  
|
AND WHY IS SHE AT OUR PASSOVER SEDER?
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
|
|
I still chuckle at the letter written to the Metropolitan Diary (The New York Times), 4/10/96:
Dear Diary:
Trying to fit holiday food shopping
into
my tax season schedule, I rushed into my
supermarket in Bayside, Queens, and asked
the first clerk I spotted, "Where is your
Passover aisle?"
She thought for a moment, then answered, "I'm sorry, but in this store we just mark down."
My mother, Jeanette Gottlieb, was a true "baleboosteh" (meticulous housewife), but she bought jars of gefilte fish and doctored them up.
I wish she were alive today and could have read Martin Bodek's piece on TheKnish.com. He writes that "Keeping with recent tightening of kashrus standards, the Unorthodox Union has decided to remove their endorsement of Mrs. Adler's products due to her immodest clothing." Yes, she appears to be a nice "dame" (lady), but since her hair is uncovered, which is unacceptable in Orthodox circles, and she has a dangerous plunging neckline, This could lead to levity of mind and conversations between men and women, heaven forbid."
Bodek said that "Mrs. Adler could not be reached for comment, as she was putting on a sheitel and donning a modest blouse so that she could take new pictures in an effort to be certified again."
While examining other websites, I came across a piece titled, "21 Steps to the Proper Prepration of Gefilte Fish." (www.cyber-kitchen.com) It was posted by a woman named Ruth. Here's the Yiddish version; Jewish mothers may want to duplicate it.
'EYN UN TSVANTSIK" (21) STEPS TO THE "GEHERIK" (PROPER) PREPARATION OF GEFILTEH FISH." Yes, there's more than one correct spelling for gefilte fish.
1. Two weeks before a "hoypt" (major) holiday, call your "tokhter" (daughter) on the "tselularer telefon" (cell phone) and ask her what she plans to serve at the festive meal. Express your outrage and tell her that you're "broygez" (angry) when she suggests serving doctored up canned gefilteh fish. Offer to make the fish "zikh" (yourself). Oy, such a "gute neshome"--a good soul-- you are.
2. Suggest that your "tukhter" take a day off from "arbet" (work) so that she can watch ("tsukukn zikh") you make the fish, so she'll know how to do it for her "kinderlekh" (children) after she has put you in The [nursing] Home. Two days before the holiday, call your "tokhter" and tell her that you hate to "antoyshn" (disappoint) her but you simply don't have the "koyakh" (strength) to make gefilte fish.
3. While your "tokhter" is beginning to rush ("ayln zikh") all over looking for a substitute "forshpayt" (appetizer), get all "fapitz'd" (dressed up) and take a "oytobus" (bus), and a "unterban" (subway)...and another "oytobus."...
4...to an obscure fish store in "di dales-hayzer" (the slums) where they sell live carp.
5. Examine the carp to see if they are "shvimen" (swimming) in the fish tank. Ask the "balebos" (owner) if any "frish" (fresh) carp will be arriving "bald" (soon).
6. On principle, reject the first "tsvey" (2) fish that he offers you.
7. Accept the "driter" (third) or "ferter" (fourth) fish that he offers you. Allow him to fillet and skin the carp but NEVER let him put your fish near his electric grinder. Far be it from you to "bashuldikn" (to accuse) someone unjustly, but you know he has ground dead carp in it.
8. Lugging "dray" (3) heavy shopping bags filled with fish, take 3 buses home, unless someone has told you about a way of taking 4.
9. Call your "tukhter" and tell her that you felt a little bit "beser" (better) and decided to go to your "spetysel" (special) fish store and pick up the carp. You know how "farnumen" (busy) she is right before the holidays so you didn't want to ask her to drive ("traybn") all the way out there.
10. Tell her how "farmatert" (exhausted/ tired) you are and describe in detail the assassin who tried to steal ("ganvenen") your real "leder" (leather) pocketbook as you were boarding the second bus. Inquire whether your "tokhter" would mind picking you up. You normally wouldn't ask but it's much easier to make the gefilte fish in HER "kikh" (kitchen) because she has all the latest electric "smontzess" (gadgets).
11. Remove several washed "shisls" (bowls) from your "tokhter's" dishwasher and then rinse them to make sure they are "reyn" (clean).
12. There should be a separte bowl for each ingredient so that "shmuts" (dirt) from the carrots will not get on the "selerye" (celery). Put the diced carrots in one "shisl", the sliced "selerye" in the second, the chopped "tsibele"(onion) in a fourth "shisl." Ask your "tokhter" to stop whatever she is doing and come and watch you.
13. Eye your "tokhter's" food processor with "khshad" (suspicion). Ask your "tokhter" to help you operate it. Chop the carp in it for "fuftsn" (15) seconds, then move all the ingredients into your "fartsaytik" (ancient) wooden chopping bowl.
14. Rev up those Hadassah arms and begin to attack ("bafaln") the ingredients with a dull bladed hockmesser for 90 minutes. Demand that your "tokhter" acknowledge the superiority of your withered arm over a horsepower motor.
15. Place your "hant" (hand) over your [ample] "bustkastn" (chest) and moan. Accept your "tokhter's" offer to help. Give her the bowl and the hockmesser.
16. Twelve seconds later, snatch the bowl and chopper out of your "tokhter's" hands. Tell her to watch carefully so she'll be more of a help next "yor" (year). Pulverize the fish with your chopper for another 52 minutes.
17. On the bottom of the cast-iron pot with the non-matching lid (rescued by your "muter" during a pogrom and brought in steerage to "amerike", arrange slices of carrots, onions, "selerye," fish heads, skin and bones.
18. Form the chopped fish mush into oval patties and lay them gently on top of the ingredients in "der top" (the pot/ container).
19. Add liquid and seasonings, bring the pot to a boil, lower to simmer, cover the pot and let the fish cook until they're ready and taste "batamt" (delicious)... but "nisht" (not) as good as last year's.
20. After the patties cool, arrange them on a "sheyn" (beautiful) serving platter for your "tukhter" and her guests. Dump the heads, skin and bones in a chipped bowl bought from Fortunoffs in 1958. Practice saying that the heads and the bones are the tastiest portions until you sound convincing.
21. The "frimorgn" (morning) after the holiday, call your "tokhter" and tell her that you just tasted a piece of bottled fish that was even more "batamt" than what she served last "nakht" (night). Tell her it's a shame you made it from scratch when "yeder eyner" (everybody) does such wonderful things with canned gefilte fish.
------------------------------------
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe wishes everyone
a Happy Pesach.
| A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M |
| N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | Y | Z |
| Yiddish
Stuff Jewish Humor Schmooze News More Majorie Wolfe |
Principle Jewish Stories All Things Jewish Jewish Communities of the World |