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REMEMBER: “GELT TSU FARDINEN IZ GRINGER VI TSU HALTEN.”
(It’s easier to earn money than to keep it.)
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Syosset, New York
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Bill Wine of KYW Newsradio writes about the new movie, "Last Vegas":
"They're not cool enough to be the Rat Pack or young enough to be the Brat Pack. They're more like the Old Hat Pack."
He's referring to senior citizens, Michael Douglas, Robert De Niro, Morgan Freeman, and Kevin Kline.
As the story goes, the four arrive in SIN CITY (AKA "zind shtot" in Yiddish) to attend a "bohjer" (bachelor) party for Douglas's Billy, the only one of the four to have remained "neet khasene gehat" (single). He's marrying a woman half his age.
The screenplay is about aging, "frayndshaft" (friendship), Las Vegas, and gambling.
According to Matt Zoller Seitz, "the friends do what people do in Vegas when they'd rather not risk arrest or catch a disease: They gamble; they have nice meals; they walk around and take in the sights; they bicker, sometimes amusingly sometimes tiresomely."
Years ago, when playing in Las Vegas or any of the gambling towns, Joe E. Lewis was able to squeeze in a few hours at the crap tables. This was a courtesy extended by those who ran the casino because they knew that in a matter of forty-five minutes Lewis could lose enough to wipe out the salary he was supposed to get. Mickey Rooney was good at that too. Before his first show when the New Frontier was reopened, Rooney lost the works. (Source: "B.S. I Love You - Sixty Funny Years with the Famous and the Infamous Milton Berle").
Shown below are some very "humoristish" (humorous) stories about Las Vegas....with a little Yiddish thrown in.
"No thanks," said the man.
"Anything else for your wife, sir?" the boy asked.
The man began to "klern" (meditate) for a moment, then looked up and said, "Why yes, come to think of it. Bring me a few ‘postkartlech' (postcards) to send her."
A man sees her and says, "Vos iz mit dir?" (What is wrong with you?)
And the blonde says, "Duh!! Winning."
"In Las Vegas, everything is "vunderlekh" (wonderful):
"You can't beat "der veter" (the weather)
"You can't beat "der hotels"
"And you can't beat the crap tables!"
"You know," says a friend, "I think this money is New York money. This dough is earmarked for the Big Apple (AKA "groys epl"), and I think we should go back there to spend it.
"A gezunt oyf ir piskelel" (Well said!)
"Let's go out to "der fliplats" (the airport) right now and catch the first plane back."
"Forget the airport," says the friend. "Let's just take a limo."
"Forget the limo," says the first man, and then he yells "TAKSI."
A cab pulls up in front of the two men. The friend opens the door and is about to get in when the first man says to him, " Vuhin gaistu?" (Where are you going?")
Fifty-ninth Street," says the friend.
The first man says, "In that case, I had better get in first because I'm getting out at Forty-third."
Frank Sinatra was at the Sands Hotel and was apologizing about the inconvenience of the construction going on at the time. He said the hotel is undergoing a 5 million dollar renovation. "They received 2 million from the banks and the other 3 million from "der kokteyl" (the cocktail) waitresses."
A guy walks down the strip when a second guy flags him down and says, "Can you please help me with some money? My wife and I were walking down the strip and she was looking at all of the lights and tripped on the curb. She broke her ‘pleytse' (shoulder) and is pretty banged up. The problem is we do not have any insurance due to ObamaCare...and any little bit will help."
The first guy says, "Are you kidding me? Do I look ‘narish' (stupid)? If I give you $20 you're just going to go into the casino and blow it on slots."
The second guy says, "Oh, no, no. I'm no ‘shnorrer.' I have gambling money!"
"You married!" they exclaimed in unison. "Ver volt dos geglaibt?" (Who would have believed it?) "Vemen baristu?" (Whom are you fooling?) "How old is she?"
"Her name is Esther Cohen," said Grandpa, "and she's 18!"
"EIGHTEEN!" repeated his grandson incredulously. "How can you consider marrying a girl of 18?"
"Why not?" asked Grandpa calmly. "She's "punkt' (exactly) the same age as my first wife when I married her."
The desk clerk noticed that the new "gast" (guest) had left muddy tracks clear across the new rug. "Sir," he admonished the cowboy, "when you patronize a hotel which prides itself on its cleanliness, you might at least wipe half "di blote" (the mud) of Texas off your shoes."
The Texan eyed the room clerk with honest amazement and asked softly, "What shoes?"
"Sam," said one, "left Las Vegas with $50,000."
"Dos harts hot mir gezogt." (I predicted it. My heart told me.) But he went there with $100,000."
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MARJORIE GOTTLIEB WOLFE has been to Las Vegas twice. She says
that it's the only place in "di velt" (the world) where they play the show
"You Bet Your Life"....FOR REAL!
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