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Nov. 5, 2011 is S.A.T. day. Grab a #2 pencil and let's see how well you do on this not-so-serious exam.
1. Simon Cowell: Mr. Crankypants : :
a) Judge Judy : "Cranky bench mensch"
b) Tina Fey : Bossypants
c) "Gump-pany" : Friends who come
over just to gripe
2. Dr. Howard Goodman recalls his doctor asking him if obesity ran in his family. "No one runs in my family," he replied. (The Jewish Week, 7/9/04)
Horizonally challenged : overweight : :
a) "zaftik" : pleasantly plump
b) "fet" : fat
c) "shver" : heavy
d) All of the above
3. "Judicious" : "Passover recipes" : :
a) "Nutritious" : tofu turkeys
b) "Nutritious" : "Bei Mir Bist Du Shon
Boullabaise"
c) "Nutritious" : "Hok In Du Kupp
Kidney Beans Au Vin Rouge"
d) "Nutritious" : "Broccoli Yentuh
Tillebenduh"
e) All of the above
4. Seinfeld : A show about nothing : :
a) The Good Wife : a show about secrets,
betrayal, new beginnings
b) Two and a Half Men : A Sheen-less
sitcom
c) Modern Family : Mockumentary,
which has been compared to the
1970s series, "Soap'
d) 2 Broke Girls : Lukewarm revamp of
"The Odd Couple" (Hank Stuever)
e) All of the above
5. "bagelicious" : an attractive/voluptuous
young woman, usually Jewish : :
a) bagel : the hole truth
b) bagel : When the set score is 6-0
(tennis slang)
c) double bagel : When the match score
is 6-0, 6-0 (tennis slang)
d) triple bagel : 6-0, 6-0, 6-0 (tennis
slang)
e) All of the above
6. "shiker" : drunkard : :
a) Frank Sinatra : "I feel sorry for people
who don't drink when they wake up
in the morning. That's as good as
they're going to feel all day."
b) Frank Sinatra : "When I read about
the evils of drinking, I gave up
reading."
c) Frank Sinatra : "24 hours in a day, 24
beers in a case. Coincidence?
d) Frank Sinatra : "A woman drove me
to drink and I didn't even have the
decence to thank her."
e) None of the above
7. The "Dear Diary" column of The New
York Times (4/10/2000) carried this story:
Randee Mia Berman had just finished her annual checkup and was waiting patiently at the receptionist's desk to make a follow-up appointment. A woman appeared from behind and pushed ahead. Ms. Berman's anger crumbled into amusement ("farvaylung") when she heard the pushy one announce: "I need to schedule my next Pap SCHMEAR."
"schmear" : the business/the whole
works : :
a) "schmear" : to bribe
b) "schmear" : to coat like butter
c) "schmear" : to be excessively kind
for selfish gain
d) All of the above
8. Barney : I love you. You love me. We're
a happy family. : :
a) IRS : I love you. You love me. File
early and we're a happy family.
b) UJA : I love you. You love me. Give a
donation and we'll be "a lebedikeh
velt" (happy-go-lucky poeple).
c) Both of the above
9. Miriam Weinstein ("Yiddish - A Nation
Of Words") writes, "How can you tell
when a woman is ready to deliver?
a) When she calls out in French, mon
dieu. You send for the doctor.
b) When she cries in Russian for her
mama. Mamushka, you know her
time is approaching.
c) When she screams in Yiddish, dear
God, gottenu, you know she is ready
to deliver.
d) All of the above
10. "Schnippishok" : mythical city used in
jokes and proverbs : :
a) Chelm : a mythical town in Poland
b) Lake Wobegon : Garrison Keillor's
mythical town in Minnesota
c) Camelot : legendary castle and court
associated with the legendary King
Arthur
d) Brigadoon : a village that only
reappears every "hundert" (hundred)
years
e) All of the above
11, The Sept. 26, 2011, a headline read:
"Rick Perry Friendly With Jewish
Community Dances With Rabbis." And
Perry participated in a menorah lighting at the Texas Capitol, where he
dances with a group of rabbis. Perry
and one of the rabbis even joke, saying,
"That is the real dancing with the
stars."
Bottle Dance : "flash tantz," "flaschen-
tanz" : :
a) "Mezinke"/"Mezhinka" : dance of
celebration reserved for parents who
have just married off their last child
b) "hora" : traditional round dance of
Romania and Israel
c) Gladdening of the Bride: Bride sits in
the center of the circle ("krayz").
Guests dance around her in a circle,
singing praises about her.
d) All of the above
12. IBS : Irritable Bowel Syndrome : :
IBS :
a) Isaac Bashevis Singer
b) Internet Banking System
c) Investigative Bible Study
d) International Bulb Society
13. According to Lisa Alcalay Klug ("Cool
Jew"), what miracle ("nes") may occur
in the not-too-distant future?
a) Mallomars will convert to kosher
b) NYC will host the Rabbi Trading
Cards Convention
c) Jewnited Airlines will take flight
d) gefilte fish will make your breath
fragrant
e) All of the above
14. According to stand-up comedian, Heshy
Fried ("frum satire"),
a) "Orthodox Jews don't drink
Manischewitz"
b) "The only Manischewitz product that
Orthodox Jews eat en masse is Tam
Tams"
c) "Seltzer is a Jewish drink."
d) "Dr. Brown's is much more prevalent
in the old time Jackie Mason Second
Avenue deli type Jew then the
haimishe hoagie crowd."
e) All of the above
15. A "pistol" is
a) slang for a pastrami sandwich at the
Carnegie Deli
b) a handgun with a chamber that is
integral with the barrel
c) a small hand-held firearm
d) a tiny bit (Yiddish)
16. According to Laurie Rozakis ("The
Portable Jewish Mother"), when a
Jewish mother prepares a meal for a
family of five, the actual number of
people she prepares food for is:
a) 5 ("finf")
b) 6 ("zeks")
c) 8 ("akht")
d) the population of New York City
(Note: According to the latest
population data, in 2010 there were
approximately 8,175,133 people living
in NYC.)
ANSWERS:
1. a and b
2. d
3. e b, c, d, and e are recipes from "The
French-Kosher Cookbook" by Ruth &
Bob Grossman, Copyright 1964.
4. e
5. e "bagelicious" was coined by Lenore
Skenazy.
Note: Lisa Alcalay Klug ("Cool Jew")
writes that one day, in the not-too-
distant future, "Jewish physicians
will solve the mystery of the hole in
the bagel."
6. a b was said by Hennie Youngman;
c was said by Stephen Wright;
d was said by W. C. Fields
7. d
8. c
9. d
10. e
11. d Note: In "Fiddler on the roof" you
may recall a line of black-suited men,
arms linked, knees jackknifed in
deep plie, brows furrowed in
concentration, slowly, deliberately
thrusting their legs out and propelling themselves forward
without toppling the wine bottles
perched precariously on their hats.
12. b, c, d
13. e
14. e
15. d Note: "d" is incorrect. A tiny bit is a "pitsl."
16. d
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Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe will be a guest
speaker on a Viking, 8-day river cruise through southern France. Dates:
Oct. 21 through Oct. 28, 2012. For more
information, contact her at
Wolfeny@webtv.net.
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