ARE YOU A WEINER?

by
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe

Syosset, New York

Columnist, Stanley Bing, wrote a piece for Fortune Magazine (July 25, 2011) titled, "Could You Be a Weiner"?  Of course, he is referring to Anthony Weiner's "skandal" (scandal), also dubbed Weinergate.  He used the social media "vebzaytl" (website) Twitter to send a sexually suggestive picture to a young woman in Washington State.  Such a "bizoyen" (disgrace)!  He subsequenlty resigned and was replaced by Republican, Bob Turner.

Bing asks his readers to find out if they might be at risk of public ("klal") humiliation("zilzl").

  Grab a #2 pencil and let's see how well you fare on this tongue-in-cheek quiz.
Answer "yes" or "no" to each of the following questions:

1.  Do you agree with Isaac Bashevis Singer who once said, "Today's Jews like three things:  sex, Torah and revolution"?

2.  Have you read Rabbi Shmuley Boteach's international blockbuster, "Kosher Sex"? (USA Today says, "Proves that sex can be holy and hot.")

3.  Have you ever returned to a your home after a business trip, looked in "der shpigl" (the mirror), and said, "Ikh hob geton epes shlekhts."  (I have done something wrong.)

4.  Have you ever gotten "shiker" (drunk/ intoxicated) after serving a "freynd" He'Brew--The Chosen Beer from The Shmaltz Brewing Company?  (They're dedicated to crafting delicious beer and delicious shtick!)

5.  Have you ever been an "farlegnhayt" (embarrassment) at the office "Holiday Party" by quoting Mel Brooks:  "The egg cream is psychologically the opposite of circumcision.  It pleasurably reaffirms your Jewishness."

6.  Have you ever sent a "blits post" or "elektronish post" (e-mail) to the CEO... and later regretted sending it?  (The CEO subsequently greeted you with a distorted sour face ("farkrimt").

7.  Has any female ever called you a"nishtgutnik"-- a no-good person? "Nit gedacht!"  (It shouldn't happen!)

8.  Has your CEO ever called you a "shtick holtz"--a person with no personality?

9.  Would you be embarrassed to share this joke with your "bruder" (brother)?

"Being King James  Bible's 400th year anniversary, only biblical scholars know they're just found Cain's memo to Abel. It says, "Mom always liked me best."   (Source:  Cindy Adams, Oct. 4, 2011,   New York Post)

10.  Have you ever felt as humiliated as Hank Williams, Jr., the legendary country star?  (The media slammed him after he seemed to compare President Barach Obama to Adolf Hitler on a Fox News program.  He has a history of implying that Obama doesn't love the United States.)

11.  Would you be humiliated if you didn't know that "a love set' is a tennis term meaning the winner loses no games? (Oy! You thought it was a matching emerald-and-"diment"  (diamond) engagement "fingerl" (ring) and wedding band?)

12.  Did you find it "komish" (humorous/ funny) that Ashton Kutcher got "naket" (naked) on the season premiere of "Two and a Half Men"?  (Note:  "The revised "Two and a Half Men" was the most-watched program for the week; it drew 28 million viewers.)

13.  Do you agree with this Yiddish proverb:
"Az me est chazzer, zol rinnen fun bord."
(If you're going to do something wrong, enjoy it!)
----------------------------------------
KEY:

"Ich vais nit."  (I don't know.)

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___________________________________________
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe is the author of
two books:

"Yiddish for Dog & Cat Lovers" and
"Are Yentas, Kibitzers, & Tummlers Weapons of Mass Instruction?  Yiddish
Trivia."  To order a copy, go to her
website: MarjorieGottliebWolfe.com

NU, what are you waiting for?  Order the book!