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HOORAY FOR SHORTIES
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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Forget about tall (“hoykh”), dark (“tunkl”), and handsome (“sheyn”) men. Good news-- (“Gut nayes”)--for shorter men when it comes to longevity. A study of 8,000 men has found that those of lesser height (“heykh”) lived longer than their taller peers.
Those below 5 feet, 2 inches, lived the longest. Shorter men have lower blood (“blut”) insulin, and are less likely to have cancer (“rak”).
Prof. Willcox of the Univ. of Hawaii said, “We split people into two groups--those that were 5-foot 2 and shorter, and 5-4 and taller. He found that the taller you got, the shorter you lived. Note: The lifestyles and health conditions of these men were closely followed and studied by the researchers through the years (“yorn”). The study shows that body size (“der guf”) is linked to the FOX03 gene.
The average height of American and European men is about 5 feet 10 inches. Many people are height-challenged. Talent show judge, Simon Cowell, is so height-challenged that he reportedly wears lifts in his shoes. “Yeder hot zayn eygene meshugaas.” (Everyone has his own craziness.) It’s amazing how much taller men look when they have “groys” (large/enormous) bank accounts.
Short Man Syndrome does exist. Oxford University (“universiter”) academics found that feeling smaller makes people paranoid, distrustful and scared of others. Using virtual reality technology, researchers showed that the experience of being shorter increased reports of negative feelings, such as being incompetent, disliked or inferior. Prof. Daniel Freeman said, “Being tall is associated with greater career and relationship success.”
Humphrey Bogart (5’ 8”) was concerned that audiences would notice that he was smaller (“klener”) than Ingrid Bergman, his co-star in Casablanca. In some scenes, Bergman was told to slouch down on a sofa (“sofe”/”divan”)--with Bogart sitting on extra cushions--to level up their heights.
Actor (“aktyor”), Alan Ladd (5’ 6”) would sometimes stand on a box (“kestl”) to appear taller than his female co-stars.
Studios would build different sets and film short actors in sets that made them appear taller--using shorter door frames, for example.
Shown below are the heights of some celebrities:
Danny Devito 5’ 0”
Hilary Duff 5’ 1”
Eva Longoria 5’ 2”
Dudley Moore 5’ 2”
James Cagney 5’ 4”
Michael J. Fox 5’ 4”
Dustin Hoffman 5’ 5”
Woody Allen 5’ 5”
Tom Cruise 5’ 7”
Robin Williams 5’ 7”
Ben Stiller 5’ 8”
Mark Wahlberg 5’ 8”
George Clooney 5’ 10”
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MARJORIE GOTTLIEB WOLFE agrees with Robert Quillen: “As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.” “Azoy geyt es.” (That’s how it goes.) By the year 2020 Marjorie expects to be 5’ 2” tall, the exact height of Reese Witherspoon.
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