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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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In Yiddish, the word "bashuldikn" means to blame.
"The man who blames others for his problems hasn't begun his education. The man who blames himself has begun his education. And the man who blames no one has finished his education." James S. Hewett
The Yiddish word for victim is "korbn" and we have become a world of victims, like Adam and Eve, who pass the blame to the serpent.
In 2010 we ask, "Who is to blame for the gas price increase? Some blame oil giants. Some blame President Obama. Others blame politicians, and others say the price is rising due to the increased world wide demand for energy. Others say, it's due to "profit margin."
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach ("Shalom in the Home") blames his own parents' divorce for shortcutting his childhood. (He believes in keeping families intact at almost any cost.) In his book, "Parenting With Fire - Lighting Up the Family with Passion and Inspiration," he writes about his daughter, Chana.
"She is very bright, thank G-d, and is doing very well in school, the best student in our family....But she, always my most intense and passionate child, is not happy right now. We sat down together and I said, 'You seem upset, and I think you're angry because you feel that I am too rigid about what you can and cannot do, and you're jealous of the freedom you saw your cousins had on our most recent trip to Miami. They can go out with boys, watch TV. They can spend hours on the phone if they wish. They're not pushed as hard as you to do the right thing. And your oppression, if you want to call it that, is making you sad and angry and resentful of me."
Rabbi Shmuley continues, "if my daughter feels that my parenting is a burden to her, then the only person I can blame is myself. I can't blame other parents, in comparison to whom I appear strict; I have to assume that I haven't been providing the inspiration that makes the healthier passions I promote seem as appealing as celebrity magazines and hanging out with boys."
Rabbi Denise L. Eger wrote (Oct. 8, 2007), "From Sen. Craig of Idaho to Lindsey Lohan to Atlanta Falcon's former quarterback, Michael Vick, all have tried to evade their actions. Indeed each claimed they were a victim rather than a perpetrator. Each is an example of how our society as a whole evades the idea of accountability."
There's even the humorous story about the long sermon, and the minister who blamed his wife's dentures.
The congregation liked their new pastor, but were somewhat puzzled by his speaking style. His first sermon ran only 8 minutes; the second Sunday he spoke for 45 minutes; and the third week he rattled on for an hour and a half. That was enough for the Board to summon him for a little chat.
To their relief, the pastor had a ready explanation. "The Saturday before the first sermon, I had my teeth pulled and my mouth was still terrible sore. But by the time a week had gone by, I'd gotten used to my new dentures.
Here the minister paused, and began "reytlen zikh' (to blush). "And as for last Sunday, well, I'm afraid that I picked up my wife's set of teeth by mistake!"
Tony Campolo writes, "Wives feel resentment when it is assumed that they are responsible for everything that goes wrong around the house. This is epitomized in the television ad in which the husband is upset because there's a ring around the collar. The wife breaks into tears because her detergent has not removed the dirt from her husband's shirt. The ring around the collar is seen as telltale evidence of her failure.
The ad never asks the obvious question:
'Why didn't he wash his neck?'"
(Source: James S. Hewett, Illustrations Unlimited (Wheaton: Tyndale House Publisher, Inc. 1985), P. 441.
I'm presently reading Philip Roth's new book, "Nemesis." Here we meet Eugene (Bucky) Cantor, a 23-year-old playground director who witnesses and is deeply affected by the polio outbreak in Weequahic, New Jersey.
The victims include Danny and Myron Kupferman, Alan Michaels, and Herbie Steinmark, a chubby, "frayndlekh" (friendly)and hopeless "klutz."
The "bashuldikn" (blame) for the epidemic is laid upon the tough Italian boys from Newark. It is believed that they have infected the Jewish children of Weequahic by deliberately "shpayen" (spitting) on "der tretar" (the sidewalk) just outside the playground.
Some of "di tate-mame" (parents) think that the playground director is partially responsible. We read this passage:
Mr. Cantor calls the Kopferman home after the two Kopferman brothers, Danny and Myron had been strickened with polio. Mrs. Kopferman told him,
"You!" shouted Mrs. Kopferman. "You have the nerve to call?"
"Excuse me," Mr. Cantor said, "I don't understand."
"What don't you understand? You don't understand that in summertime you use your head with children running around in the heat? That you don't let them drink from the public fountain? That you watch over children during polio season? No! Not for a minute!"
"Mrs. Kopferman, I assure you, I am careful with all the boys."
"So why do I have two paralyzed children? Both my boys! All that I've got! Explain that to me! You let them run around like animals up there--and you wonder why they get polio! Because of you! Because of a reckless, irresponsible idiot like you!"
And she hung up.
This was his first direct confrontation with vile accusation and intemperate hatred, and it had unstrung him far more than dealing with ten menacing Italians at the playground sidewalk."
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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe likes to quote
Golda Meir: "There can be no doubt that
the average man blames much more than he praises. His instinct
is to blame. If he is
satisfied, he says nothing; if he is not, he
most illogically kicks up a row."
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