of the Queen, who identified himself only by his first name, Philip. "She has been pacing the halls of Buckingham Palace, moaning that her little one is moving out," he continued. "I wish the old bat would pull herself together.'" Andy Borowitz quote
"nief" (adultery)
"Meanwhile, former House Speaker, Newt
Gingrich predicted that his recent rise in
the polls is not a fluke. 'The American people want an adult, and no one has a
stronger record of adultery than I do.'"
(The Borowitz Report, Nov.15, 2011)
"noz" (nose)
Borowitz once took the stage, making jokes
about the size of his nose and about how the Cleveland Indians should have been
renamed to "The Cleveland Jews."
"televisye" (television)
Andy Borowitz accepted his first TV job
writing dialogue for Archie Bunker's
Place. He doubted hat he could pull this
assignment off, and worried about the
reaction that rap fans might have to the
first hip-hop sitcom being created by a
Jewish Harvard grad from Shaker Heights.
(Brandon Tartikoff, then the president of
NBC Entertainment, had already talked to
the African-American writers about writing
the pilot, but they were either unavailable
or uninterested. So, Borowitz got the job
more or less by default.)
Source: "Prime-Time Playa"
Sex, Drugs & Gefilte Fish"
(The Heeb Storytelling Collection)
Edited by Shana Liebman
"teyket" (immediately)
"I am resigning effective immediately. Bo
Derek will become the new vice president."
Andy Borowitz quote
"turme" (prison)
Borowitz also wrote a book titled, "Who
Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to
Surviving in prison. This book offers
"vertful" (valuable) advice for those
executives who have cooked the books,
and now find themselves paying the price.
He covers all aspects of prison life, from
"der aroysgang" (the exit) strategies (prison break tips) to cell feng shui and
self-defense (how to use his book as a
deadly weapon).
"untervesh" (underwear)
Borowitz wrote, "At Shaker High, the girls
mainly went for jocks whose idea of a witty
retort was a wedgie." (Note: A wedgie is a
schoolyard prank in which one person grabs the back of the waistband of another
person's underwear while he or she is still
wearing them, and pulls them up. This
wedges their underwear between their butt
cheeks.)
Source: Introduction to, "The 50 Funniest
American Writers" According to Andy
Borowitz
"vebzayl
" (website)
Andy Borowitz is a comedian and satirist. His main outlet is the website, "The
Borowitz Report," which boils down the day's top story into a few perfect lines of
fake news.
"vits" (joke)
Borowitz said, "If Mark Twain had had
Twitter, he would have been amazing at it.
But he probably wouldn't have gotten
around to writing Huckleberry Finn."
----------------------------------------
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe invites her friends
to join her on a 2012 Viking River Cruise
through Southern France from Oct. 21 to
28. Sail along France's scenic Saone and Rhone Rivers past some of the most beautiful vistas the French countryside has
to offer. Marjorie will be giving lectures on
the following topics:
"The Bintel Brief in 2012"
"The Humor of Molly Goldberg"
"The Humor of Sam Levenson"
"The Humor of the Jewish Mother"
"Ess. Ess. The Children in Europe are
Starving"
"Tales From the Front Stoop"
"50 Fabulous Yiddish 'f' Words--and the
stories behind them"
"Grandma, I Met My 'Bashert' on JDate:
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know
About Dating Online"
"What the Chelm! Chelm Tales"
For information, please contact:
ANDERSON TRAVEL
1801 E. Tahquitz Canyon Way
Palm Springs, CA 92262
877-237-9026
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