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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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While my "mishpokhe" (family) had a "snowvember"--an early winter--I'm spending the winter in S. Florida. At present, schools are closed for the winter break.
The Palm Beach Post states that Jan 4 is Teacher workday/no school for students. On Jan. 13, report cards are distributed to secondary schools. "Di novtfal" (The emergency) makeup days are Jan. 4 and Feb. 15.
Imagine if Sam Levenson ("You Don't Have to Be in Who's Who to Know What's What") were alive today and was asked to speak to teachers and administrators in Palm Beach County. What would he say?
Ladies & Gentlemen:
As I wrote in one of my books, a delightful Professor of Education at Brooklyn College who taught future teachers (me amongst them) said, "Tell 'em what you're gonna 'learn 'em, then 'learn em,' then ask 'em: 'What did I just "learn you"?
APPLAUSE
I spent some time counseling students about colleges, the job market, working
9-5, and "potluck parenthood." I spoke from
experience! Every day my parents would ask me what I was going to do
when I grew
up. I told them that I would like to be a
philanthropist. I wasn't sure just what it
was but I explained to my parents that
according to the newspapers they were
invariably millionaires. Someone suggested
that I become an actuary; I thought that job
had something to do with birds. I became
a Spanish teacher.
Teachers in Florida have a difficult task.
At decade's end, Palm Beach County's
unemployment rate is in double digits.
Your students are coming from homes from
two groups: those with a job, and the
roughly two out of every 10 adults looking
for one.
Florida has a high dropout rate. There are some theories about why the rate is so high. Large schools and a focus on test scores. Large schools make it easy for students to be anonymous. Rigorous demands on test scores mean that some students who are not good at standardized testing might get discouraged with their performance. Schools must take a more expanded role in today's world of busy parents, dysfunctional families and untold distractions for children.
Although I taught in Brooklyn, I'm well aware that FCAT means "Florida's Comprehensive Assessment Test" and is used to provide a measure of how the student, teacher and entire school are operating.
The risk factors or predictors of dropping
out are well known and include being
overage, behavior problems, poor attend-
ance, low performance on standardized tests and grade retention. Minority
groups
are over represented in the dropout
statistics.
Don't be surprised to hear "The Prayer said
before finals/FCATs":
Now I Lay Me
Down to Study
I Pray the Lord I
Won't Go Nutty.
If I Should Fail to
Learn this Junk,
I Pray the Lord
I Will Not Flunk.
But if I do,
Don't Pity Me at All,
Just Lay My Bones
In the Study Hall.
Tell My Prof
I Did My Best,
Then Pile My
Books Upon my Chest.
Now I Lay Me
Down to Rest
And Pray I'll Pass
Tomorrow's FCAT Test.
Regarding cheating. The Yiddish word meaning "to cheat" is "opnarn." There's the story about the young Larry who stopped by the corner grocery store in Lake Worth and read the following list to the clerk:
10 cans of Del Monte Sloppy Joe, 10 for $10
10 lbs. of sugar @ $1.25 a lb.
2 bars of Ivory soap @ $.83 each
4 lbs. M&Ms @ $3.50 a lb.
3 12-pack 12-oz. cans of Coca Cola, $10
"How much does that come to?" asked Larry.
"Forty-eight dollars and 16 cents."
"If I gave you five ten dollar bills, how much change would I get?"
"Exactly one dollar and 84 cents," stated the clerk who appeared to be irritated by all the questions.
Larry said, as he disappeared through the
door, "I don't want to buy the items...that's
our arithmetic lesson for 'morgn' (tomorrow), and I needed some help with
it."
(laughter)
I grew up hearing many Yiddish proverbs:
"You can catch more flies with honey than
with vinegar." ("Mit honik ken men khapn
mer flign vi mit esik.")
Today, your students will share these proverbs with you:
A miss is as good as a.....Mr.
Don't bite the hand that...hasn't been sanitized with Purell
A penny saved is....effort wasted
Happy the bride who...is registered at Bed Bath & Beyond
Children should be seen and not...deprived of text-messaging
Two's company, three's...The Musketeers
You can't teach an old dog....new math
For you "kinder-gortn" (kindergarten) teachers in the audience, I know that learning to recognize letters is an integral part of your classroom lessons. Perhaps you should consider revising the content/ pictures on your ABC wall charts.
Yes, A is still for Apple, BUT today it's an
Apple Mac.
B is for Botox
C is for "chillaxin"
F is for Facebook
G is for Google or Going Green
I is for Internet and iTunes
P is for PowerPoint Presentations
T is for Twitter, Tweet, Tweetaholic,
Twitterature and Twittersphere
U is for "unfriended" or Uggs boots
W is for "Wikipedia"
Regarding NAMES:
When I was a kid, children were named Izzy, Max, Sammy, Harry, Solly, Sylvia, Sally, and Shirley. Today, a Jewish couple who met on the Internet, named their first son "Yaacov Yahoo."
My mother joked: "We've named our kids Bulova, Gruen, Waltham, Elgin, Wittnauer and Benrus. They keep coming like clockwork!
Re: The Homework Schedule Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than 90 minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to "gut" grades in his/her classes.
15 minutes looking for assignment
11 minutes calling a "fraynd" for the assignment
23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like "der kinder" (the children).
8 minutes in "der vashtsimer" (the bathroom) whitening his/her teeth.
10 minutes getting a "nosh" (snack).
7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher "keyn mol nit" (never) explained the assignment.
10 minutes sitting at the "kikh tish" (kitchen table) waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
Please refrain from calling any child a "vilde khaye" (a wild indian), a "Yutz" (a socially inept person), a "Chaim Yankel," or a "shnook." Try using the word "boychick," a term of endearment, taken from Yiddish, for a young boy or man.
Teachers, encourage your students to read the newspaper. Don't be surprised if a student comes in and talks about the Tiger Woods situation of infidelty or the new iPhone app which uses GPS technology to track Tiger Woods' mistresses. (Thanks to Frank Cerabino for this great line.) Just remember, if everyone obeyed the ten commandments, there'd be no eleven o'clock news.
And, I like to tell the story about a father who was trying to read the Sunday paper. His son wanted to play with his father. To keep the boy busy, dad pulled a full-page map of the world out of the current events section of the newspaper, sliced it up into jigsaw patterns, scattered them on the floor, and told the youngster: "See if you can put these back together as a map of the world. Just follow the colors and shapes." The father had barely begun to read his paper when he felt the kid tugging at his sleeve. In about three minutes he had reassembled the map correctly.
"How did you ever do that?"
"I got a clue. On the other side of the page was a big picture of a man. All you have to do is put the man together right and the whole world comes out right."
And, in conclusion, when you go back to your classrooms tomorrow, I want you
to
think about this: About 3 1/2 million kids
are taking medicine for hyperactivity,
inattentiveness, or both. Others are on
Revivo, Socko, Adrenalo, Revivo, and
Ritalin. Perhaps it's a waste of "gelt--in
some cases. In MY DAY, we just called it
"shpilkes"--ants in the pants!
(laughter)
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