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BILLY CRYSTAL, YOUR HOME LOOKS "MAHVELOUS"
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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BILLY CRYSTAL, YOUR HOME LOOKS "MAHVELOUS"
The Yiddish word for celebrity is "barimtkayt"; the ultimate Jewish celebrity is Billy Crystal.
There are probably many star-studded homes for sale. Living like a star can be a reality for anyone who has a "milyon" dollars or more.
Doogie Howser, medical "dokter," offered his California house for $1,295,000. The cul-de-sac home featured 4 "shloftsimers" (bedrooms), 4.5 bathrooms, coved ceilings in the living room, a gourmet "kikh" (kitchen), and multiple fireplaces.
Rapper Bow Wow offered his Duluth, GA, ranch-style home for $1,500,000. It featured four bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms, a "teater" (theater), study, lake views, new kitchen, a spa and swimmng pool, his/hers master baths with jetted bath tub, a pool house, and guest/maid quarters. Yes, the world stands on three things: gelt, oyf gelt un oyf gelt--money, money, and money.
Another unnamed Malibu pop star, offered a 9,200 sq. ft. estate featuring seven bedrooms, 8.5 bathrooms, dance/workout room, recording studio, and "vayn" (wine) cellar. "Vifl?" (How much?) $11,999,999.
"Genug iz genug!" (Enough is enough!)
Well, Prudential Douglas Elliman has the listing for Billy Crystal's "kindhayt heym" (childhood home), a 2-family, 2-story home located at 549 East Park Avenue in Long Beach, Noo Yawk. "Der prayz"? $679,000.
The house is "royt" brick with tan siding. Long Beach, by the way, is nicknamed "The City By The Sea" and is located on a barrier island off the south shore of Long Island. It shares the island with Atlantic Beach to the west and Lido Beach and Point Lookout to the East. Billy described it as "a sort of Atlantic City without the saltwater taffy and the diving horse."
What's so enticing about Long Beach? In the 1940s, Jose Ferrer, Zero Mostel, Mae West, and other famous actors performed at local theaters there. Jack Dempsey, Cab Calloway, Humphrey Bogart, Lilllian Roth, Rudolph Valentino, Florenz Ziegfeld, James Cagney, Clara Bow, and John Barrymore lived in Long Beach. That was decades before anyone heard of Billy Crystal. Supposedly, George M. Cohan wrote "Only 45 Minutes From Broadway" about Long Beach. (Crystal's brotker, Joel, has served as president of the Long Beach City Council). More recently, rock-and-roll singer, Joan Jett, N. Y. Yankees shortstop, Derek Jeter, and "Long Island Lolita" (Amy Fisher) have lived in the city. Dr. John Pisacano, a family friend, practiced medicine there. My youngest son, Daniel, lived there, too.
Yes, I know that The Godfather takes place partly in Long Beach and nearby Atlantic Beach, where Sonny lives. He is murdered at the toll booths of the Long Beach Causeway (AKA the Loop Parkway), which connects Long Beach with the Meadowbrook State Parkway near Jones Beach.
On the main floor of the Crystal's home, there are "dray" (3) bedrooms, two bathrooms, adn an eat-in kitchen, as well as a dining area. Oh, to sit in the dining area where Billy's Grandpa Julius would take a sugar cube and put it between his teeth. (Then, he'd put his teeth in his mouth.) Grandpa would then take a glass of tea ("glezel tai") and sip it through the sugar cube. When he was done, he'd walk over to the "fentster" (window), toot, toot, toot, take out the sugar cube and leave it on the windowsill to dry.
The second floor apartment has one bedroom, a full bathroom, an eat-in-kitchen and a pivate deck off the living room. Abe and Estelle Marks lived there. They weren't "gliklech"--happy. "Far vos"? (Why?) Because they lived over Yankee Stadium, MSG, and a bowling alley! Estelle's window was the left field bleachers.
The real estate broker calls it a humble home. I call it "altfrenkish"--quaint.
I'd love to snooze with MY family in the Crystal's dining room. We'd talk about the kind of people who lived there and visited. They spoke mostly Yiddish, which is a combination of German and phlegm. Billy said that Yiddish was "a language of coughing and spitting" and until he was eleven, he wore a "regn-mantl"--a raincoat. His family loved to eat and talk at the same time; they sprayed their "frishtik" (breakfast) all over you.
Oh, to see the yard where Billy Crystal used to pretend he was Mickey Mantle. Crystal says, "Our little backyard (45-by-100-foot parcel) had the same physical layout as Yankee Stadium--short right field, which was where the garage was, and deep left center, which was the back wall of the house. There was a cement patio, which simulated an infield, and a small diamond-shaped patch of grass, ending in a dirt patch, our home plate." Billy was Red Barber or Mel Allen!
Oh, to sit in the same living room where Billy's dad brought home a Spike Jones record--with the sound effects of gunshots, whistles, and dog barks. Billy would Lip-sync it!
And so, I'm calling the office of Prudential Douglas Elliman to arrange for an appointment to see the Crystal house this "zuntik" (Sunday). I can already hear the clatter of "di keylim" (the dishes), dos gelekhter (the laughter) of the family, and the smell of "zup" (soup) and brisket!
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