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FOR SARAH PALIN
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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On Nov. 14, I was one of the 5 "milyon" people who watched
Sarah Palin's Alaska,
the reality show offered on TLC. I was
amazed at "di sheynkayt" (the beauty) of
Alaska. The snowcapped mountains, pine
forests, shimmering lakes, and landscapes at Denali Park and Mount
McKinley, are a sight to behold. I've never been to Alaska. Yes,
the series looks like a travelogue, according to Alessandra Stanley..."it's
like 'The Sound of Music' but without the romance, the Nazis or
the music."
We get to hear Sarah offering one well-known homily: "A poor day of fishing beats even a great day at work."
No, Sarah did NOT share the following story about the Secret to
Successful Ice
Fishing:
Sarah and Todd have been sitting out on their lake all day "ayz" (ice) fishing. Sarah has been having no luck at all and Todd has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the "ayz." Sarah finally leans over and asks Todd what his secret is.
"Mu mupu meep ma mrrms mrrm" is the reply.
"Geez, Todd, what was that?"
"Mu mupu meep ma mrrms mrrm" Todd replies.
"Good grief, Todd, still can understand what you're saying."
Todd spits something into his hand and says very clearly, "I said 'YOU GOTTA KEEP THE WORMS WARM.'"
It quickly became obvious that Sarah is attached to her BlackBerry and makes extensive use of the "kompyuter" in her Wasilla home. At one time, when Sarah was busy working on her PC and Willow's boyfriend tried to sneak into Willow's room "oybn" (upstairs), Palin did not miss a beat. She called Willow out and asked her to come "untn" (downstairs) with her male friend till the count of "dray" (three).
In fact, a 22-year-old man, David Kernell, was just convicted of hacking into Sarah Palin's "blitspost" (e-mail) account in 2008, while she was the Republican vice presidential "kandidat" (candidate). He reset her password to "popcorn" ("kokoshes" in Yiddish). Palin compared Kernell to Richard Nixon's plumbers. Because the hack exposed the phone numbers and e-mail
account addresses of her kids, they began receiving vulgar e-mail threats and phone calls.
Palin is certainly into "der kompyter." While running for vice president, Sarah required that her hotel suite be equipped with a laptop computer and printer.
Pastor Brian Love has published a list of humorous Alaskan Computer terms. Shown below is the Yiddish version:
Log on: Make the wood stove hotter. Log off: Don't add no more "holts" (wood) Monitor: Keep an "oyg" (eye) on that wood stove.
| Download: | Getting the firewood off "der lastoyto" (truck) |
| Floppy Disk: | What you get from trying to carry too much "fayerholts" (firewood) |
| Ram: | The thing that slits the "fayerholts" |
| Hard Drive: | Getting "heym" (home) in "der vinter" (the winter) |
| Prompt: | Throw "an ander" (another) log on the fire. |
| Window: | (AKA "fentster"/"fenster") What to shut when it's "kalt"(cold) outside. |
| Screen: | What to shut during "der komar sezon" (the mosquito season). |
| Byte: | What mosquitoes do. |
| Bit: | What the mosquitoes did. |
| Lap Top: | Where "kats" (kitty) sleeps. |
| Mouse: | (AKA "moyz") What eats "dos esnvarg" (the food) in your "shpayzkamer" (pantry). |
| Mainframe: | What holds the "heym" (home) up. |
| Web: | The things spiders make. |
| Web Site: | (AKA "vebzaytl") The "garazh" (garage) or "boydem" (attic). |
| Cursor: | Someone who swears a lot. (Note: "zidlin" is the Yiddish word meaning to swear/curse.) |
| Search Engine: | (AKA "pfind-motor") What you do when the "lastoyto" (truck) dies. |
| Screen Saver: | A repair kit for the torn "fentster" (window) screen. |
| Home Page: | A "mape" (map) you keep in your back "keshene" (pocket) just in case you get "farloyrn" (lost) when hunting moose. |
| Upgrade: | Driving up into Atigun Pass. |
| Sound Card: | One of them technological "geboyrn-tog" (birthday) cards that plays "muzik" (music). |
| User: | Buddy down the street who keeps coming over to "antlayen" (borrow) stuff. |
| Network: | When you have to repair your fishing "nets" (net). |
| Internet: | (AKA "internets") Where "der fish" get caught. |
| Netscape: | When the fish gets away. |
| On-line: | When you get "dos vesh" (the laundry) on "der gretshtrik" (the clothesline). |
| Megabyte: | What BIG mosquitoes do. |
| Chip: | Munchies when motoring. ("rugelach"--the horn-shaped pastry--is "batamt" (delicious)! |
| Microchip: | What's left after you eat the chips. |
| Modem: | What you did to the weeds. |
| Dot Matrix: | Old Dan Matrix's "froy" (wife). |
-------------------------------------------
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe agrees with Dave
Barry:
"A person who is nice to you, but
rude to the
waiter, is not a nice person."
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